Kate's Mangled Christmas Songs

The Christmas album we expect from Kate if the story has any validity.

32 comments:

Oh C'mon Just Give It Up said...

Okay, is this what they meant on my home page when I logged on tonight...something about Kate and an album? I don't dare click on it as I don't want to feed it. It seems like every day lately, I am accosted by Kate the moment I get on to the web, such as hard abs and dieting; whatever. So, what are her PR people doing now...trying to promote her as a singer? This is in total overdrive. Why they are so intent to make her into something-anything? Money, of course, but you'd think after so many dashed efforts, they'd find a new person to try to create something out of (surely anyone but Kate would be easier to try to hype). I can't even imagine what their continuing moves will be...Kate, The Astronaut...Kate, The Ambassador to South Korea...Kate, The Interior Designer...Kate, The Dinosaur Hunter. Personally, I think this one couldn't be more appropriate (the name, not the show): Kate, The Biggest Loser.

Lorrie said...

http://www.okmagazine.com/2010/07/kate-her-plus-8-planning-to-record-christmas-album/comment-page-1/#comment-1057471

This has got to be a joke.

~Shari~ said...

Featuring such hits as....
"Jon's nuts roasting on an open fire"
"It's beginning to look a lot like an orphanage"
"O Holy Lies"
"Katie the Snow-mom"
and "Oh come all ye Sheeple"

Lucy said...

Please TLC enough! If there is a God Khate will NOT sing! Her shreaking is already too much torture for anyones ears.

Deanna said...

On the first day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me a front page story for publicity.

On the second day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me a new set of hair extensions and a front page story for publicity.

On the third day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the fourth day of Christmas the paparazzi gave to to me, a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 7th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 8th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me the 8th lowest ratings in TLC history, a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 9th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me 9 new excuses for not spending time with my children, the 8th lowest ratings in TLC history, a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 10th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me 10 new charges of child exploitation, 9 new excuses for not spending time with my children, the 8th lowest ratings in TLC history, a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 11th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me 11 new boyfriends (er.... I mean, bodyguards),10 new charges of child exploitation, 9 new excuses for not spending time with my children, the 8th lowest ratings in TLC history, a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

On the 12th day of Christmas, the paparazzi gave to me 12 pictures of 8 random children (who are these kids again? They do look a little familiar!), 11 new boyfriends (er.... I mean, bodyguards),10 new charges of child exploitation, 9 new excuses for not spending time with my children, the 8th lowest ratings in TLC history, a 7 day cruise without my kids (I need time to relax, but they all know how much I love them), 6 copies of "Eight Little Faces, 5 weeks of "me time", a referral to a new plastic surgeon, a picture of Jon and his new girlfriend, new hair extensions, and a front page story for publicity.

Deanna said...

"Do You Hear What I Hear"


Said the night wind to the little children,
"Do you see what I see?
Way up in the sky, little children,
Do you see what I see?
A plane, a plane, dancing in the sky
Your mommy's up there so high,
Your mommy's up there so high"

Said the little children to Nanny Number #12,
"Do you hear what I hear?
Ringing through the sky, Nanny #12
Do you hear what I hear?
A plane, a plane high above the trees
Taking a voice as big as grating as the cheese
Taking a voice as big as grating as the cheese"

Said Nanny #12 to the TLC crew,
"Do you know what I know?
In Pennsylvania right now?
Do you know what I know?
8 Children, 8 children crying in the house because Mommy left again
Let us get it all on film for ratings
Let us get it all on film for ratings.

Said TLC to the people everywhere,
"Listen to what I say!
The kids are fine,
Listen to what I say!
The kids are well taken care of and loved
She will bring us great ratings some night
She will bring us great ratings some night

SLAHSarah said...

Really? That one time Kate went caroling to the people who "helped" (did all the work) makes her qualified to have a christmas cd?

As if catching a bit of her voice on tv wasn't piercing enough...Why would anyone buy that?

dustilies said...

Hark, the tabloid angels sing,
Glory to the newborn Kate!
Hair extensions, veneer'd smile,
Great big ta-tas, and denial.

silimom said...

Jimmy Kimmel saw this one coming last Christmas:

http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=9073760

Enjoy.

alyssa said...

Christmas songs! Hmm are they for the actual Christmas or for the pretend for the cameras Christmas? My God is there anything in this world that Kate won't turn into something that brings her money? Not that it will I don't see people killing each other in order to buy a CD which contains songs regular children sing in stead of listening to their own children.I do not remember any of the Gosselin kids being a natural at singing but that's just me.Also,speaking of music I don't think that Mady and Cara were completely talentless at piano and violin I think that Jon and Kate just didn't bother to take the time to take them to their lessons which is really sad if anyone asks me...

Boston Bonnie said...

Oh Christmas Free!

Lily said...

Mady has a very nice voice.

Ohio Buckeye said...

Let it snow: "Oh, the mother inside is FRIGHTFUL,
but the film crew is so delightful..."

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way - oh! What fun it is to work all our childhoods away."

Frost the Snowman: "Mommy the snowqueen was as cranky as always..."

Oh, Xmas Tree: "Oh Christmas tree, oh christmas tree, why do make such dustilies?"

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause: "I saw mommy kissing the body guard
right there, in our own backyard."

Angels We Have Heard on High: "Bitching we 8 have heard on high, loudly resounding o'er the land..."

and just one summer themed song, "Take Me Out to the Ballgame": Take me out of this mansion, take me out of here now. Buy me a real mom and privacy, I don't care if we NEVER go back, 'cause it's bitch, bitch bitch from our mommy, and she won't stop - it's a shame. So it's 1-2-3 kids +5 at the old 'reality' game."

Ohio Buckeye said...

Deanna and Dustilies: LOL! Funny but sadly true.

kelly said...

Someone at Entertainment Weekly wrote a special song just for Kate.

http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/07/02/kate-gosselin-holiday-album-horror/

fidosmommy said...

alyssa, I haven't seen Mady carrying her violin at the bus stop recently. That makes me sad.
I thought she enjoyed it. I hope she is still getting lessons somewhere.

I know Cara preferred her long nails to playing piano.

K8STFU said...

K8 singing Christmas songs? K8 has made a mockery of the Christian faith for the past how many years and now she has the nerve to once again show how strong her faith is by attempting to sing Christmas songs?

Although I am Christian, I am not as religious as some and don't attend church as often as I should/want to (I am 41 and still get scolded by my parents LOL). That said, I LOVE all Christmas/holiday songs and find myself mesmerized by a choir or single beautiful voice singing them (esp O Holy Night, my fave). I think it is truly blasphemous for TLC and K8 to do this, if it's true. She faked Christmas morning for an episode, she clearly could care less about the true meaning behind this day.

readerlady said...

Mady has a fair amount of musical talent, and Leah (I think she's the one, anyway - who sat on the ground outside and sang the little church song) can carry a tune. The rest of the kids - who knows. Khate can carry a tune but her voice is harsh and grating. I'm predicting failure if this is serious and not just a spoof.

"While Sheeple watched their Frock by night, all seated round the tube"

Brummygirl said...

You ladies rock!! :) They ought to hire the GWOP's, we could produce a much better album!!!

jonandkatewho? said...

God! her kids are for sale once again. I wish she would just do the frigging album alone and leave those children out of it. Just something else for them to have to live down, if it comes out. It won't be good. Come on, does anybody think it will be good???

Brummygirl said...

"It's beginning to look a lot like Kate's World
Everywhere you go!
Her face is in the "Star", "U.S." mag, it's beginning to jar
Enough to make the reindeer *throw!

It's beginning to look a lot like Kate's World
It's really a horror show.
It's a long fifteen minutes with everything *Kate* in it
It's time for her to go!!
**********

"I will NOT be home for Christmas,
You can spend it with your Dad.
I have places to go, to make some dough
Even though you think it`s sad.

I will NOT be home for Christmas
We can tape it in July
I will NOT be home for Christmas
Just save me an organic pie!!
**********************************

fidosmommy said...

I don't actually believe there is any album - Christmas or otherwise - in the works for Kate.
I think it is a rumor being spread
to rile things up again.

I know it's in a tabloid. I don't
believe it's true.

Jeez said...

How much is that Gosselin in the front yard?

The one with the straight black hair?

How much is that Gosselin in the front yard?

I do hope that Gosselins for sale!

Don't worry little one, it is.

Heide said...

If there is a CD, I think it's just Kate trying to make more money. I think the only way she'll make money is, as someone suggested, sell that "special bra" that makes her boobs look so much bigger and perkier. THAT would make tons of money!!

PA Grammy said...

Here is the song by Michael Slezak as posted on ew.com. He calls it the first single for the Gosselin Child Army Chorus, set to the tune of "Winter Wonderland". He asks that we join him in a sing-along, the better to drown out the unholy howling emanating from our soul areas.

Gosselins sing, are you list'ning?
Feel your gut, start a'twising
A soul-crushing signt, kid labor ain't right
When your mom's a famewhore firebrand.

Who knew Kate, was a songbird?
How 'bout Jon? That's just absurd
With his giant back tatt, his Ed Hardy hat
His ex-wife's a famewhore firebrand.

For the cameras they can build a snowman
Looks just like a music video
Eight kids smiling in their snowflake mittens
But are you feeling rage or pity-oh-oh-oh

Later on comes the big screen
But for now, just a CD
Do not be afraid, the whole family gets paid
When your mom's a famewhore firebrand.

He asks that you file this under "Greetings from the impending Apocalypse."

Ohio Buckeye said...

@Jeez: Good one!!!

maggie said...

Everyone post's are very funny and entertaining. I really enjoy reading them.

But Rob Shuter by Popeater is less than reputable. He is the one that said Kate was looking at real estate in Hollywood and demanding a recording studio at the property. Oh please! And he has written other stupid things that I can't think of at this moment that were also silly. The name of his column is "Naughty But Nice". He was the executive editor of "OK" magazine before taking his post at Popeater. I find that "OK" and "Star" magazines to be rather trashy. They are the "true tabloids" where they always state, "Sources say", or "Insiders say". Really?

So it is fun to make-up songs and the talent is great on this site, but don't sweat thinking that this CD is going to materalize. It ain't gonna happen. What producer is going to touch Kate as a singer when her latest book sold only 12,000 or so copies.

Kate's Nemesis said...

Fortunately, there is NOT a Holiday Kate album in the works. Or any CDs, for that matter.

Her Reps. squashed the rumor yesterday, when contacted by Access Hollywood. They also added that she will not be the next James Bond girl.

TLC... take my word for it- no one wants to see a 35+ year old Katie Kreider, speeding around Europe in a sportscar either!

Tick tock.

hzwyfee said...

Luv Deanna's 12 days of Christmas song :) Very funny

couch potato said...

Same tune as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Katie, the big-boobed reindeer,
had a very long, long nose
And if you ever listen,
you know just how it grows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call her names
(like pinochio).
They never let poor Katie
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Katie with your nose so long,
you tell your stories oh so wrong!"

Yet all the Sheeple loved her
as they shouted out with glee,
Katie the big-boobed reindeer,
We'll watch you on T L C!

Can't See Sheep said...

What a fitting title for this thread, kate's mangled Christmas songs, just like kate's mangled life.

wpa said...

My library recently got Kate's new book in. I read her first one about all the free help she had, but later denied and dissed all those relatives and helpers. I won't read her other books and I won't listen to her sing. Even if it is free at the library. I think she tried to sing on one episode - it wasn't good.