Keeping the Sextuplets "Toddlers" is Savvy Marketing

I’ve read so many comments and observations here from people that question why the sextuplets still wear bibs and sit in high chairs as well as the baby talk that is encouraged instead of corrected.

It’s really quite simple: Smart marketing.

History in the entertainment industry has shown us that once child stars get older that the cuteness is gone and no longer profitable.

Keeping the sextuplets from growing up is making the Gosselins and everyone connected with the show in the business of making money.

What will happen to the show if the sextuplets were allowed and encouraged to develop and mature normally? It would be cancelled and the Gosselins and producers surely must know that.

Seeing almost-5 year old children still talking like toddlers, wearing bibs and sitting in high chairs keeps the illusion of the cute little tykes afloat. As long as the illusion is there, the money making will continue.

It isn’t bad parenting that is keeping them behind in their growth or maturity levels, it’s smart marketing.

Submitted by Kris

Yard Sale Recap

Submitted by Three Farmers

Dragging myself to the television to watch this episode was like walking with two lead weights tied to my feet. That was until my ears perked up with a reason to watch the latest episode of Jon & Kate + 8! A sneak preview to the recent Witherspoon/Vaughn project, “Four Christmases”. Thank goodness, something to which to look forward. Continue

Yard Sale, November 24

Monday, November 24. Jon and Kate have realized how much they've accumulated over the last four years and have decided it's time to clean house and hold a Gosselin-sized yard sale!

30 minutes

New National Enquirer and Redbook Articles

There is a bit about Jon and Kate in the Dec 1 issue. Bohemian Moon has posted a copy here.

Report from a Recent Church Talk

Go here.

For Better or Worse - Recap

On this episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8! Jon and Kate remark how grateful they are at all the freebies they have been given over the years, and then explain how they've reconciled with their estranged family members while simultaneously deciding the kids have had enough of living their lives in front of the cameras, so this will be the last ever episode of this madness. (Continue)

Submitted by Dew.

The Wedding Episode Struck a Journalistic Nerve

This episode has apparently struck a nerve. Here are two articles that ran today.

This national syndicate appeared in the Reading Eagle, a local paper in the Gosselin neck of the woods.

The Boston Herald ran this piece.

It would seem that the freebie train has some cars derailing.

Leis and Luaus - November 10 Recap

Leis and Luaus

Anyone care to guess how tempted I am to summarize this episode by writing, “The Gosselins took a vacation and got a lot of free crap. See all season four recaps for details.” and just call it a day ?

I know, I know…I can’t do that to you guys, but you get the idea. SSDD. It’s a vacation to remember, but still begs the question: Vacation from what? The last vacation? I just don’t know what these people have done that warrants a ‘vacation’ from anything. defines vacation as: “A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.”, “leisure time away from work devoted to rest or pleasure”, “a period in which activity or work is suspended”. So, you can see the problems all over that terminology.

The Gosselins are wrapping up their five day layover in San Diego that they needed to allow the kids to adjust to the time zone change on their way to Hawaii, and finally, they arrive in Maui where they are greeted with more people who are just happy to see them as well as a table full of crap at the Grand Wailea. Everyone gets lei’d and boy….
No…..OK…too easy there.

The immediate plans before this big farce of a second wedding ceremony are hula lessons and lei making for the girls and shopping for wedding shirts for the boys. This, much like the last episode, is shaping up to be a big honking flashing neon sign advertisement for the resort du jour, in this case the Grand Wailea. The Gosselins settle in to their awesome digs and Jon takes the twins to the waterslides while Kate and Jenny take the little ones to one of the many on-site pools. There’s a Lazy River on site, which no doubt works well for Kate. Leah proves to be quite the little swimmer. Of course, they all should be by this point after spending the last five months vacationing. It’s said that if Leah grew gills, she could be a fish. That could be applied to a lot of things with this family. For instance, if Kate grew a conscience, she could be a human. If Jon grew balls, he could be a respectable man. It will be ‘neat’ to be able to say Leah started swimming in Hawaii. Well, it was bound to happen somewhere, I say, as much as these kids have spent in pools, at beaches and resorts this summer.

Up next, Mady heaving and gagging. She’s turning into quite the Mini-Me of Kate, unfortunately. I so hope Jenny will act as a buffer for some of that so the child will learn there is a right way and a wrong way to go through life. Jon takes them to the beach and Mady is scared of the waves, but manages to make some friends along the shoreline which is a good thing to see. I’m glad Jon doesn’t shoo away every person who approaches his children. I’m sure the ever-constant cameras following these children around add some curiosity factor to their presence, but things like that little friend you made at the pool or shoreline that year at the beach are what childhood memories are made of. I hope when Mady grows up she retains those memories and finds joy in them, and her whole childhood isn’t summarized as ‘the cameras were always there’ or “Mom was afraid of attention seekers and didn’t let us make friends.” Sometimes there are just genuinely good people who pass through our lives. Some stay but some of those moments are fleeting but nonetheless valuable, and I hope Mady and the other kids have those memories.

The fun with friends that we see only lasts a few minutes, but I do hope the production team didn’t just show this time together for the sake of critics and allowed Mady to play with her new friends, perhaps without the cameras so they could all be at ease. We know what a grueling schedule they have to keep. Next shots show Jon and the girls on the water elevator that takes them to the top of the waterslides, and it’s back to grind, complete with more shrieking and protests by Mady. I think she’d be very happy back on the beach playing carelessly with her new friends and without cameras, but it’s just a feeling I get. I don’t think Mady likes these forced setups and obviously things she doesn’t care very much for all for the sake of getting the ‘money shot’, complete with a Mady meltdown. She knows it by now.

Later, the kids join Chef Eric and Natalie in the kitchen for baking and decorating cookies. Kate’s stressed over this, which is just shocking, don’t you think? I just can’t imagine Kate being stressed over something as simple as cookie decorating. Wait, oh yeah, I can.

Once again, Mady is banned from an activity, despite the fact they are making two batches of cookies; Mady Cookies and Cara Cookies. It’s just so sad how they have chosen to further exclude Mady and distance her from her siblings. I understand Mady. I know she is a troubled child and may be hard to deal with at times. The thing that baffles me is that they can’t see the why’s of that,this Catch 22 they find themselves in, afterall it is at their own hands that they have created this troubled child.

After all the cookies are made, with Jon assuming the role of Mady and making the batch of Mady Cookies, it seems they go out of their way to let it be known none of the kids wanted any Mady Cookies. Wonder why? Could it be that the parents have so ostracized Mady from the family that even the little kids want nothing to do with anything Mady? Very, very sad.

The family goes to eat dinner at a beautiful grass hut restaurant, where more PR for the Grand Wailea ensues. At this point, it’s really quite embarrassing to watch how they have sold their souls to this type of stuff. I take none of their compliments of the restaurant or the resort as a whole as genuine. It’s just part of the script now. Joel is pretty cute and genuine as he enjoys some lobster but that’s about as far as it goes.

The girls all go to make leis, and they really are very beautiful. We learn Cara lost a beloved stuffed animal in San Diego, “Slumber”, that she has had since she was three years old. We can all rest easy knowing that the resort they were at in San Diego found the cherished toy and happily shipped it back home to them in Pennsylvania. Another perk of being a big star I guess. While the girls are making leis, the boys go on a treasure hunt around the area. Joel finds a palm frond and pretends it is his very own mic, carrying it around just like his ever present buddies from the production crew do, hanging it over their heads. Yep, these kids are just your average little tykes. My four year old pretends he’s a dinosaur and these kids pretend they are television programming production crew. Nothing out of the ordinary about that.

Finally we get around to some hula lessons for the girls. Thankfully Mady isn’t banned from this activity and we see, once again, given the right circumstances and exposure, Mady can and will excel at the task at hand. She takes great pride on her accomplishments and relishes any and all praise she gets, usually from strangers hired to work with the family, but I imagine at this point, the child will take anything she can get to help that growing self esteem problem festering in her.

The boys take off for a little shopping. Jon has to pick up the shirt he ordered online before arriving in Hawaii, and they need to purchase shirts for the boys for the service. This whole excursion is basically another ad for Moonbow Tropics in Maui.

The whole family garners a front row seat for a luau that evening they all seem to enjoy. I’m a little shocked they didn’t get their own private luau but it’s good to let the kids see there are actually other people who coexist in the world with them. It looks like a fun evening for everyone and Mady gets an opportunity to go on the performance platform with some other kids from the crowd to show off her hula lessons. She did a great job and seemed to enjoy it.

Next up the whole family takes a catamaran trip out to snorkel and see sea turtles and other underwater creatures. This really looks like another fun day, but really, who couldn’t have fun in Hawaii? Of course, Kate is her usual hesitant self when it comes to actually getting in the water but she does it. The boat captain is really nice and funny and interacts well with the kids, engaging them often and letting them take turns driving the boat and Aaden helps prepare lunch. Jon makes a joke about throwing Kate overboard; yes, the woman he is about to recommit to. I don’t know about those kind of jokes from Jon. We’ve tried them in jest and they don’t blow over so well, so I’m not sure someone so close to her who knows her so well should either. The episode ends with Alexis quiet for a change, with her head buried in a boogie board that has a viewing circle made into it so she could see under the water surface without having to dive under.

Previews for the next episode show what is hopefully an end to this blatant advertisement for the Grand Wailea with finally this recommitment ceremony we’ve all been hearing so much about. After the last two episodes which were basically the same, change the name of the city and resort name and it’s basically the same old same old, I hope they’ll get this party started. This was quite honestly the most boring episode I have ever seen.

They needed to mix it up and throw in the threat of some dreaded tropical disease just for fun. I don’t know, something like “Dontwantus Gobacktoworkus” could be interesting. Ooops, too late, they’ve already contracted that. Must have been in Key West.

Submitted by Manda

Monday Nov 17 - For Better or Worse

Jon and Kate prove that they are more committed than ever to each other and their unique life together as parents of multiples. After almost ten years of marriage, Jon and Kate have a wedding vow renewal ceremony in Hawaii and you are cordially invited!

60 Minutes

Gosselins and Discipline

There have always been many comments about the Gosselins and how they discipline---or don't discipline---their kids. They have admitted that there are different consequences for bad behavior off-camera that they don't want shown on television. (For the record, I agree with that.) But does that mean that the same consequences for the same bad behavior are used consistently, and certain things are left on the cutting-room floor, or does it mean that different days and different circumstances have diffferent results depending on whether there is a camera present?

I would speculate that they base their method of discipline on whether or not the film crew is there. While this is a good idea for reasons of privacy and dignity---one of the few examples of such with this particular family---I feel that the lack of set, predictable consequences for misbehavior is doing a disservice to the children and contributing to them acting out of control. In fact, I would submit that it's Jon and Kate's overall inconsistency toward discipline that is causing their children, as precious as they are, to behave in ways not fitting for 4 1/2-year-olds and 8-year-olds.

With their lifestyle being what it is, as busy and demanding and chaotic as it can get---especially for small children---it must be adding to the general confusion when expectations and consequences seem to be a random flip of the coin. And the kids all seem like pretty smart cookies; they must be getting to the point where they realize that they can get away with a lot more during certain circumstances: on filming days, in public places, when a helper is in charge, etc.

A few comments were made on the "Leis and Luaus" thread that the Gosselins used to brush off Mady's bad behavior as hunger or dramatics or just her personality, and not really punish for it---but that now, all of a sudden, they are imposing consequences for her "dramatics" by not allowing her to participate in fun vacation activities with the rest of the family. I realize that no parent is perfect, that sometimes it takes awhile to decide to really crack down and enforce standards of behavior, and that it's "better late than never" to require good behavior of your child. But there is still the problem of consistency. Sometimes Mady is punished; other times she is not. Mady is punished for one thing; Cara is not punished for the same thing. One of the sextuplets throws a fit or hits another and it's overlooked; next time it's dealt with. On Monday this behavior will get you put in time out; on Tuesday it's a different punishment, on Wednesday it's simply ignored...all dependent upon the moods of the parents, where they happen to be and what they happen to be doing that particular day, or whether the film crew is there or not.

One thing that child-raising experts have always stressed is consistency of word and deed. The only consistency this family seems to have is that there isn't any. I realize that it's pure speculation for me to say what exactly they do as far as discipline goes and why, but I'm only basing my observations on what has been seen on the show and verbalized by the family in interviews, talks, etc. If Jon and Kate want their kids to grow up to be productive members of society---and to not give them absolute hell during the teen years!---they should start by setting rules, ensuring those rules are followed, and practicing consistent discipline. Even if they change very little else about their lives, unchanging standards of behavior across the board would go a long way toward improving the kids' attitudes and behavior both.

- Contributed by Natasha

Gosselins VS Other Reality Shows and Families

We've been getting a lot of comments about the Gosselins vs other reality families (Duggars, Roloffs, Hayes, Harris, etc.) plus one of our friends wrote the piece below. Please post all your future comparisons here. Those that wander into other posts are subject to be rejected now that they have a home. This is intended to be a blog about the Gosselins not every other reality family and we decided that we would open this one spot since there seems to be a desire for it. Also, we won't be responding to emails comparing the families. Thanks!

Here's the difference between the freebies the Roloffs get and the freebies the Gosselins get, and why I don't have a problem with the freebies the Roloffs get.

1. The Roloffs don't ask for it, hint for it, in any way whatsoever. The Gosselins practically beg.

2. Freebies haven't changed the Roloffs. They are still the same good people they were the first special ever made. The Gosselins have just gotten worse.

3. The Roloffs have always been so appreciative of anything they've ever been given.

4. The Roloffs do not live off freebies. Amy works, Matt works, the children work and pull their weight. The Gosselins live their lives around freebies. The Roloff's story about overcoming what is a real disability actually IS inspirational when they go on limited speaking engagements, and they had been doing speaking engagements about dwarfism even before this show began.

5. The Roloffs stay home most of the time like little old men and women. There have only been a few episodes about trips, and rarely in any kind of VIP excess. They have almost certainly turned down countless freebies. The Gosselins: "Who are we to say no?"

6. The Roloffs give back. Matt has his own charity. The Gosselins do not give back.

Contributed by Dew.

Premise of the Show

Can anyone tell me what the premise of this show is now?

I mean it started as a couple dealing with the daily struggles of raising twins and sextuplets. It's nothing like that now. Opinions, please?

Submitted by 3 Farmers

Leis and Luaus - November 10

After several days of travel, the Gosselins arrive in Hawaii and learn about Hawaiian culture through private lei making and hula lessons, Hawaiian cooking classes, snorkeling in the Pacific Ocean and participating in a traditional Grand Luau. (60 minutes)

Legoland and Animal Safari Recap

On this episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8! Kate and Jon are on vacation! Vacation from what, nobody knows.

We're still trying to get to Hawaii so this ridiculous couple can renew their vows and go home, but we're not even remotely close to that moment yet, unfortunately. The family needs five days to adjust to a three hour time change, and do this by relaxing at LegoLand and Wild Animal Kingdom in San Diego. San Diego just happened to offer them a free trip at exactly the same time that Hawaii did! San Diego is not to be outdone by Hawaii, of course. Gotta keep up with the Joneses. Going around America's most expensive cities spending money is quite relaxing, I suppose, if you have money in the first place.

Credits roll. I appreciate the sympathy for my 401k in my last recap. If anyone is wondering, it's doing a bit better this week. It felt your love.

At the airport, which I think is Philadelphia--hey, it looks just like that episode Plane Ride to Utah, with maybe the kids a little older. Oh, yeah, and no Beth helping. They don't need no stinking friends or relatives anymore. Not when they have a catatonic nanny.

Kate leads the kids to the restroom, which everyone insists is still called the "potty." At a certain point that will no longer be cute, and it's coming soon. This is actually one of those few moments that harkens back to what I thought was the real premise and "hook" of this show--which is the logistics of getting eight little kids all about the same age through day-to-day life. For instance, how will only a few adults get this many kids in and out of an airport restroom (or potty, if you're a Gosselin)? Well, they line them up outside, Jon watches the line, and it looks like Kate and Jenni take them in one at a time. But that's all we're gonna get of the mundane stuff that is surprisingly interesting. TLC is much more interested in the thousands-of-dollars trips, and are convinced we are, too! Networks. I wish I could vote them as our president.

The kids are getting really good at going through security. That's odd, because just a short while ago Kate was insisting that the kids have barely ever flown before. In their spare time have they been jet-setting to Japan like Brad Pitt does making watch commercials only the Japanese see for some extra cash? I have my suspicions. But seriously, I really want to know how these kids got so used to airplanes when everyone always likes to try to pretend they stay home and live very normal uneventful lives. Yeah, I don't think so.

The kids are crying and screaming, probably because they're hungry for breakfast, tired, sick of the cameras, or all three, and Kate is yelling at Jon about something. "We're very disorganized on this trip," she complains. Probably because she no longer has real pros the kids really respond to along, like Beth or Jodi.

Kate picks a completely stupid fight with Jon about who will lead the group and who will head up the rear. Seriously, why does it matter? Just someone over the age of 18 get in front and someone also over 18 get in rear. Kate insists she has to be in the rear because she's not good with directions. I've been to the Philly airport at least six times on connecting flights if not more; it may be huge but it couldn't be more simple to get where you're going. Step one, you look at your gate on your ticket. Step two, you look at the yellow signs above your head which clearly point which way your gate is. Step three, you proceed in that direction to said gate. Jon explains that it is annoying to be in front because Kate is always telling him to walk faster and overall irritating him while he's trying to be the leader. Yeah, I can see that. Poor Jon, another damned if he does damned if he doesn't situation. Kate has him just where she wants him.

Jon snaps, "You're stinkin' annoying. Too bad." They keep fighting over this for quite some time, all in front of the kids, too, as well as the nanny, who probably feels super awkward right now. Hysterically, while this is going on, the nanny kind of quietly wanders to the front with a few kids and starts to lead. Jon and Kate STILL keep fighting. Kate claims that she is dealing with everything and Jon is doing jack, just like she always does. And she's completely wrong, just like she always is, since Jon is, as usual, busting his balls. That is if he still has any, which is open to debate. I'm reminded why this couple and this marriage completely, utterly, BUG.

On the couch, Kate is still not letting this go. Another of her admirable qualities--she holds grudges as hard as some people are trying to hold onto their jobs in this economy. She is talking in circles not making any sense at all about why Jon had to be up front. She finally tells Jon to just say that she is right and get it over with. She even grabs his mouth and tries to make him form the words. Man, she is desperate! My grandfather always said the more wrong they are the louder they talk. Good advice, Grandpa. Thankfully, Jon is like, no way not sayin' it. I have a great book recommendation for Kate, it's called "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In." I think the techniques in that book might work a little better for her rather than her current strategy.

The howler monkeys and their parents herd onto the plane. Kate is, of course, "exhausted." She's got a four-buck Starbucks grande in hand to pep her up. Jenny is stuck in the very back row where you can't even recline your seat because it's built up right against the bathroom wall. She kind of casually suggests she sits somewhere else, but Kate forces her to the back. Being a nanny for a celebrity family has such wonderful perks, doesn't it? Surprisingly, Cara, not Mady, is having a complete meltdown. And they haven't even left PA yet! She bangs her hand on the seat for emphasis. "This is the worst trip ever!" she sobs. "Ever! Ever!" Cara coming alive! I love it!

Kate already made it abundantly clear she doesn't want to sit next to Alexis on the plane in the last episode. Now, right in front of Alexis, she reiterates that she was avoiding this child and doing everything she could to pass her off on Jon. I guess she thinks Alexis is not old enough to realize her mom is talking about her, making fun of her, and doesn't want to be around her? "My seats are full!" Kate laughs evilly. I give her a dirty look.

So very oddly, Kate says they've been with the kids to California "numerous" times. Huh? As far as we know they've only been with the Tups to California once for the Ellen show, and with the twins to northern California once for a speaking engagement. That's only two. But I actually believe Kate that it's been numerous, because of how good the kids are at traveling cross country. I think there is a shitload of jet setting going on above and beyond what we see on the show, which I don't think is very healthy for these kids--the stress, the time change, the long flights, the instability, and so on. I don't know where they are going--photo shoots maybe, production meetings, free trips we don't know about, but it's a lot. Also out of curiosity, what is the plan to keep all this up when they are in school?

Oh God we're only five minutes into this episode. I better speed this up.

Kate and Jon justify a huge thousands-of-dollars trip to San Diego by insisting that the children couldn't possibly adjust to a six hour time difference without five days of fun, sun and a resort in San Diego. This way they can slowly adjust to about forty minutes a day. I see their point.

The kids are fairly good on the plane and Kate actually made a great effort to try to entertain them with various games, food, and things like that. She ruins the moment by reminding us again really truly no one likes Alexis, like, at all. Personally? I think the little leprechaun is great.

They land. Kate gloats on and on about how a flight attendant thought her kids were so well behaved. Cut to Collin who is refusing to get off the plane with Jenni and in fact wants to go backward down the aisle. I'm afraid that won't get you back to PA, Collin, or out of this family, either. Jenni, the alleged nanny, is utterly clueless how to handle this, and Collin bolts ahead. On his way out, he smacks his head hard on the bulkhead. He's wearing crocs. I wonder if that made him trip, because I've heard a lot of people complain that crocs make little kids trip. Incidentally, I thought Kate was heading up the rear. Why is the nanny now heading up the rear? It seems like a parent would want to be last out of the plane to check for stray children, ipods, sweaters, things like that. Oh, well.

Kate explains that the reason Collin got hurt was that God was punishing him for not obeying Jenni. Um, what? HOLD UP. Does anyone still actually believe that God punishes anyone, much less an adorable four-year-old little boy, by causing them to fall on their head and possibly get a concussion, skull fracture, or worse? I thought that was something 17th century Puritans and possibly a few leftover followers of Jerry Fawell held fast to, but certainly not mainstream Christians these days. And for the record, if not for the show, Collin wouldn't have been on this airplane in the first place, let alone had a nanny who can't control him. He could have been seriously hurt and Kate is sitting around talking about some vengeful God.

I know religion is a hot topic and that a casual reader might just think I'm prejudiced against the Bible Belt. But I am actually a very regular church goer myself (I attend an evangelical Presbyterian church), and I'm still really shocked that Kate believes this, I have to say. It's clear to me she is a religious nut, and TLC has done a damn good job of keeping it on the down low for much of this series since they already had the religious angle with the Duggars. Jon and Kate were inconveniently just as Godly, so they had to sort of try to avoid it. I’m super curious now what she actually says at her church speaking engagements, if anyone can afford to hear her anymore.

While we're on the subject, let's talk about Jenni. She's not a stand out nanny by any means. She's not all that enthusiastic, creative, or affectionate. But she does the job and puts up with a lot of, well, shit. The kids seem moderately attached, at least some of them. But she'll be gone in another couple months of course, when she does something that offends Kate and gets herself estranged. Kids can get super attached to caregivers, and to shuffle in and shuffle out a bunch of rotating faces without really giving them any lasting stability, is really cruel, I think, and also really insensitive. I wonder if anyone has helped the Gosselin kids feel and process the loss of Beth, Jodi, or others. Eh, probably not. Moving on!

They get on a bus to Paradise Point, a gorgeous resort, which invited them. Read: Paid for it all.

Coming up, Kate manages to ruin some more fun!

The family has settled in at Paradise Point on Mission Bay island, which also has a spa. I bet Kate requested that! Kate explains that it was perfect because they never had to interact with anyone since it had a bunch of private entrances. That's nice. I hate interacting with people, too.

"Jenni had her own room," Jon explains. Then Jenni explains that actually Mady and Cara slept with her on the rollaways. So yes Jenni had her own room, I suppose, not counting the two kids in it. Ha! I certainly predicted that one correctly. I am really curious how much Jenni is getting paid for not even being allowed two minutes to herself on this entire trip.

They explain where everyone else slept, which is boring, and then they explain that the kids no longer need potties. Seriously? Hallelujah. How old are they, like twelve now? Notably, Kate and Jon have their own master suite "away from the kids." I see why they needed to bring the nanny along.

Jon and Kate take all the kids to the pool. The kids are really turning into little fishies after getting some swimming lessons. They should consider getting a swimming pool at their house in PA, huh? Perfect investment in this economy.

For like the sixth time Jon explains why they need to spend five days in California spending TLC's money and adjusting to the time difference. The three…hour….time difference. We get it, we get it!

After lunch Jon and Kate take the kids to a lagoon, except Mady, who is back in the hotel with the nanny. Mady was misbehaving so she wasn't allowed to come along. I actually don't have a problem with this. If a kid is misbehaving, she should lose privileges like doing something fun with everyone else. But I do have a problem with Kate calling her "ugly." She is a misbehaving child, not a duckling. All kids misbehave at some time. They are appropriately punished, and hopefully they act better next time and eventually grow into nice adults. Ugly has nothing to do with it.

They buy some fish food and let the kids sprinkle it in the water. This is such a great activity and kids always love stuff like this. Kate is even taking pictures and everyone is having a blast. Jon gets some drippy squid to feed the sharks, which is super cool. Everything is going so great until Joel drips a little squid water on himself. Kate freaks and tells him he's going to stink like a fish but "we can't change you!"

Um, why can't they change him? Because the boys won't match? Because they don't have any other clean clothes? Because the nanny is not available to change him? That's just ridiculous. A nice moment ruined. Thanks Kate!

Commercials. The Duggars have their own show now. Copiers! The Duggars may be odd ducks, but I like them so much better than this family and I could write a dissertation on why. Starting with how much more appreciative they are of the little things in life and how aware they are of how wonderful and blessed their happy and healthy family is. But alas I'm stuck recapping this crap. God must be punishing me.

We're back! Jon decided to get a paddleboat which unfortunately only seats three kids. Kate decides who has been really good today and who will get along with who, and Jon and Kate manage to split the kids up without them realizing it so that Cara, Hannah and Collin go with Jon to the paddleboats and the rest of the kids go with Kate to the beach. Aw.

Jon insists that Cara has to ride backwards in the paddleboat. She has a meltdown and says riding backwards makes her sick, which I'm sure it does. It does quite a few people. Thankfully Jon figures out a way where she can kneel on her knees and face forward in her seat. Problem solved. I don't want to even imagine how Kate would have handled this issue. Probably call her ugly and banish her to the nanny, I suspect. And involve God somehow.

Back at the resort, the nanny is watching the kids on the beach. At least the nanny is having some nice quality time with these kids that aren't hers. And Kate is standing around crossing her arms and talking to the cameras. After all the efforts to not let the kids know they had to split them up for the boats, Jon paddles straight up to everyone to say hello. Wow, that's kinda mean. Of course the other kids want a ride, too. Aw, that stinks that they all couldn't go.

Kate takes a couple pictures with her iphone. Yet another thing the average American really probably can't afford. Or at least shouldn't get, budget wise. Of course I have a Blackberry I can't afford whatsoever, so who am I to talk. I "need" it, I promise.

The production crew rented another paddle boat and desperately tried to keep up with Jon and the kids to film them, but they really couldn't. I think that's a sign from God. You know, to leave them alone for once.

Kon finally realizes it's totally unfair to just arbitrarily take two kids on a paddleboat, and Hannah is always the good child anyway so that's really an uneven contest, so they start taking turns with all the kids and shockingly, even Kate participates. Everyone is getting a chance to ride at some point, which I'm very happy about. Unfortunately with eight kids, you're going to either have to make an effort to make things like this as fair as you can, or not do them at all. I know critics will say life is not fair, but trust me, these kids will get that lesson plenty of other times.

Coming up, building more memories at expensive amusement parks!

We're back. They're going to Legoland, which is actually in Carlsbad, not really that close to San Diego. But that's okay we can pretend it's in San Diego. Anyway, you would think part of the hook of traveling with this many kids is how you're going to get them to where you want to go, but not this show anymore. Production has chartered a shuttle which drives everyone there, and everyone naps peacefully on the way. Drama gone. Yawn.

Legoland is pretty much just like every other amusement park episode of which there have been way too many, so I'm going to skip most of it. The short of it is Kate can't go on a ride without yelling at Jon and making everyone edgy and nervous.

At one point Alexis tries to make her escape from this family, but unfortunately Kate catches her and drags her back. I've never seen Kate run so fast after something. But after all it's like watching money blow away in the wind when a child in this family wanders off. They should get these kids insured. Mady gets super frustrated when trying to drive these cute little Lego boats. She's going to be a fun one to teach to parallel park.

Coming up, more fun at the amusement park! More screaming, but at least it's happy screaming.

We're back! "If you're in San Diego you oughta do Legoland!" Kate announces. Or, Carlsbad. Whatever.

The nice people at Legoland let the children into their new totally awesome aquarium. It has fish and little Lego scuba divers and cool stuff like that. Most things are built down low so that it's incredibly kid friendly. It's not even open to the public yet. I hope someone explained to the kids what an incredible privilege it is to have a private advanced viewing of an exhibit like this. I hope they don't break it. These kids are destructive. I really fear for these kids when eventually they realize first, that one day they will have to stand in line for maybe hours for this stuff, and two, they will actually have to pay for it and that a lot of parents will probably say sorry honey not this time. Maybe if we get a coupon someday.

Poor Aaden's having a tummy ache. Maybe God is punishing him? Nope, Kate attributes this to not eating organically. Oh for Christ sake. Okay, then I'm gonna attribute it to the stress of having his entire two weeks of his what was meant to be relaxing vacation filmed 24/7. Two different opinions. Both equally possible I think!

Coming up! More amusement park fun/spending money.

We're back. Finally it's their last day in San Diego. I hope to God everyone has adjusted to the three hour time difference by now. They head over on their private shuttle to Wild Animal Park. At the park some nice park lady is taking them around on another shuttle.

I think it's really funny that Aaden says his favorite animal is a dragon. That's not even a real animal, cutie pie. The park lady seems like she's thinking, um, well, not sure if I can show you that one. What a cute child.

The park lady does her best to educate the family about the various animals, but no one really listens, not surprisingly. They're on vacation. This is no time to learn!

Another park lady gives the family a private viewing of a bunch of smaller animals. There's a super cute owl and the kids are getting a lot better at petting gently compared to other animals parks we've seen them at in the past.

The lady brings out a really tired, shy springhass, which looks like a bunny and a kangaroo had sex. Seriously. It's creepy.

The kids want to know why the springhass is so shy. "Don't you like a little privacy?" the park lady asks. Ha, I almost think she might have read GWOP at one point the way she said that.

"Yes!" Kate cries. Oh, gimme a break, Kate. If privacy is an issue, you're welcome at any time to turn the cameras off. Lord knows there are plenty of us who have been asking you to do that for over a year now.

Some people have claimed on the boards that Mady said, "But we never get it!" in response to the comment about privacy. My closed caption doesn't know. I honestly can't really hear for sure what Mady said. But I'm sure it was something snarky and awesome. I love those smart-mouthed twins. Their parents deserve it.

They bring out a little alligator. Alexis is truly THRILLED. It's so adorable. And her parents actually appreciate her pure joy, which is nice.

Finally the day is done, and they have to get back to the hotel and pack for Hawaii. They thank Paradise Point, which just reaffirms to me that they paid for everything.

This was a nice trip, I guess. Expensive of course, completely unnecessary, but nice. There were a few moments where Kate and Jon were good parents, involved and engaged and happy. And not to be outdone, there were many more moments where they were back to their ridiculous selves. I still can't believe we're not in Hawaii yet.

Coming up, allegedly we finally get to Hawaii, but I'm not banking anything on it.

Submitted by Dew.

Legos and Safaris- November 3

During a sponsored Hawaii trip, the Gosselins make a stopover in San Diego, California to visit Legoland and the San Diego Zoo. (60 minutes)

Missing Persons!

"We have enough people in our family now for a whole wedding party."

Indeed the Gosselin family may have to play host to it’s own wedding -- and be its guests as well. Time after time, we’ve seen folks join the show as “helpers,” only to be discarded after a few months. Even in not-for-profit industries, the average lifespan of a volunteer is 18 months! Yet, the best the Gosselins seem to be able to come up with are some island folks who haven’t had the misfortune to incur the Wrath of Mommy Dearest.

Below is a body count of folks who have accidently given Kate a wire hanger!

Kate's Parents (Charlene and Kenton Kreider)
Location: PA
Missing Since: Before the show started
Status: Banned due to an outpouring of mismatched clothing and second hand furniture; inability to "know how to help."

Uncle Kevin (Kate's brother)
Location: PA
Missing since: Emptying potties and taking care of 12 (TWELVE) sick children!
Status: Banned because the sick children weren’t placed on the laundry room floor

Aunt Jodi
Location: PA
Missing since: Hairplugs episode
Status: Skidded on the outs during Gumgate

Ashtyn, Braeden, Alyssa and Baby Benny (Kevin and Jodi’s kids)
Location: PA
Missing since: Hairplugs episode
Status: Casualty of Gumgate

Clairissa (Kate's sister), Robert and Reagan
Location: PA
Missing since: Clarissa seemingly out of contact. G’kids don’t seem to have contact with C’ son. Forced to choose between Gosselins or parents
Status: Waiting for God to give a sign

Jeff and Kendra (Kate's sister), Dale and Christen (Kate's sister), Mark and Tom (Jon's brothers), Pamela and Albert (Jon's mother and stepfather)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Unknown
Status: Unknown

Kate’s brother-in-law (Jeff)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Painting the Pepto Bismol bedroom
Status: Last seen stepping into a Hazmat shower. Never came back out.

Bob, Beth (BFF), Kayla, Brittany, Bryce, Taliah Carson
Location: PA
Missing since: 2007 after Bob gave Jon a “job” and Beth wrote the book
Status: Banned after Utah trip and after the book went to press

Carla & kids
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Carla seen on rare occasions -- perhaps she’s kept busy with a can of bathroom cleaner at night. Or perhaps she’s picking up stray bits of rose bushes that have been chopped haphazardly by huge garden shears. Children missing since twin’s bedroom episode
Status: On hiatus

Susan (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Jon’s 30th birthday trip to FL Keys
Status: Mentioned rarely

Nana Janet (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Oprah trip
Status: Last seen folding

Nana Joan (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: July 4th Parade
Status: Suspected of hijacking Kate’s hotdog and is on the lam!

Helper Beverly (ironer)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Laundry day became Jon and Kate, the kids and the crew
Status: Stuck in the spin cycle

Old Church
Location: PA
Missing since: Quality donations/helpers declined
Status: Abandoned

Church Speaking Engagements
Location: Nationwide
Missing since: More money requested
Status: Thrown a bone now and then

(Note: Tito has been removed, due to misunderstandings. There is a joke that apparently not everyone has read, that was posted and went back to Tito Jackson and other "missing" TV characters. It in no way was this intended to relate at all to the seventh egg sac/fetus that failed to develop. No such meaning would ever be intended here and we are sorry that anyone was offended.)