Where Jon and Kate Have Gone Wrong

Where Jon and Kate have gone wrong....Thinking they have cornered the market on sacrifice, pain, frustration, and struggle. They're no different from any other family, and I find it simultaneously laughable and infuriating that they somehow think they are special.

I may not have eight children, but I am a single parent to one little girl. Guess what? That is hard, stressful, sad at times, and frustrating too. No one said parenting was easy, regardless of how many kids you have or what your situation is: rich or poor, one parent or two, straight parents or gay, old parents or young. I LOVE my daughter. I enjoy her for who she is. Exactly who she is. Not a cookie-cutter, GAP ad version of who she is. Messy, clean, happy, sad, "meltdown", et cetera, I love her all along the way.Kate and Jon certainly seem, at least as far as the cameras capture, to be "I love you because I have to" parents. They need to become "I love you because you are you" parents.

That is my most valuable parenting advice. Love your children for who and what they are. It is clear from watching the show that they do not.

From a 24 year old single mother, who did not expect to have a baby, did not know anything about children prior to actually having one, who loves her daughter more than the sky and earth and land and sea, love your children for who they are, and PROTECT THEM.When I tune into that horrible program (which I am less likely to do these days because I feel sick after watching), all I see are two stressed out, selfish, mean-spirited parents playing to the cameras, and I see eight children who, while they are certainly not lacking in material possessions, trips, and "experiences,"are missing out dearly on what matters most, and that is a solid, secure home and supportive LOVING parents. Jon and Kate are just phoning it in at this point. Going through the motions is not effective parenting and I really could not care less what they or anybody else has to say in their defense. They have chosen this for themselves, and thrust themselves into the spotlight, so they deserve every word of criticism sent their way.

Yes, parenting is HARD WORK. Most of us do not have the luxury of freebies, trips, and "love offerings." Most of us would not exploit our children for the sake of the almighty dollar.

Submitted by DasMaedchen


Christian_N_Daniel_Mommy said...

Completely agreed.
I am the mother of two very young boys and every day I wake up wondering how on earth I'm going to split my attention between the two of them so that they are both equally happy. It is true that love does not divide, it multiplies but you DO have to split your time and attention as a mother of two or more and it is HARD HARD with even two. So, how does KATE GOSSELIN split her time between EIGHT children successfully while gallivanting around the country with her ducklings in tow? How does she make sure that each child knows that they are loved not for WHAT they are but WHO they are individually? I cannot say that from what I've seen of J&K+8 that ANY of those children are loved in an adequate, emotionally stable, 100% way. If it is hard for me, a mother of two to find ways to divide attention and show love individually then how does Kate Gosselin do it with eight? It's clear as crystal that SHE DOESN'T.
I feel for the Gosselin children. I hate to see children suffer and it is absolutely amazing to me that the media has let this show go on THIS long.
History, if not intentionally avoided, will repeat itself and in this case it has (think Qunitland).

Kate, if you were ANY kind of mother you would stop this show. Just pull the plug and start focusing on the things that matter like your individual children not money or fame or free trips all around the country. Your children will have memories... memories of being dragged here and there and everywhere for the sake of strangers' entertainment but where are their real memories? There will be none if this does not end soon. BE A REAL MOM. You brought these 8 beautiful sweet children into the world now it's YOUR job... it's up to YOU and JON to take care of them, feed them with your own paycheck's earned from a REAL JOB that you go to work at and bust your butt at. It's YOUR job to make sure they are getting the love and attention that they need, not the film crew and not the production staff. YOURS JON AND KATE! ARE YOU LISTENING??

There is nothing greater in life than showing your kids how much you love them and having them show you in return how much you are loved. The pay-off for being a REAL parent is truly better than any pay you're getting for having a show, product placements, endorsements and ads AND it earns more interest.

When will Jon and Kate become real parents? Maybe never which is a tragedy. They have 8 children with whom to share the greatest gift that God gave to mankind and that is sharing a bond (or lots of bonds) between a parent and their child and they are throwing every chance out the window.

If you can't do it for your sake Kate Gosselin. Jon, if it's too much to ask for you guys to give up this freak show and raise your children the way God intended then by all means, continue the show - and watch for your karma - because it's coming Jon & Kate... you better believe it's coming.

Dew said...

I think they love their kids but I think they're selfish and make decisions for money instead of the best interest of the children, or in the false belief that money and things are what's best for the kids. Contrary to what many JK supporters seem to believe, ability to love and ability to parent are mutually exclusive. Most parents love their kids to pieces. So do JK. But some parents are bad parents. JK are bad parents without question. Two different things.

greekmom said...

When watching the reruns of the show from the earlier days, I did see two parents that were on a reality show, but genuinely showed love for the kids. I saw the episode last night where the "little kids" turned 3. Yes, it was over the top, but so much thought was put into the kids' feelings. Kate wasn't as high strung and I remembered that that was the show I came to love watching. I think through time their perspectives changed. They weren't always like that. The kids weren't always defiant. The reality show was working at one point (as best as one could work under those circumstances) but through time I think the greed and popularity got the best of both parents. It is evident through their lost relationships and Jon now devoting full time to their "cause" and leaving his job.

So I guess my point is that they weren't "always" like this, they became this way. I hope they return to their original morales.

Anonymous said...

Christian n Daniel mommy said:

If you can't do it for your sake Kate Gosselin. Jon, if it's too much to ask for you guys to give up this freak show and raise your children the way God intended then by all means, continue the show - and watch for your karma - because it's coming Jon & Kate... you better believe it's coming."

Oh it's coming all right. In 10 years I predict J&Ks 15 minutes will be loooong over and no one will know, care or remember who they are. They will have a houseful of angry, rebellious teenagers and will probably try to write a book about the pitfalls and regrets of raising their kids on a reality TV show. Of course, it will be all TLC/ Figure 8's fault for taking advantage of them and duping them into filming 40 episodes a year. I wish the G kids the very best- Lord knows they deserve it. However, they are being raised in such a non-sensical, dysfunctional manner, I don't know how they will all make it to young adulthood without major issues.

A Mom-ynous said...

No Child labor law can ever be legislated to change how someone parents.

No child labor law will prevent this show from being on the air.

I cannot find labor hours--but did find an article on film labor laws for kids in British Columbia and kids under 12 can work an 8 hour day.

So even if Reality tv falls under the realm of coverage for kids...it will not ever prevent this show from being on the air.

If folks quit watching it, that just might.

one more blogger said...

I agree with this post a lot and also relate. For I am a young mother of one baby girl and I'm doing it all on my own. Between breastfeeding, entertaining her, working, cleaning, and showing her all the love that I can, I sometimes don't know how I am going to make it through the day at times. But I push on because I chose to have her and I love her more then anything on this green earth. As a parent you do everything and anything to protect your child and prove to them that you love them. And nothing is more vital and important then love and attention. In a way, it's more important then food and shelter sometimes! As crazy at that sounds..

Now I honestly believe, as much as Kate is awful now, that she wasn't always like this. Nor did she intend to be. Just today I saw the show where they talk about how they got where they are and showed a lot of home footage from the past. What I saw shocked me, cause it was like a completely different Kate. When you see her with the twins as babies you can HEAR IT in her freaking voice how loving she was to them. Both her and Jon truly were in love with those two babies. No one can deny that. She even slips and mentions that those times were the best memories of their entire life!!
You also witness this again during the footage of the tups directly after they were born in the hospital. You can hear it in her tone of voice as she coos and ah's at them. She was happy and loved those kids.
But sadly, the fame and the hunger for more and more "crap" is what ruined her. She became addicted to the freebies and the special treatment, and she started to put that before her children. Plain and simple. I think that the people she has surrounded herself with..(the people who are also making money off the family just as much as she is) have been a kind of evil influence on her. They have put it in her mind that it is ok to do what she is doing, simply because they want her to never stop. It's a shame, cause I think without this horrible show Kate and this family's lives would be 100% completely different!

ThreeFarmers said...

The more I read posts from other mothers on this board, the more I see that J&K manage their brood more than parent them. I can't imagine Jon or Kate worrying about giving their children equal attention and love when I see the very obvious favoring of the girls, Hannah in particular.

Anonymous said...

"They have chosen this for themselves, and thrust themselves into the spotlight, so they deserve every word of criticism sent their way"

Good post. The above phrase really hit me. They seem to be so offended by criticism but if it bothers them they should leave the public eye. They can't have ther cake and eat it to. The critism is unfortunate as the kids will read it one day, but there is nothing they can do to stop it except stop the show. Apprantly they don't want to do that. Lets hope the kids are ok in the long run.

Anonymous said...

You do have to remember that those laws about child labor and acting were put into place to secure those children who are ACTING. Acting means getting up early, being driven every day to a studio, having makeup and wardrobe, and memorizing lines.

Acting (and working) is not having your mother and father dress you and bathe you and take you to school. Acting is not what the children do on this show- maybe J and K do in some instances, but not the kids, you can tell.

That's why those labor laws don't apply to the Gosselin children.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with your post. I do not understand why Jon and Kate feel so entitled just because of her choice to use fertilty treatments. I am a mom of 4 children, who don't wear clothes from the Gap, and sometimes they have a stain or two on their clothing, and yes my son sometimes has "icky" fingernails, but I would never say that to him make him feel bad like she does when she says "boys are just gross" who says that? The difference between myself and Kate is I don't care if they get something on thier shirt if they are painting or coloring, or god forbid if I could afford to take them all the way to the Crayola Factory, I would let them use every marker the place had because I love my children very much and take great pleasure in watching them have fun. Kate on the other hand is not worried about them having fun, she is only worried that god forbid they get a stain on some of the free clothes she got from the Gap. I guess my point is I wish both Jon and Kate would take a "step back" and watch some of these episodes, or maybe even read this blog, and realize what they are doing to these precious children, they are ruining their childhoods, and will pay dearly for it later in life. Instead of treating them like their money ticket I would love to see just ONCE either of them take the time out of their busy days to just give their children a big hug, and tell them that they love them, which I make sure to do on a daily basis with my own children. I have never seen them do this ever and to me that is very sad.

Anonymous said...

Acting means getting up early, being driven every day to a studio, having makeup and wardrobe, and memorizing lines.


- they don't need to be driven to the studio, they live in one- have you not seen the industrial studio lighting on the ceiling ? the majority of the filming (when they are not on a "family" field trip) is in their home

- they most certainly do have "wardrobe" - every matchy-matchy outfit you see on the kids is wardrobe supplied for free by various sponsors

- Kate and Jon both had hair /makeup sessions during the GH photo shoot. I wouldn't be surprised if the kids did too

- memorizing lines :" on THIS episode of Jon and Kate plus 8"

Dew said...

"Acting means getting up early, being driven every day to a studio, having makeup and wardrobe, and memorizing lines. Acting (and working) is not having your mother and father dress you and bathe you and take you to school. Acting is not what the children do on this show"

I couldn't disagree more. The children may not be acting in a traditional sense, but make no mistake they ARE working. They are not just being shuttled to school and bathed and dressed. They are dragged across country and even around their own town and state to various regimented activities. They are filmed for what appears to be eight, ten, twelve hours at a time. When they want to go home, they can't. When they are tired of cameras and bright lights and lots of crew around and want it to stop, it doesn't. They can't even retreat to their own home because their home IS a movie set. When it's a filming day Mady and Cara can't just accept a call from a friend and go over to their house, or have a friend over. No, they have to do the required activity because it's Jon and Kate Plus EIGHT. The photoshoot for Good Housekeeping was work in every sense of the word. Dressing up, waiting around, posing and posing to try to get a good picture, hauling everyone over to a studio. It was no different than any other modeling shoot with children and it's WORK.

We hear this argument a lot, "oh but they're just living their lives it's not WORK!" But a newborn baby on a movie set can only work limited hours and must be paid. That newborn baby is just sitting their living her life. Is she not working? The law has recognized that ANY child on a set, no matter how young and no matter what they are or are not doing, is working. Even if you have no lines and are just being yourself, nonetheless the stress of many people, lights, cameras, regimented activity, is work for even the youngest of children that they deserve to be compensated for. And if you think a newborn baby should not be paid, at what point does it cross the line and they become old enough to be paid? The law has said that line is too fine to draw, and that even a 10 day old baby MUST BE PAID.

In fact, I think in many ways the Gosselin children are working even harder than a traditional child actor. A child actor can go home at night and relax and have privacy. The Gosselin children have no place to retreat to as their entire house has been converted into a set. Every waking and even sleeping moment they are subject to a kind of frightening Truman Show situation. They are working, this is HARD work, and they deserve every dime of what they are rightly owed.

lifeoriley said...

Re: Anon. 6:10 am--
Child labor laws were put into effect to protect children who are working-- and the Gosselin children are, IMO, working.
Not all small children in the entertainment business have to memorize lines, yet they are still considered working. Many babies and small children are on set without having any written dialogue at all. Even the Olsen twins did not necessarily memorize lines when they were little--someone off camera sometimes said the line to the kids, which they would repeat until it was right.
The Gosselin children do not have to be driven to the studio--their home IS the studio. However, they do have to get up early for "location" shoots often and for public appearances (GMA, recently). Also their "reality" show has become, in effect, a commercial for the clothing and products they use, and for the places they visit.
Should babies and young children in commercials not be paid or covered by child labor laws if they have no lines to recite? What about child models? After all they're just standing there in the company's clothing having their picture taken--kinda like the Gosselin kids.
The idea that the Gosselin children are not working is the loophole through which these kids (and others in the same situation) are being exploited.

Anonymous said...

They certainly are working.
You can tell that they rehearse the lines "Next on Jon and Kate, etc..etc.." and they have all had their turn reciting this and other things to the camera.
Also, my little granddaughter models and although I think she looks just fine; she has a make up artist make a few little changes, such as makeup under the eyes, to avoid any "shadows" under the lights. Make no mistake about it. Someone is on the set working on everyone before they are filmed. Yes, I realize that once in awhile they show Jon getting someone to wake up and get out of bed. But before the filming, they are touched up. You can see the change in Kate. I don't think that she all of a sudden awoke to the fact that make up exists. It started with a makeover of her hair and make up, which she continues with now. Yes, I also like hair color and make up...I am not saying she shouldn't use it. I am just saying that it goes hand in hand with being filmed. It certainly does. On TV, bald heads get powdered to avoid the shine and everyone gets touched up because of the harsh lights. That's TV.
I'm so glad that school will provide the kids a safe, normal haven for 9 months out of the year.

momforkids said...

Did anyone notice on GMA how Kate, who hates germs, put the raw meat in pans, then made sandwiches, with her dirty hands, (ECOLI bacteria) and then people ate those sandwiches?

momforkids said...

We need to contact Nancy Grace for sure. She is a child's advocate and will look into this.

Anonymous said...

And did you notice that the tups, almost 5 now (?), when Jon had them alone were still getting bibs placed around their necks at meal time? I noticed, I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, but the sippy cups have been replaced with covered cups with straws.

Anonymous said...

Anon posted:
God forbid if I could afford to take them all the way to the Crayola Factory, I would let them use every marker the place had because I love my children very much and take great pleasure in watching them have fun.

Anon...you hit the nail on the head! THAT is what separates Kate from the rest of us!

Anonymous said...

momforkids said...

We need to contact Nancy Grace for sure. She is a child's advocate and will look into this.

I think Nancy will be preoccupied with the Caylee Anthony story for some time to come. A mother who murders her child probably trumps one who makes hers unwilling TV stars to get rich.

SmartyQ said...

10/16/2008 2:45 PM Dew said...
I think they love their kids . . .
I would respectfully amend your statement to include 'as much as they are able to love anyone, which, unfortunately, isn't very much.'

Kon are living examples of Shakespeare's 'All the world's a stage . . . ' From the time they started videotaping each other (but mainly Katie Irene), I've had no other feeling than that I was watching a Harlequin romance translated to the small screen. When I watched Katie getting her engagement ring and acting so surprised, I thought, 'No way she would have let Jon pick out a ring without her considerable input.' My second thought was, 'Who paid for it?' The delicate sniffling during Kon's wedding ceremony—how many brides remember to bring a handkerchief to the alter carefully tucked in their bracelets? Jon's placing both hands on Katie's face and their playing tonsil hockey to the point of being uncomfortable to watch for their first married kiss. What is this except two persons who have watched a lot of bad chick flicks? Okay, probably only one person.

I think Kon's entire life (and I use the singular because there is no life in the Gosselin family beyond the movie running in Katie's head) could be called 'Dumb and Dumber.' Unfortunately, the subtitle would have to be 'A Child is Waiting.' Eight of them, in fact.

funkycatt said...

Parenting is SUPPOSED to be hard work. You're no longer the babysitter, the big sister or the neighbor lady. You're the parent, the one who is in charge of making sure your children grow up to be good grownups and aren't too much of a holy terror along the way.

I think Jon and Kate forget this. As a lot of American parents do as well. Suddenly, parenting is supposed to be convienent, easy and perdictable. And when it isn't parents expect someone else to fix it for them.

There's no denying that J and K had a hard pregnancy, babyhood, and toddlerhood of their children. But just because they have so many doesn't mean they are worse off than any other parent.

But not only is parenting supposed to be hard, its supposed to be joyful and fun! I had kids because I really wanted them. For a while, when I was pregnant and my less than 1 year old baby was into every thing, I was exhuasted and annoyed. It really takes an attitude chage to enjoy your kids. J and K need to remember that they really wanted children, and that parenting them, though hard, can be FUN and rewarding. Because otherwise, really, what's the point?

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad that school will provide the kids a safe, normal haven for 9 months out of the year.
Unfortunately, this safe haven is often interrupted so the kids can make memories. The GMA appearance had the kids missing at least a day or 2 of school..........

Anonymous said...

I could not agree more with you. PROTECTION is the issue here. We are supposed to protect our children and love them unconditionally. You are one smart mother at a young age. Kate still has a lot to learn. I would never even expose my child to being judged for something as stupid as a GAP model contest (you mentioned GAP, and I thought of that). My children are perfect in my eyes and that's all that matters. Others will judge them enough when they are older. Now, while they are so young and innocent, it's my job to protect them from the judgement of others and to cultivate their confidence and feelings of security. Instead, Kate and Jon are opening up their kids to the world every day in every facet of their lives. Where is her sense of protecting her kids? That is totally the key idea for me. I don't get them.