"Mr. Mom" Recap

Submitted by ThreeFarmers

The Gosselins throw a monkey munch wrench into their strict ideas of hot, organic, whole wheat gender rolls when Kate leaves for “work” and Jon is left alone with the children for three days. What sort of madcap mayhem will ensue? We’ll find out on this episode of Jon & Kate + 8. (continued)

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

In order to promote Kate’s image as a super-duper-pooper-scooper mother and homemaker, we first have to buy into the myth that Jon is unable to care for his children. For this one we will all have to sit next to a giant magnet so that we can erase our memories of all previous episodes of J&K+8 where we’ve seen Jon care for his children in a quite capable, if not sometimes impatient, manner. You see, that’s what all of this is about. The more often the show positions Jon as the ne’er-do-well and Kate as the Grand High Priestess of all that is domestic, the easier it will be to sell Kate and her stunning vocabulary -- filled with words so good not even Merriam-Webster is willing to admit they exist -- to companies looking for qualified and credible spokespeople to represent their products.

That’s right. The show isn’t as much about the viewers anymore as it is about attracting future deals with companies looking to shill their wares to parents and homemakers on a global scale. That’s where the big money is and that’s exactly where J&K want to be. Apparently, it begins with brown paper bags, K Mart layaway, and the lamest damn recipes and money-saving tips this side of the sun. I assume that avoiding Toys-R-Us is an integral part of this business plan that has been fashioned to guarantee future cash flow beyond the day when their children refuse to speak to them, let alone appear on any television show.

Jon’s biggest fear is running out of things for the children to do while Kate’s biggest fear is having to do anything with her children that doesn’t involve free tickets or a white plastic chair in the driveway. Day one, it rains. Collin dresses up as a monster and is instructed to attack the other children. I guess Jon figures the kids won’t miss Kate so much if one of them is given the “OK” to act like her. Then they segue from that into building a fort out of blankets, which, quite honestly, is always fun..

During a quick stop at the couch, we learn that Kate is better at cooking, while Jon is better at doing things with the kids (i.e. parenting). While Jon and Kate are both on the couch, Jon can’t get out a full sentence without being interrupted by Kate. This isn’t an exaggeration. Jon cannot speak while Kate is there because she interrupts constantly.

The lunch is so dull, it’s not worth mentioning. All I’ll say is that the only food on those plates that wasn’t white was the peanut butter on the white crackers. Have we ever seen these kids get a hot lunch? Soup? Grilled cheese? Chicken nuggets? Anything warmed above room temperature?

Nap time is notable in that we discover that Alexis has been allowed back into the room she shares with Leah and Hannah. They also have one of the girls sleeping on the top bunk. It doesn’t seem as if the boys are using their top bunk yet, but we all know how advanced the girls are so it’s only a matter of time before the boys catch up.

Alexis takes a turn too quickly and catches a corner near her eye resulting in bloodshed. Jon didn’t call and ask Kate’s opinion because he didn’t want to hear it, but uses the excuse that he couldn’t call. Jon says that Alexis was the only bleeder during Kate’s absence while Kate insists they have a bleeder everyday on her watch. It seems children bleed less when they get better supervision. Kate goes on to say that she thought about them constantly while she was gone and she was worried that they might be missing her too much. Sigh. Kate, it’s not about you. You should be worried about how your constant insistence that the children be in the public eye is affecting them emotionally.

It’s dinnertime and the kiddies who eat their supper get ice cream for dessert. Hannah has a snit, but eventually cooperates because we see all the kids with ice cream. These kids are nearly four and a half years old. The bibs look ridiculous. After dinner, Jon and the kids head outdoors.

For once, we see everyone frolicking in the back yard and the kids really look to be having fun playing with their father. It was fun to watch if your are able to push the blatant use of the Gosselin children for commercial profit to the back of your mind.

It’s bath time! Thank the good Lord in heaven that Jon shut the bathroom door from the camera’s prying eye. Too bad that there are already plenty of images of the children in various stages of nudity out there for the world to see. Time for bed and Jon is tired.

Day two and Jon has to get the twins on the bus but Kate decides to phone as Jon is getting Cara and Mady out the door. Her call is frustrating because she knows that it’s the most trying time of the morning. That’s because it’s all about Kate, Jon.

Jon does a video project with the tups. The kids all tell the camera how much they miss and love Kate. Kate is moved by the gesture because it is a rare treat for her to see her children on video tape.

We are informed that the tups are in preschool and today is a school day. There is a system in place in their classroom for monitoring behavior. Green is a good day. Yellow is for days that there has been a problem, and red is for bad days. Kate tells us that she rewards the children who stay on green, but also admits that some of the kids have had their share of “red” days. Why do I get the impression that if the same system was in place in the Gosselin house, Kate would have many “red” days.

Jon gets the kids dressed for school and we get to see one of the boys sprint through the house in is red underpants. Sigh. For every step forward, there are two steps backward, I guess. We hear from Jon that he was on time and didn’t have to speed. Jon confesses that he often “flies” with the children in the car. I guess it’s worth breaking the law and risking the children’s lives to get back to the business of being unemployed.

They return from school and Jon is happy to report that, for the first time, all the kids had a green dots at school. Congratulations. Seriously, good for them.

In remembrance of September 11th, Jon and the kids put flags out in honor of the lives that were lost on that awful day. J&K say that they want the families who lost love ones to know that the Gosselins remember and honor the victims. Obvious photo op notwithstanding, this is perhaps the only time in the entire run of this series that J&K recognize anyone but themselves. Too bad no one is allowed to drive by or look at their house long enough to see those flags in the yard. Dang it.

Jon has all the kids make journals for Kate’s homecoming. All I have to say is either Jon or the twins has excellent printing skills, because the writing on the covers of those journals was perfect, or Jon had more help floating around than either he or Kate is willing to admit. Kate then says “no wonder we don’t have people knocking down the door to help us.” I’ll pause while every volunteer who has ever set foot in their door collectively rolls their eyes. I’ll also point out that, according to certain yard displays, the only people allowed to knock on your door are those with truck loads of free stuff.

Back to the couch to talk about how one person caring for all 8 kids is like getting pecked to death by a duck. If that is the case, I would assume that being married to Kate is like being pecked to death by a python. Kate says she could tell that Jon was a grouch. Kate tries to get Jon to admit how much she does for him, but he’ll only go as far to say that she does as much work as he does.

All the image adjusting in the world will never help as long as J&K continue to put their feet in their mouths. You had volunteers. Lots of volunteers. Don’t say that you’ve never had help. Jon, at the very least, does as much work around the house as you do Kate, we all see it, so stop implying otherwise. Stop touting Kate’s cooking skills. We’ve seen her recipes and she brings nothing new or even the least bit interesting to the table -- literally.

Aduladi' said...

"I’ll pause while every volunteer who has ever set foot in their door collectively rolls their eyes."

You had me cracking up while I was rolling my eyes! Bravo! That is what many of us are doing now.

Paige said...

OH MY GOSH..I find this absolutely hilarious....you are too funny and whitty with your writings, Three Farmers..keep em' coming..thanks for my amusement of the day!!

AireZoe said...

You always call 'em as I see 'em, 3F. Nice job!

Anonymous said...

Jon says that Alexis was the only bleeder during Kate’s absence while Kate insists they have a bleeder everyday on her watch. It seems children bleed less when they get better supervision.

You crack me up!

Anonymous said...

Three Farmers you have made my day! I needed a good laugh. Loved, Loved, Loved the being married to Kate is like being pecked to death by a python! Your too funny.

Anonymous said...

Jon confesses that he often “flies” with the children in the car.
I think he was being sarcastic.

Also, is it a coincidence that the day that Kate was gone was the day all the kids got a green dot? Maybe they were more relaxed with her not around?

Anonymous said...

I recently saw a segment of "Say Yes to the Dress" and there was Kate buying a wedding dress for their trip to Maui (which was immortalized in People magazine.)

She apparently wanted a sample dress that she could take with her and had decided on one dress that would need some changes (the manager was shown on the phone with the designer) - and then tried on another dress that she "loved" - the manager was having a cow over that. She ultimately took the previous dress, and a comment was made by the manager that "Kate has been here before." From that I took that she got her first wedding dress there as well.

When I look at that show, I am appalled at the cost of the dresses - they didn't tell us how much Kate's dress was or if they did, I missed it. I know I'm showing my age when I say I'm appalled at the cost, but I dare say many, many brides do not have this kind of money. Who do you think paid for this one?

Christian_N_Daniel_Mommy said...

Jon says that Alexis was the only bleeder during Kate’s absence while Kate insists they have a bleeder everyday on her watch.
___________________________________

Probably running away from Mommy Dearest I presume.

It was obvious to me BEFORE this episode that Jon handled MOST of the childcare. The way the network was trying to put this episode across sounded like Jon does nothing in the way of childcare and did not know how to take care of his own children which we already knew was not true.

ThreeFarmers said...

Thanks you guys for your good words and for taking the time to read the thing. I know this one was a little too long.

Moons in Leo said...

Three Farmers, you should be getting paid for your spot on recaps.

Keep up the good work. I don't watch the show any more. I won't even be tempted if you can continue with the updates.

trinityella said...

I look forward to your recaps every week! You crack me up! Your not only right on the money with all this nonsense, but so freaking hilarious! I love it! Keep em coming!! =)

Baffled said...

I think Jon's idea of "fun" by having the kids fight each other while he eggs them on is sick.

I think the kids looked horrified.

Thalia Menninger said...

"Day two and Jon has to get the twins on the bus but Kate decides to phone as Jon is getting Cara and Mady out the door. Her call is frustrating because she knows that it’s the most trying time of the morning. That’s because it’s all about Kate, Jon."

And I thought that I was the only person who noticed that. Was that not the most self-serving, passive-aggressive stunt you have ever seen? Was she trying to be funny? Seriously. I'd like to know.

Anonymous said...

hilarious...or should I say hilariousilyous

Anonymous said...

The current attempt to fawn over each other and express gratitude for the other's contribution is obviously fake given the usual way Kate treats Jon. But, even if I had just tuned into the show, it would still appear fake and affected. It's interesting how Kate can only muster it for a few seconds before she reverts back to herself and cuts John off, and then compliments herself.

Anonymous said...

Not to sound like a broken record, but 3F, you are brilliant.

I read your posts like a juicy novel - I don't want them to end!

Your comments and my tabloid mag (as long as it doesn't feature KON) are two things I look forward to each week =)

Jennifer's post (How Do You Sleep) made me so sad and your post made me laugh out loud.

K.C. said...

Yay 3F! Thank you for another masterpiece! Your recaps make it so easy for me to skip the show. I've been Gosselin free for 30 days as of last Monday. I feel like I'm in recovery--Where's my 30 day chip? :)

Anonymous said...

Your show recaps are brilliant, thank you for them! I stopped watching the show a couple months ago as I can't stand to look or hear Kate and her dim witted husband. When I tuned in last week, to see if I was missing anything, I found out that I wasn't and tuned right back out.

Anonymous said...

I certainly hope that Kate has the skills, talent and energy level required to sustain a job in the media over the long haul. In my book, nothing would be better than having Kate work hard for the fame, attention, bling and $$$$ that she appears to crave. Jon could be the sahp and he and the kids could be free from the Kate, The Master Puppeteer. Furthermore, the kids could get back to being kids,a novel concept. Please, please, please let this happen, soon.

Anonymous said...

In reference to Jon:
"I guess it’s worth breaking the law and risking the children’s lives to get back to the business of being unemployed."

Now this is funny. Of course, the whole piece was hilarious yet I admit you hit the nail with this one!!!

Christine said...

Honestly I look forward to your recaps. You are too too funny. I wish you could do a recap of EVERYTHING Jon and Kate. You make this blog even more enjoyable - thank you!

Anonymous said...

Those kids missed Kate like i'd
miss having a rock in my shoe.

Anonymous said...

Bravo, 3Farmers! I stopped watching the show months ago, but always look forward to your recaps. Keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this recap. Nothing short of an episode on Kate leaving for good would intice me to watch the show again, but I do look forward to reading your recaps as I can picture the scenes exactly as you relate them.

Right on that the kids got green because they were more relaxed. No kidding. Wouldn't we all be more relaxed without Kate?

I could not have watched the fake appreciation and self-congratulatory couch session no matter what this week. I have always had a weak stomach.

Anonymous said...

Kate is moved by the gesture because it is a rare treat for her to see her children on video tape.


Snerk. Good one! Great recap as usual.

Lonnyswife said...

TLC is truly missing the Ka-Ching boat.
What they shuold do is run an epi of J&K+8 immediatelyfollowed by the same epi with voice-over narration of a 3F recap..........Mystery Science Theater 3000 anyone??
They could switch to being a PPV channel and I would P to V.
Thanks 3 for the chuckle and the need to change my wet pants!!!

Kikilia said...

"The bibs look ridiculous"

I also think having 4 1/2 year olds "nap" for over 2 hours is pushing things.

An hour of "rest" time maybe- but no more than that.

Skraps said...

3F - you didn't cover Jon's comments re: why Kate was gone - he said she was out of town for business, in NYC doing a job, out of town working - all in the same breath! Love your recaps.

Lonnyswife said...

TLC is truly missing the Ka-Ching boat.
What they shuold do is run an epi of J&K+8 immediatelyfollowed by the same epi with voice-over narration of a 3F recap..........Mystery Science Theater 3000 anyone??
They could switch to being a PPV channel and I would P to V.
Thanks 3 for the chuckle and the need to change my wet pants!!!


I'm with you on that one - that would be hysterical!!

Anonymous said...

New Headlines to be coming up:

On the NEXT episode of Kate + 8, we explain why Jon is no longer on the show. He should have known if you show up Kate on being a good parent, you lose your TV rights. Tune in Monday at 8:30 p.m. to see Jon and Aunt Jodie rehashing good times before they were booted off the show!
NEXT:
On the NEXT episode of Kate + 6, we explain why the twins are no longer on the show! They should have known if you grow up and are cuter and nicer than Kate, or stand up for yourself, you are axed! Tune in to see Mady and Cara discuss old fun times with Jon and Aunt Jodie. A reunion with the maternal grandparents might be a highlight also!
NEXT:
On the NEXT episode of Kate + 3, we explain why the boys are no longer on the show. The boys have always known they weren't the favorites, but they never dreamed they would be cut. Reunion highlights of them joyfully playing with their Dad, Aunt Jodie and their twin sisters will be enjoyed by all!
NEXT:
On the NEXT episode of Kate + 0, you will see Kate in her quiet, peaceful house with NOBODY breathing. Ahhh..the sound of silence she so craves. You will watch her walk from Bible quote to Bible quote dusting them off and smiling. She will be eating monkey munch alone and will vacuum as soon as she's finished. Ahh.. such a nice organized quiet life in the 8,000 sq. foot TV home. Highlights will be Jon, Aunt Jody, and the eight beautiful stress free kids playing with all their new neighbors in their mis-matched walmart outfits! A happy ending is indeed coming! Monday at 8:30, tune in!

Anonymous said...

Anon 10:23: Hysterical. I will watch each and every one of those shows. Can just picture Katie Irene at the end sort of like whatever happened to baby jane, right, going from picture to picture with a feather duster in her hand, growing old and gray haired with that same hideous haircut and greasy legs. OMG, I really laughed at your post. Way to go!

Allison said...

brilliant recap! i look forward to reading this every week!

Anonymous said...

You're spot-on with everything except Jon's comment about speeding in the car. Kate said something about him speeding with her precious cargo, and he responded with a sarcastic "I fly."

I love the recaps, but it gets tiring when you take everything little thing they say literally. Sometimes they're just being sarcastic.

win-place-show said...

Are they STILL putting the younger ones down for a nap? At four? Good gosh they sleep till 8am and one time Kate demanded Jon put them to bed at 6:15....remember that episode? I think this episode proved that Jon is a more patient and fun parent. Kate should go away more often.

Anonymous said...

I love your recaps 3Farmers! They are so funny, thank you for taking the time to do this! I can't wait for your recap of tonight's baseball episode!

Anonymous said...

three farmers you make me belly laugh - you are so truly talented, imagine what you could do if people like KON make millions who have zero talent,zero personality, zero work ethic and zero creativity....the comedy in their show is watching these morons justify their parenting skills, their very existence on planet earth and love offering solicitations....you are the ones who should without question have the book deal, please consider it, IMHO, it will be a best seller!! "Reality TV: Never Underestimate what the public is willing to take" I do not watch the show for obvious reasons and who needs to with your recaps - they are priceless something KON knows nothing about - everything is their world has a price - keep it up - hopefully people will REALLY stop watching and thanks