Episode Recap - "Family Movie Night" - 06/29/2008

"Family Movie Night"

This installment of Jon and Kate Plus 8 takes us to Casa Gosselin on Friday, also known as “Movie Night”…or maybe. See, at one point Kate said “movie night” was something they had started recently and done a couple of times, and minutes later it was characterized that they had done it since ‘the girls’ (twins) were ‘this age’ (tups age) and another characterization tells us it was “sort of our tradition. Right, Jon?”

Riiiiiight.

In other words, “We got nothin’, so Jen thought up somethin’.”

But, before we get to movie night we actually have to get through movie day, and thus, we find Jon, sleepy –eyed from possibly a long night in the closet working on his IT skilz, or Facebook ass, whatever. He’s making coffee and getting the girls ready to catch the bus at 7:30. Where’s Kate? Sleeping. Seems as though the school year is winding down and so is Kate. At the beginning of the school year she made it up before 7 to help get the girls out the door, but it appears this gigs getting old and really, what do they need that can’t be accomplished in ten minutes? At 7:20 Kate makes an appearance, just in time to carefully and lovingly pack the girls off with their no doubt nutritious, organic lunches and a kiss, or 49 ½, on the cheek and off they go!!

Back on the couch Kate laments she’s just not a morning person. Jon tells her she may have to step it up soon. One day there’ll be eight to get ready, lunches packed and out the door every morning. Kate appears shocked. Eight?? She’s not good in math. Or maybe it hasn’t crossed her mind because long ago she planned to sub that out along with the laundry anyway. Naturally. She poo-poo’s Jon’s threat and tells him fine, she’ll just go back to bed when those days come. Jon laughs it off, as if he’s still gonna be around then.

After breakfast for the little kids, they all are ushered out the door to play in the garage and ride bikes. Everyone is good at bikes except Aadan. Aaden thinks he’s a baby and likes to ride the baby bike. Aaden enjoys being babied, enjoys whining like a baby, and just in general wants to remain a baby. Can’t imagine where he thought that up. Maybe sitting in his highchair, with his bib on, chugging out of his sippy cup? Anyway, all the other kids, including Jon, ride their brand spanking new bikes around the driveway. Ellen gave them all nice bikes months and months ago, but they were only recently delivered because of their storage issues. That darn house and garage, just too small to fit all the free stuff. Kate’s life is not easy with all these dilemmas she has a result of the free stuff people just keep giving and giving and giving. Little Joel is a great bike rider though. Before he got his new “boy” bike, he used to ride Cara or Mady’s old pink and purple bikes all over the place and he didn’t even care that it was pink and purple! Kate seems almost shocked Joel wasn’t born with the same rigid gender-bias-bordering-on-homophobic-tendencies she exhibits.

The kids play for a long time in the garage. There’s this little tube thing and they all pack into it at the same time, perhaps longing for the days they were all entwined in their mother’s womb, back before things got so crazy. Collin, the little brut controller that he is, gets out and tries to control things, the way Collin does. He’s playing with the kids inside, trying to roll it around, and one of his brothers or sisters starts poking at him from the inside and he tells them to “Knock it off!” Aaden gets frustrated with Collin bossing him around and climbs out of the tube and declares “I’m telling Mommie!”…just as soon as he can find her.

A little while later, oh horror of horrors! It would seem one of the twins left their lunch in the middle of the garage earlier in the morning in the midst of the mad dash to the bus. Two adult parents, six other children and a host of production crew stepped over it for what appeared to be at least a couple of hours before anyone even noticed, “Hey, there’s a lunchbox here.” But have no fear!! Kate summoned her “professional errand runner” to get the lunch to Cara. This was no problem because he was on his way to the post office and the bank to drop off the haul from the weekend before anyway. Just so happens it was Aaden’s turn in ‘rotation’ to go with Jon for errands. What a novel idea someone came up with there. Wish I had thought of it first. The little kids are now old enough to keep track of whose turn it is so it’s a double score for Kate. She gets rid of a kid or two on these errand runs and doesn’t have to clutter her already exhausted mind with the finer details of it. The kids are in charge of their own social calendar.

Return from commercial finds Joel banished to the time out spot in the garage wailing for Daddy. He cries every time Jon leaves. Kate says “He’s always afraid Jon isn’t coming back. (chuckle)…..ehhhh, maybe he knows something I don’t.” Yes Kate, perhaps Joel is aware of a recently developed affinity for Fuzzy Bunnies Jon has, but more on that later.

Leah plays in the garage with Kate, pretending to cut her hair, in what has to be the longest morning ever in Gosselin history. Kate says “I’ve never had a hairdresser who stood in my lap to cut my hair. I’d really like my hair to look nice.” Really, Kate? Cause you could have fooled me.

Finally it’s time for lunch and Collin, the good ‘helper boy’ he is, cleans up the garage and once again wins praise from Kate for what he can do for her. Meanwhile, Jon and Aaden are still running their errands and they stop to get coffee and Jon gets Aaden a free “munchkin” from the coffee and doughnut shop that shall not be named. Back on the couch Kate questions Jon if he got a doughnut and he assures her he didn’t disobey. He didn’t want to get one because he’s going to the gym later. Gym? Jim? Does Jon have a new friend? ‘Cause I could have sworn I just heard the boy say he was going to work out at the gym. Before they make it back home though, Jon and Aaden have to stop off at the dump to discard all the cardboard that has piled up through the week at the house. Jon could make a trip to the dump every day, they have so much cardboard from packages arriving left and right through the week. Yes, between the storage issues for all the free stuff and the debris created by all the free stuff, this life is exhausting and a beggars chores are never done.

Jon returns just in time to drop Aaden off and head over the gym. (Lordy be! That is what he said!) Kate has all the kids down for a nap, and she’s heading off for one herself. Getting up at the crack of 7:30 and sitting in the garage all morning and slicing apples for lunch wears a mom out. But first she has to make sure the production monkeys….errr, assistants, David and Sean, know exactly what they are doing and how to do it Kate’s way when it comes to the job of hanging new blinds in the living room. They are turning out episodes so fast now the producers don’t have time to fidget with lighting corrections and layering and the light coming in on the set isn’t working out quite the way it should, even after the production lighting was installed in practically every room in the place. Kate instructs the guys to make sure when they are drilling the holes for the blinds, one person drills and one person holds the vacuum hose directly up to the screwdriver to catch any shavings as they fly away. Kate doesn’t like unnecessary mess; plus she probably has three or four other chores for her errand boy when he gets back besides vacuuming.

Speaking of errand boy…where is he? Ohhhh, snap! Jon done up and got him one of them fancy, new-fangled professional trainers we’ve all heard so much about. And would you look at that, she’s blond. I’m simply giddy with excitement wondering how this one is going to turn out. Her name is Karen and she’s a fit and trim blond lady, maybe early 40’s, who looks like she could go bear hunting with a switch and give the switch to the bear. In other words, she’d kick your ass, if the need called for it. But really, she’s great. She encourages Jon to work out, to get to feeling better. She compliments him for a job well done when he gains two pounds of pure lean muscle. She motivates him to be a better Jon. Cut to Jon on the treadmill, “I’m just running from Kate.” Yeah, we don’t blame you, buddy. Even with her pushing him every day to work harder, it seems Jon has found an enjoyable respite to his usual routine that includes being bossed around by a blonde. In fact, in what makes for one of the best couch moments in Jon and Kate history, he refers to her as a “fuzzy bunny” in comparison to Kate. Now, I’m not sure about this. Maybe Kate missed the “compared to Kate” part to begin with, but the whole ‘fuzzy bunny’ thing threw Kate off for a minute. My take was that Kate thought Jon had made up a new term of endearment for his trainer, and this concerned her greatly. But even when Jon clarified, “No compared to YOU, she’s a fuzzy bunny.”, I’m still not sure she got the joke. But we did. Oh, yes we did. All in all, Jon is doing a great job. He’s working on his body fat percentage, which he stated was 23% and Kate was quick to correct; 24%. But he’s working on it. Kate really seemed shocked he was sticking to it so well, but really, what’s there for Jon not to love. He gets out of the house for a few hours, he’s buffing up, feeling better, and there’s Fuzzy Bunny there to kindly and gently motivate him. What more could a man ask for? Ok, maybe a Facebook page full of hot co-eds, but I digress. See, Jon, YOU can have it ALL.

But back to Frick and Frack at home hanging the blinds. They work and study the situation, one drills, one vacuums, just like Kate instructed and eventually they stand back to gaze upon their handiwork and proclaim “PERFECT!” But, uh-oh, what’s that? Lady Gosselin has awakened and must come survey the project. “No this just will not do, will not do, I say!” Kate’s concerned about the privacy the blinds as they are will provide her and her family. Luckily the ever astute lead cameraman, Scott, is nearby and can come get the two bumblefucks on the right track and eventually they get the blinds hung to Kate and Jon’s satisfaction.

At this point, I’m asking, where the hell is the movie?

So, the twins make it home and everyone scurries to get ready for movie night! It’s here! It’s here! Right after we watch Kate make popcorn, complete with surprises in each cup, and Jon make drinks. Then we have to watch two adults and eight kids settle into the basement room to all find their perfect spot to watch the movie. It’s hard though because once again the most routine of memory making experiences sends Kate into a quandary. Apparently there isn’t enough furniture downstairs for everyone to have a seat and this causes mass confusion and much pain and suffering for the little kids and Kate. There’s lots of running around and yelling and talking in the middle of the movie and it’s just hard to concentrate with them all talking and obviously a new sectional and strategically placed chairs and big fluffy pillows and other lounging chairs would make all these problems go away. Finally everyone settles in for the main event and we can all hardly wait to see what has been chosen for family movie night as the wide-eyed Gosselin pups shake and shiver with anticipation themselves.

Wait, what’s that? Did a tiger just rip that monkey’s head and limbs off with his bare teeth? Niiiiiice choice there guys. I’m thinking, four year olds, eight year olds; Nemo or maybe Ariel, right? Herbie the Love Bug in deference to the older girls? But noooo. Tonight’s movie was a full on blast of nature complete with monkeys being ripped apart limb to limb and ‘piggyback rides’. Mady completely lost her shit when the tiger killed the monkey and apparently another scene where something freezes to death. Kate explains it’s the “circle of life” and Mady doesn’t care for the circle of life. It seemed they summed it up for Mady: Life is cruel, Mady, get used to it.

At the end of the movie, we see the kids milling around, getting the last sips of their drinks and getting ready for bed. Jon tells Kate, “Let’s clean up, Kate.” And Kate jumps up and begins clearing the room of all the cups and popcorn holders, folding blankets and picking up pillows…..

Haha, fooled you. Ya’ll know that shit didn’t happen.

Jon chased a little kid up the stairs, roaring like a tiger saying “I’ll get you little monkey!!!” I just hope it wasn’t Mady.

Reprinted with permission by Manda.

How Can Jon Gosselin Sleep at Night?

Although Jon became unemployed while Kate was expecting the sextuplets, he did become gainfully employed after their birth. We learned that he was an IT Analyst, employed by the State of Pennsylvania. Reportedly, Kate begged a local politician to find her husband a job. A government job is a great thing to latch onto! Granted, these jobs aren't always high paying, but the benefits are great. Most of these jobs provide health care, life insurance, paid vacations, paid holidays, and most importantly a Pension Plan. In these days of uncertainty a planned retirement is like gold. No worrying about if you can retire when you reach the retirement age. A monthly check will be there for the taking.

Apparently Jon quit this job to sit home and ride the Gravy Train that his children created. Yes, we've heard he was working for family friend, Bob Carson. Then we heard he's working for himself. The bottom line is this topic really isn't discussed on the show, so we really aren't privy to know what he's really doing. It appears to be nothing, unless you count staying home to help Kate manage the house and children. We've seen other helpers so it's questionable if Jon is needed at home on a daily basis. We don't really see Kate over-exert herself, but we do hear her complain about how exhausted she is most of the time.

This is an extremely irresponsible way to live. Don't Jon & Kate realize that the Gravy Train will end? What happens then? There will still be 8 children to clothe, feed and provide an education for. The Government job was a sure thing, but it appears it was thrown away to live in Fantasy Land. I don't know about you but security is very important to me. How can a man who needs to provide a future for his 8 children give up something like that? I don't know if I could sleep at night with this hanging over my head. I'm very surprised that Jon can. Life can be a bed of roses, but you better watch out for the thorns.

Submitted for publication by Lu.