A Minor Consideration

Are you ready for some trivia?

Q:
Who is Paul Petersen?
A:
Paul Petersen established the organization A Minor Consideration to support child stars and other child laborers through legislation, family education, and personal intervention and counseling for those in crisis.

Know anyone who might need his services? Well, how about a little more trivia?

Q:
In what state is Figure 8 Films (production company for Jon & Kate Plus 8) headquartered?
A: North Carolina

Q: What state brags about its absence of child labor laws?
A: North Carolina

Q: To what state is it believed the Gosselin family will be relocating?
A: North Carolina

When you think of North Carolina, you probably think of the beautiful Outer Banks rather than something as despicable as child exploitation. Yet there it is: this otherwise charming and genteel southern state harbors a dark side -- and Mr. Petersen has been complaining about it for a long time now:

Excerpt:

"Next we will demonstrate why Hollywood Dollars cater to the hormonally driven appetites of adolescent boys, and why the decision-makers trundle off to states like
North Carolina, a Right To Work (for less) State that actually brags about its absence of child labor laws. There is a reason films like "Bastard out of Carolina," (starring Jena Malone) "Firestarter" (starring nine year-old Drew Barrymore), and most recently, "Hound Dog" (starring Dakota Fanning) choose Wilmington, NC as a production base. "

(End of Excerpt)

Another excerpt:

"So far, although Wilmington, North Carolina officials are aware of the controversial child rape scene that was filmed in their back yard, there has been no complaint and no investigation."

(End of Excerpt)

In a speech before the Canadian parliament:

"Why? Why is it that the Film Commissioner of North Carolina, in talking about putting in some basic laws for kids in the entertainment business, does not fear the States surrounding North Carolina…but Canada."

So let's see ... they're moving away from family, remaining friends, church, and community to a place where they will know no one except the film crew whose livelihood depends on how much they can milk out of those children, and where there are no child labor protections.

Yep. This sounds like a VERY GOOD idea. Mr. Petersen is already taking an interest in the Gosselin children; let's encourage him to take more.

Based upon information compiled by mswestern.

Episode Recap - "Embarrassing & Favorite Moments" - 07/21/2008

Jon: “Up until now we’ve filmed a lot of episodes and we’ve come across some likes and dislikes of certain episodes.”

Footage of pumpkin carving, the American Girl trip, the Bounce U boxing match, the train fight at Dutch Wonderland, Jon lasciviously eyeing Kate in her towel (eww), Kate crying at the ‘tups stroller picture in front of their old house. Footage from “Games Gosselins Play” is next, I believe, complete with the screaming fight in the driveway, with Jon all “shut your mouth, stop cleaning and play with your kids.” Nice. By my count that’s many more embarrassing moments than good ones.

Jon blabs on about how it used to be weird to see himself on TV, but now after filming 60 episodes, it’s normal. Can I just insert that ever watching myself on film & knowing that it would be seen by millions would never, ever be easy for me. Does that make me weird, or them?

More strolling down dysfunctional lane: footage of Jon wiping up after “someone took a dump on the floor”, Kate’s plane meltdown…which out of context comes across as really fake, for some reason, and Jon petulantly throwing his (Valentine’s?) shirt down the hall because Kate ordered one that was too small…hee. I forgot how funny that was. “But there are some times where we’re like that was a horrible episode,” says Jon. Like all the episodes they just showed, Jon.

Jen: “Can you give us some examples?” Jon glances sideways at Kate and smirks “Well, there are…” and she interrupts, “Of you.” “Pulling the stick out was a bad one,” says Jon.


And, we’re off.

Kate: “He still regrets that. You never say that. I don’t know what made you say that.”
Jon: “You. The pressure of you.”
Kate: (talking over Jon) “You might think it but you don’t ever say it.”
Jon: “No. I don’t know why I said it.”
Kate: “By you talking about it again they’re going to air it again. Just so you know. So now it will be in two episodes. Aren’t you happy?”
Jon: “So what? That’s the whole point.”

We now cut to the incident in question. They are surrounded by what appears to be 1,000 children. Really, I have no desire for 8 children. Just saying. Anyway, Jon simply asks if the kids will wear their play shoes or good shoes. That’s seriously all the man does. Kate’s all “What did I tell you the other day? Why do you ask every time what shoes they’ll wear?”

Interviewing, Jon says admits that he’s not a good multi-tasker, to which Kate bugs out her eyes and nods up and down emphatically like, “that’s right, dumb-ass, you’re not.”

Back to the fun. After what looks like some time has elapsed, Jon zings “When are you going to pull the stick out? ‘Cause it’s getting really annoying.” Jon, extract the stick yourself & beat her soundly about the head and shoulders with it. You’ve earned the right. Plus, sticks are organic.

Jen: “Did you immediately regret it?” (Read: “Did you know how much you were gonna pay for that one?”)
Jon: “Yes, I was like, oops!” Laughs.
Kate: “I felt bad for him because he doesn’t normally say that. I haven’t heard him say it since, or before that.”

While Kate speaks, Jon is continuously mugging for the camera. Glancing sideways at Kate, glancing at the producer/cameraman/whoever, smirking, tries to cover up his smiling. She is turned to look at him, but he focuses on the others in the room & the camera. He realizes she isn’t done, and tries to pull a more serious face so mom doesn’t hand out another love tap.

Kate: “And there’s a nicer way if your spouse is being grouchy, there’s a nicer way to communicate that if you’re being mature and not immature like you’re sitting there giggling right now. There’s a nicer way to say things. You could have said in a very mature, husbandly way, ‘Kate what are you so bothered about? Can I help you with something?’ I’ve asked you our whole marriage when I’m stressed, say ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ There’s a hundred things you can help me with, but if you don’t ask, I just bark. So, he hasn’t learned that yet. Typical man. It’s alright. We have to love them despite their faults.”

Nothing like a lesson on how to communicate maturely from a woman who manipulates, condescends to, criticizes, and stereotypes her husband, while legitimizing her own bad behavior, all in the space of about 20 seconds. She continues to stare pointedly at Jon, the most awkward of silences ensues until finally Jon says, “I don’t know what to say.” Me either, buddy. I know child support for 8 kids would be tough, but maybe you could fake your own death?


Jen quickly tries to save Jon by getting Kate to describe some of her least favorite moments.


“Well, it’s the Toys R Us episode,” Kate replies.


So, you’re thinking that Kate finally grasps the fact that she showed her ass at the toy store? Not so fast, there.


“Jon was being a child, playing with toys as usual,” Kate says. Footage of day in question, Jon showing the kids animal toys, being a normal human being, etc.

Jon: “Actually I was told to watch the kids.”
Kate: “You were, but you were playing and so involved in your child play you weren’t paying attention to me trying to buy gifts.” Ummm..kay.
Jon: “I was distracting the children so they wouldn’t see what you were buying them.”
Kate: “Right, and you weren’t paying attention to when we needed to move on to the next thing. I don’t even quite remember what it was about except for some reason I needed his help or attention or we were getting ready to…I don’t even remember the details but the fact that I had to yell to get his attention, and yes, I did yell loud, and by the way it sounds louder on the show because I’m mic’ed.”

Footage of Kate’s infamous “Hel-lo!” across the Toys R Us.


Kate: “Everyone that was nearby heard me. But it’s not like anyone in the next building heard me.”

Same “Hel-lo!” footage, except now you notice people whipping around when they hear the bellow of the beast. One lady rushes her kid out of camera range. Then they play the footage again. Jen does not like Kate, y’all.

Jon: “I think I was in lane 5 and you were in 13, so that’s 8 lanes. Everyone heard you.”
Kate: “I’ve never done that since, and I don’t care what he says. We’ve never been in a store where I’ve yelled across the store, ‘Hello!’”
Jon: “Yes we have.”
Kate: “When?”
Jon: “Crayola factory.”

So, it looks like Jon has quite a mental list going of all the times Kate has humiliated him in public and for the enjoyment of the viewing audience. Interesting. And here comes Jen with some more footage! We all remember Kate screaming “Jon!” across a huge room at the crayon factory.

Kate: “That was not a store.” Excellent defense, Kate.
Jon: “No, but you yelled across the whole floor.”
Kate: “Yes, because there was 2,000 people between me and you and I literally yelled to merely have you hear me. I had kids I had to take to the bathroom, kids I had to give to you, and I had to yell, you were way over there and I couldn’t get to you.”


Jon smugly nods the whole time Kate speaks, looks lost in thought for a moment, and says, “There’s three episodes. There’s one at the corn maze, one at the toy store, and one at Crayola.”



OK, I have to say…does Jon not keep track of the many off-camera humiliations I’m sure he’s subjected to? Is it OK unless it makes it to an “episode”? Sad. OK—back to the dirt.

Kate: “I don’t…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Jon: “At the corn maze in our show open, you yell ‘Hel-lo!’”
Kate: “OK, in the recent days have I done that?”
Jon: “In the recent days, no.”
Kate: “OK, there you go.”
Jon: (mumbling) “You’ve been away three days.”

At this point, Kate looks shocked, pissed, and puts her head in her hands. When you see all this dialogue between them written out, it sounds like the conversation between a 15 year-old and his castrating mother. Unpleasant to witness, and really just shoots out of the water any notion that these two are a loving couple. Business partners is a more accurate description, trying to sell their Gosselin ”brand” to the sheeple. We are treated to more Jon-emasculation via the “frickin’ dog” footage outside after the Toys R Us debacle.

Kate: “And, yes, that was a learning moment for me, how that came across. I don’t know what I would’ve done differently, but I just wish Jon…I wouldn’t have yelled, obviously, but I wish Jon would be more sensitive and pay attention to the big picture of what’s going on. Right?”
Jon: (hostile sideways glance at Kate) “Sure, I’ll try.” That dripped in all kinds of insincerity.
Kate: “Thank you.”

And for the funniest moment of the evening, Jen says, “This episode might be a most embarrassing moment.” Jen and the cameraman crack up, Kate laughs in a kind of confused way because she once again does not see that she’s the joke, and Jon just gives Kate YET ANOTHER sideways glance like, “You can’t embarrass her, trust me.”

OK—Joel footage. And as much as I love me some Joel, “Boys have wieners,” is not his greatest hit for me, and, if we’re honest, this episode is so much more about the idiotically embarrassing
parents than the cute kids. The kids are adorable, and as far as I can tell, never do a single embarrassing thing. I heart them, but won’t spend a lot of time recapping their adorable-ness. It’s a given.

After the commercial break, Kate interviews that the ‘tups 3rd birthday party “that everyone says was so over the top” was one of her favorite moments, what with the perfect weather and great memories and whatnot. Then, she explains that really what got to her about that episode is what she said at the end of it. She did some speechifying about how they were lucky to get through the pregnancy with all the babies, etc. which is all true. But the important part is that her own words in that episode still move her to tears. OK, crazy.

Footage of Collin trying to stuff a baby doll in a bike compartment & pulling kids along in the wagon. Cute, yeah, but did Collin really do nothing else in 60 episodes? Oh, wait, I remember my favorite Collin moment. Let’s use that instead. After his mom screamed at him and his brothers for removing a knob off a dresser drawer, she turned her back and he did a “Nanny, nanny boo boo” dance at her. Hee-hee.

OK, back to the “marriage slowly disintegrating” footage. Apparently “Slapping Jon” has been made into a favorite moment. For some. Guess who.

Kate: “Maybe embarrassing and funny is the episode where you have all of the clips of slaps of
Jon…it’s like ‘pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!” (as she pretends to hit Jon all over again).

Footage of 8 or 9 “love taps”. Jen really does not like Kate, y’all.

Jon: “She likes that,”
Kate: “Yeah, I do.”
Jon: “…and that’s an embarrassing episode for me.”
Kate: “Is it?”
Jon: “Yeah, it’s really strange.”
Kate: “It’s for emphasis, I’ve done that my whole life. It happens to be that you’re the one next to me most of the time, so you receive the brunt of it.”

Jon, with a look like “Yeah, go sell that crap somewhere else, lady,” merely says thank you.

Aaden footage! He is very curious about the cameras and seems to like the cameraman, Scott. I love Aaden.

OK, a bunch of blah, blah about not knowing it was illegal to take the pinecones out of the forest in California. Who cares? Some more blah, blah about storing said pinecones in the garage & the disagreement about which box to put them in. Scintillating. Kate then busts out with a compliment for Jon. I know, you’re shocked. Me too! Are you ready?

Jon is good at figuring out how to put things in boxes.

But wait, Jon, before you go and get a big head…you weren’t right about the pinecone box. Sorry. You may be good at putting things in boxes when the cameras are off, but when they’re on & the box is full of illegal pinecones, you’re still a dumb-ass. Again, sorry.

Footage of Hannah kissing her siblings goodbye as she goes for her special day. Sweet. Kate, however, has not been spoken of in the last 10 seconds, so we must get back to her. Sorry, Hannie! We’ll see you later when you’re covered in your own feces, don’t worry!.

Alexis footage. Cutie! But, wait, it’s still kind of about Kate. Footage of Kate coming home from her tummy tuck. The way she comes through the ‘tups door with a big phony “Mommy’s home!” really grates. So contrived. Anyway, Kate is very gratified that Alexis is so amazed to see her. Like she’s a burning bush or dancing elephant. Alexis says sweetly “Hi, mommy, hi!” Aaand now that we’ve portrayed Alexis in a positive way, we can show her covered in poop during the first hour-long special. Classy.

More footage of fun times, Dutch Wonderland, Disneyworld. Kate and Jon both interview, yet again, that their family wouldn’t have ever been able to go to Disney without the show and that they’re so blessed. But, now that we’ve brought up Disneyworld, Jen takes the opportunity to exhibit Kate freak show, episode 278: Vanillagate!

Jon: “Ice cream at Disneyworld.”
Kate: “No.”
Jon: “I thought that would be an embarrassing moment.”
Kate: “Oh, yeah, that was embarrassing.”

Cue the Vanillagate footage, with all its attendant barked orders, mocking, shrieking children, and spousal criticism. And a very uncomfortable-looking Beth, I might add.

Kate: “He disappears, leaves me. I always beg him to protect me, he doesn’t. He’s over there chatting. Letting me freak out, and not even…again, a husband who loves his wife would have stepped forward, despite how embarrassing it appeared, if you wanted me to stop all you had to do was say ‘How can I help you?’. But part of this is you choose to ‘Oh, she’s embarrassing, good-bye! I’m just going to stand over here and chat and act like I don’t know any of them.’ That’s not a help. I just need help. When I’m freaking out it’s because I’m frustrated, can’t move fast enough, and nobody helps me. So if you can just say ‘How can I help you’ instead of mocking me, laughing at how I act, you know, whatever, it could change it.”
Jon: “OK, no one helps you.” (he left off the “whatever, bee-yotch”)
Kate: “I…did I just say that? That no one helps me?”
Jon: “Yes you did, ‘and no one helps me,’ you said.”
Kate: “Yeah, standing aside and watching it all unfold and crumble.”
Jon: “I was watching my kids enjoy the princesses. I didn’t want to go and rehash it again. Sorry for opening my mouth. Maybe I won’t suggest any more embarrassing moments because I’m getting grilled in the seat…”
Kate: “Right.”
Jon: “…every time I come up with an embarrassing moment. So from now on I’m not going to say anything. Hopefully this conversation is over.”
Kate: “It’s not, and that’s not communication. Good try, though. Do you under…”
Jen: (interrupting) “Let’s go back to favorite moments.”

Wow, so, literally everything is Jon’s fault. Kate’s meltdowns are because he doesn’t help her enough when she gets frustrated. He could “change it” (her behavior) if he protected her and gave her enough attention. If the man walked up to her and said “How can I help you?” she would have made him feel like an idiot for not knowing immediately what to do. Jonny-boy cannot win.

Apparently, Leah’s shining moment from 60 episodes is talking about Hannah pooping in her “unna-wears”. OK, cute. Whatever. Commercial break.

Favorite moment with Mady is when she bosses the ‘tups at their old table. Mady and Cara are cute (according to their parents) when they talk about Alexis and her disgusting poop. The whole family goes to cut down a Christmas tree. Jon swears he will never do that again, for which he is shouted down and punched in the face by Kate. Just kidding, but she hints that he will indeed be doing it again, as it is a GOSSELIN FAMILY TRADITION, and you don’t f-around with those.


Jon interviews that in one episode he wore a striped sweater that made him look like a “big, fat, dog.” The footage shows, that it is, indeed, an ugly sweater. Jon talks about how he looks fat and in the episode is at a buffet, so he mimes shoveling food in his mouth. Kate cackles, because she loves to hear Jon, herself, and anyone else refer to Jon as fat. Jon needs his “fuzzy-bunny” ASAP. He also didn’t like that producer Jen wouldn’t let him shave his “beard” for filming continuity during a few episodes.

Blah, blah Cara loves all the ‘tups, but Mady doesn’t, she just pretends to so her parents don’t sell her to the gypsies. The footage of Cara & Mady from the first special shows what we’ve all observed…there are light years between the twins at four and the ‘tups at four.

BS shots of Jon & Kate kissing culled from different episodes. Again, whatever. Ahhh…a last dose of vitriol for the road. Kate says that the episode has helped them learn some things and have some “counseling” in their “counseling chair."

Kate: (hugging Jon) “So do you love me even more?”
Jon: “I’m not saying anything.”


Submitted for publication by dubiwag.