It's a Book recap

The latest debacle…er, episode of Jon & Kate + 8 proclaims in a decidedly exclamatory way that It’s a Book, as if they’ve never seen one before in their lives. Regarding Multiple Bles8ings, in an effort to review it, I’ve been on a waiting list at my local library for about 6 weeks. While I’m chagrined that so many people wish to read this heaping helping of organic verbal succotash, I’m bolstered by the fact that just as many of those same readers refuse to buy it. I wonder why Kate never suggests that people use their library rather than paying for books? Such a great money-saving tip.

Kate states from the onset that the book was written so that their memories are recorded before they are forgotten. Of course, after 4 seasons of their show, they must be hard up on documented memories. Perhaps they should purchase seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. Kate is so proud of herself for writing that book. A notion that is so steeped in crazy that I can feel Beth Carson rolling her eyes from my squatty little desk here in mid-Illinois.

Evidently, every single email they get tells of some reader alternately laughing then crying while unable to put down their book. I know this is a lie because MY email to them certainly didn’t read anything like that. *grin*

Now that the book is written, it’s time to promote it. That means taking the kids out of school, renting a bus, and heading to New York City. Jon mentions that it would be too boring to have a show about them just sitting around the house so that’s why it’s good to do all these trips. I’m sure the twins’ teachers would agree. Psst, Jon. If your life is that boring, then you shouldn’t have a show. The show is all about how not-boring your life is. Careful you don’t shoot yourself in the foot, son.

I certainly hope that the twins and tups have punched their time cards because they are about to set out on a 14-hour trip to the city to promote their parent’s book. Jon and Kate have just admitted that promoting is their work so if it is work for the parents it is work for the children. I think Paul Petersen should issue a ruling on this one.

But first, we must pay the bills and promote the Wii. They are playing some music game where everyone plays an instrument and they make a band. Several smiling children bounce around a bit then Jon orders everyone up to bed because they have to leave at 5 a.m. to get to NYC on time. While most of the kids immediately march upstairs, we see Hannah throw herself on the floor in a wee bit of a fit in protest of her bedtime, but editing takes over and we don’t get to witness the favored child come unglued. I give this kid a few more months before that long hair is gone and she’s sporting Kate’s yucca plant hairdo.

It’s morning and the bus is loaded and Kate yammers on for a while about how all of this promoting is normal for the kids and such fun. Kate spins a bit of fiction as she says that it isn’t stressful for her anymore. Thank you, Valium.

They visit Good Morning America where we don’t see much of the interview. Someone from the GMA staff passes out lollipops to the kids after their segment which doesn’t please Kate at all. They aren’t organic lollipops and the kids will get sticky. The children bicker and Kate takes the lollipops away, although Hannah is seen with hers later. She tells the kids that she saw a sign that read “no lollipops”. That would be parenting tip #86, I suppose.

They arrive at Fox and Friends, the second stop of the morning, to do a taped segment. Kate stresses that she doesn’t allow the children to do more than two appearances a day and they prefer that one of the two is taped. Kate doles out treats saying that the kids who crowd her don’t get a drink. Huh? Kate, you have 8 kids, it’s your job to be crowded. Perhaps your space would be less invaded if you’d put Hannah down now and then. It’s snacks and sippy cups all around before the kids are hustled onto this huge sofa where they can squirm and be noisy in full view of their parents.

We get a quick glimpse of someone from Zondervan, their publisher. We should see that the exploitive folks at Zondervan get some mail.

Kate, who now considers herself a full-on literati, tells Fox that the book is getting awesome reviews. Kate needs to get something clear. The word “awe” means having the power to inspire dread. The word isn’t necessarily positive. I know people use “awesome” all the time assuming it’s a positive description. It’s not. It is pretty darn funny that she describes her book reviews as things that inspire terror or dread. You stand in awe of something that has the authority to hurt you or has some power over you.

Kate says she loves to meet people. I would imagine that’s because it gives her someone else to which to condescend. Jon later makes the same remark. I guess they got their scripts mixed up.

Jon mentions something about being in a city of 17 million people. Um, Jon, there are a little over 8 million people in NYC. For your figure to be correct, about 9 million people would have had to rush out of the city upon your arrival simply to make room for your borough-sized ego.

Kate reiterates that the reason they wrote the book is so the kids know the struggle they went through but that they love and want every one of them. I guess she keeps saying this to off-set the previous statements she’s made that the tups are the result of an infertility nightmare and that they wanted only one baby. I’m sure the kids will work all this out in a reasonable way when they are teenagers. Jon and Kate AGAIN state how they are not going anywhere and they will be together forever. That’s because saying it makes it so.

While Kate went to the 700 Club to do an hour-long interview, Jon fed the kids lunch because it is important for them to stay on schedule. The fact that the children’s actual schedules have them in school at this time of day, notwithstanding.

Kate talks about how she does a lot of stuff by herself now. It seems she does her best parenting when the children are a couple hundred miles away.

The pressers are complete and the family heads to Central Park for some low-budget fun on the swings and such. The kids have fun, but Kate’s hair is starting to look a little wonky, so it’s time to relax in a carriage ride through the park. On the way, Collin runs into a pillar and is crying. Kate, with Hannah in tow, tells him he’s fine and shoves him over to Jon. Seems Colly can’t interrupt Kate’s quality Hannie time.

They climb into two carriages, with Hannie perched high atop Kate’s lap. The ride is the most enjoyable part of the episode. The kids are peaceful and a few snooze. After the ride, Jon is heard very clearly saying “Thank you very much, Sir.” to the coachman. Good for him. With all the concessions they are given in nearly every episode and as much as others go out of their way to accommodate this family, that phrase should be heard from all of them several times an episode.

It’s about 3:30 p.m. and time to climb back into the bus for their 3 ½ hour ride back to E-town. Kate mentions (sitting next to Hannah, of course) that the bus is a great place for the twins to do their school work. Actually, school is a great place to do their school work. Kate says she brought pajamas for the long drive home, but the kids are still in their regular clothes when they pull into the driveway.

Everyone is exhausted and most are sleeping, including Jon. Exhaustion is something Jon and Kate are used to. Not to insult Einstein, but the Gosselin theory of imbecility states that E = MC² - K. Meaning that energy can only exist without Kate and her omnipresent exhaustion. Kate, in fact, manages to suck all positive energy out of any situation. A human black hole where energy, motivation, and proper haircuts go to die. With all of this Kate-provided exhaustion and suction, I’m straining to avoid the obvious joke, but I strive to keep the censors happy, so I’ll refrain.

As a rare treat, instead of giving us a rundown of their packing process prior to departure, we get all the details of the unpacking process upon their return, because THAT makes such good TV.

I’ve just spent the bigger part of 30 minutes listening to Kate tout the success of her literary effort with nary a mention of Beth Carson, another of the book’s credited authors. Kate only lives a few miles from Beth, now. It’s only a matter of time before they run into each other at the spa. Sure hope the cameras are there.

Submitted by Three Farmers