Some Jon and Kate Satire

Come and listen to a story about a man named Jon
A poor unemployed, married to a witch named Kon,
Then one day he was shootin out his seed,
And out from Katie's belly came a bunch of banchees.

Kids that is, sextuplets, a whole litter.

Well the first thing you know ol' Jon's a millionaire,
Pennsylvania voted: Kon move away from here!
Said Californy is the place you ought to be
So they loaded up the van and moved to Beverly.

Hills, that is.
Mr. Chows, TMZ.

The Beverly Hillbillies!

Well now its time to say good-bye to Jon and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fer kindly droppin in.
You're all invited back again to watch Kon's vanity
and to have a heapin helpin of their gross insanity.

Hillbilly that is. Set a spell (on our horrendously horrendous love seat.) and "Take your shoes off !!!". Y'all come back now, y'hear?

Submitted as a comment by Shari

56 comments:

Old North State said...

Hilarious!

Sidney said...

Oh, too funny! Too too funny!

I was wishing I could make up something funny about them being in Beverly Hills, but you did it! Great job!

DirtyDisher said...

Granny, did yee pack all them bibs?

I shore did, Jed, we'z likely ta see some stripedy skunks! Wee dowggies!

thehazlettfamily said...

OMG, I laughed so hard. Thank you. I needed it.

jonandkatewho? said...

Omg! Now that was funny. Thanks for the grins.

shell said...

that was so funny

Miranda said...

Instant classic!

bMorgan said...

Just gotta say, I read this at work and oh man...just plain funny.

Anonymomma said...

Granny, did yee pack all them bibs?

I shore did, Jed, we'z likely ta see some stripedy skunks! Wee dowggies!
------------

I literally had to make a mad dash to the bathroom, omfg that rawks!

I love my son! said...

Very funny!

laura weiss said...

I reckon Keight's been doin' some swimmin' in the cement pond, lookit her tan, Granny!

jill said...

Wow, they are at their 100th episode?

Someone count...is the Emeril 100th the first of the new season...or is it, like, the fifth one in?

If so, they were not telling the truth about seaon 5.

I love my son! said...

laura weiss said...
I reckon Keight's been doin' some swimmin' in the cement pond, lookit her tan, Granny!
***********************************
And I bet she ain't been cookin' them there organic vittles either pa!

Tammy H. said...

How hilarious! But ya know? If Kate moved to Cali, she might get a big reality check, cause reality stars aren't looked upon as stars at all. They are considered D class or even lower (if that's even possible). I would like for someone to give Kate a dose of her own medicine!

Tangerine Tanya said...

Great job!


Come on Kate.....Fix them kids some hot vittles and start watchin yer youngens and give Ms.Jane (Jon) a break instead of always going down yonder.

jon and kate are cons said...

Shari,

You truly are gifted to be able to write something so true and funny. Keep up the good work!

DeeB said...

OMG! I love it!!! That was too funny. I wish I could think of things like that. I laughed for 5 minutes! Thanks. Good job.

Mikemom said...

Oh my lordy, lord, I laughed so hard. This one is priceless! Im passing the bucket for you, for the love offerings...........

linda said...

Oh My God that is Hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my son! said...

Dab nabbit, it appears we's made on that there Access Hollywood tonight. Them hi-falutten reporters are tryin' to say we ain't got good body chemistry Jon.

http://www.accesshollywood.com/jon-and-kates-telling-body-language_video_1071983

Iowa Mommy said...

VERY funny! Love it!

JJ28 said...

But seriously... wtf where Jon and Kate doing on TMZ?! I was so shocked when I saw that! Paparazzi actually caring about them... this is getting insane! Kate was prob loving every second of that, feeling like a true celeb!

Mama Kate said...

That is absolutely brilliant! I love it, and am laughing so hard right now.

Lacy said...

Four days after yet another 'pity us and our poor childruns' church engagement, and they are seen swaggering out of one of the most expensive restaurants in LA.

Classy.

emma said...

I have tears streaming down my face, that was so funny! Who are all of you people who write the recaps and little diddies like this? You are all so damn talented. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I would much rather read a book that you all wrote than read KON's pathetic excuse for a book! Keep up the good work :)

Cyndi said...

Oh Lordy Be, that's hilarious!

honeyhush said...

Too funny! That gave me a good laugh this morning. Trailer trash has invaded Beverly Hills!

SchadenKON said...

Episode 101: K8 is walking along Rodeo Drive looking for Gymboree and Ann Taylor Loft. Not finding these stores, she goes into one of the high end boutiques to buy herself a rare treat. Her credit card is denied. She clomps to the bank to meet Mr. Drysdale. Mr. Drysdale sees some questionable charges. The two of them set off in Mr. Drysdale's Caddy and find Jon and Miz Jane together in the Viper Room.

Teri said...

HI
that was great. wish i could write.
I love this site. I read this before I read the paper. thanks everyone.

BostonBean said...

COuld you explain what you mean about Emerill?
Thanks

nomorekonartists said...

If they are in some classy restaurant in LA where are their kids? Which nanny is taking care of them this time? Or are the restaurants in Penn. not good enough for them now?

Moons in Leo said...

Excellent! I needed the laugh!

nikki said...

OMG thanks for the best laugh I've had in ages! This is priceless!

Just Lori! said...

Clever! good job!

Narcissism Please said...

i was beginning to wonder how GWoP would fare through the 'break.'

i see i have nothing to worry about ;o)


thanks for the chuckles!

Scruffy's Mom said...

Like Emma's Mom said in an way earlier post ...

we all know what Keight is carrying in her purse ...

when she hands her purse to Jane, that's the only time he has a pair ....

Miss Brown Betti said...

What was the name of the family dog on the Beverly Hillbillies?

Random Crap said...

OMG that was so true and equally funny. especially *take yer shoes off*

lisa k said...

I loved it...one of the funniest things I have heard in a long time.

wickedorchid said...

I am new to this blog so I hope that this isn't a dopey question. The last time that I had dinner at Mr. Chow's the bill was $450.00 for the two of us. Now I do understand that the family receives dontations, etc. But do they make the kind of green allowing lavish dinners after budgeting to feed and clothe 8 kids? And she's such a bumpkin that I don't buy here needing to eat anywhere more gourmet than Arby's. Would the PR folks foot the bill for Mr. CHow's as it's a guaranteed paparazzi opp - there's an army of paps outside everynight to see which celebs eat there.

RealMom said...

The Emeril show was taped to be shown in conjunction with Kate's cookbook being released. That is the only reason. I do not get the channel Emeril is broadcast on but I think it is on Martha Stewart's channel. She will proably show up on Paula Deen too. Kate will also be in NYC in May so she will probably be on Rachael Ray since Oprah owns that (and also Dr. Phil.) Don't forget Kate has to do all this publicity, and film Season 5, before school is finished because she does not want to "work" in the summer when the kids are home. I mean how many of us would just love to take summers off and spend it at our pools? I do not believe the family show will be back after season 5 because come September all the kids will be in school and Kate will be off with her new career.

AnneMarie said...

Jed's BloodHound was named Duke.

And we frequently have roast critter at our house. It's a family joke :)

boca said...

thanks.....now i got the beverly hillbilly song stuck in my head.......LOL

Merrilee said...

wickedorchid said...
I am new to this blog so I hope that this isn't a dopey question. The last time that I had dinner at Mr. Chow's the bill was $450.00 for the two of us. Now I do understand that the family receives dontations, etc. But do they make the kind of green allowing lavish dinners after budgeting to feed and clothe 8 kids? And she's such a bumpkin that I don't buy here needing to eat anywhere more gourmet than Arby's. Would the PR folks foot the bill for Mr. CHow's as it's a guaranteed paparazzi opp - there's an army of paps outside everynight to see which celebs eat there.

3/26/2009 8:57 AM
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Their agent gets paparazzi places for them to go so that we can all see how "together" Jon and Kate still are. I doubt they had to pay the bill. If the restaurant didn't, I think TLC probably did.

They haven't had to pay for many things since they have become such "famous celebrities."

Their kids clothing, diapers, soap and hygiene products, formula and baby food was all donated when the tups were babies. I imagine the twins also had their clothing donated after the tups were born. They really haven't paid for much on their own. Even their household products and furniture have been donated to them.

J&K have made LOTS of money from this gig though, and they certainly could afford to dine anywhere they felt like it.

Kath in MI said...

I agree, it must have been a good haul for the Love Offering that trip!

That, and she must have gotten tired of waiting for the paparazzi to swarm the Konpound, so she got all gussied up and went to them.

Midwest Teacher said...

Too funny!

I'm surprised that Mr. Chow's found "Ann Taylor Loft" attire suitable for their high end establishment!

Wonder if they went off "clubbing" after dinner. Maybe they ran into Britney or Paris Hilton!

pinkdiamond611 said...

Love it <3. But seriously, the BH's are too high class for the Kons.

organizedblogroll said...

ya'll better take your shoes off, or Kate Irene will kick your ass!!

Bruce's Wife said...

Duke was Jed's houndog.

Miss Jane. ha ha ha ha

Marissa said...

Hmm..dinner on the kids I see! Too bad they weren't there to enjoy the overpriced meal THEY PAID FOR! Did you use a coupon, Kate?

Ravello said...

Absolutely brilliant, I loved it. And the followup comments are hilarious.

Terrifrom MV said...

I saw that those two were in my homestate.What happened to Jon whining about too many pictures too many cameras not enough privacy,then those two show up to one of the biggest Hollywood papparazzi brothels in Southern California, in a limo no less!They are about as welcome as the Clampetts were, although Kate does cipher her millions better than Jethro did.

Crystal said...

So the moochers of the family get Mr.Chows and the breadwinners of the family get crackers and grapes on a paper plate.

We said...

Very funny Crystal,

My thoughs exactly. I wonder if Kate grabbed food from Jon's plate as she always has. Such tacky and low life ways that girl.

MsPeabody said...

This was great, thanks Shari! Loved it!

Steph said...

Loved it! It was just what I needed after a rough start to the day.