Missing Persons!

"We have enough people in our family now for a whole wedding party."

Indeed the Gosselin family may have to play host to it’s own wedding -- and be its guests as well. Time after time, we’ve seen folks join the show as “helpers,” only to be discarded after a few months. Even in not-for-profit industries, the average lifespan of a volunteer is 18 months! Yet, the best the Gosselins seem to be able to come up with are some island folks who haven’t had the misfortune to incur the Wrath of Mommy Dearest.

Below is a body count of folks who have accidently given Kate a wire hanger!


Kate's Parents (Charlene and Kenton Kreider)
Location: PA
Missing Since: Before the show started
Status: Banned due to an outpouring of mismatched clothing and second hand furniture; inability to "know how to help."


Uncle Kevin (Kate's brother)
Location: PA
Missing since: Emptying potties and taking care of 12 (TWELVE) sick children!
Status: Banned because the sick children weren’t placed on the laundry room floor


Aunt Jodi
Location: PA
Missing since: Hairplugs episode
Status: Skidded on the outs during Gumgate


Ashtyn, Braeden, Alyssa and Baby Benny (Kevin and Jodi’s kids)
Location: PA
Missing since: Hairplugs episode
Status: Casualty of Gumgate


Clairissa (Kate's sister), Robert and Reagan
Location: PA
Missing since: Clarissa seemingly out of contact. G’kids don’t seem to have contact with C’ son. Forced to choose between Gosselins or parents
Status: Waiting for God to give a sign


Jeff and Kendra (Kate's sister), Dale and Christen (Kate's sister), Mark and Tom (Jon's brothers), Pamela and Albert (Jon's mother and stepfather)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Unknown
Status: Unknown


Kate’s brother-in-law (Jeff)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Painting the Pepto Bismol bedroom
Status: Last seen stepping into a Hazmat shower. Never came back out.


Bob, Beth (BFF), Kayla, Brittany, Bryce, Taliah Carson
Location: PA
Missing since: 2007 after Bob gave Jon a “job” and Beth wrote the book
Status: Banned after Utah trip and after the book went to press


Carla & kids
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Carla seen on rare occasions -- perhaps she’s kept busy with a can of bathroom cleaner at night. Or perhaps she’s picking up stray bits of rose bushes that have been chopped haphazardly by huge garden shears. Children missing since twin’s bedroom episode
Status: On hiatus


Susan (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Jon’s 30th birthday trip to FL Keys
Status: Mentioned rarely


Nana Janet (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Oprah trip
Status: Last seen folding

Nana Joan (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: July 4th Parade
Status: Suspected of hijacking Kate’s hotdog and is on the lam!


Helper Beverly (ironer)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: Laundry day became Jon and Kate, the kids and the crew
Status: Stuck in the spin cycle


Old Church
Location: PA
Missing since: Quality donations/helpers declined
Status: Abandoned


Church Speaking Engagements
Location: Nationwide
Missing since: More money requested
Status: Thrown a bone now and then


(Note: Tito has been removed, due to misunderstandings. There is a joke that apparently not everyone has read, that was posted and went back to Tito Jackson and other "missing" TV characters. It in no way was this intended to relate at all to the seventh egg sac/fetus that failed to develop. No such meaning would ever be intended here and we are sorry that anyone was offended.)

65 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dont' forget J's brother who is the womens soccer coach at Mount Saint Mary's College in Maryland.

Anonymous said...

Omgosh that was so funny. I loved the "on the lam" comment. I about spit out my organic milk.

grandee4 said...

Love it! So true, yet so sad (for the kids).
Who is Tito?

momforthekids said...

Toooo funny! You should write a book!

tripletsmom said...

I laughed so hard that now I have to change my pants! How true, but sad. So very sad for the kids. I wonder which one of the Gosselin children, will be the first to write a book when they grow up.

Anonymous said...

Anon 5:40 - Tom is Jon's brother who is the soccer coach.

grandee4 and quinn - Tito was the creation of a poster on the old FORT JK thread and was supposed to be the missing sibling of the tups.

momof5 said...

OMG~this was funny! Funny and sad at the same time to look at all the names of people who have 'disappeared' from the kids' lives!

Lonnyswife said...

Funny post!!!

Anonymous said...

What about the guy and his big family at the buffet? Jon called him his mentor!

michelle said...

You are right, he was in the very first hour show and had multiples of his own. Jon did say that this man was his friend, I thought, and a mentor. I wondered the same thing.

These people did all drop like flies. I bet the tups did not have another huge birthday party that they did on a previous show, when Beth made those signs, because they may have no one left to invite.

It is sad.

iluveeyore said...

I think Pamela and Albert should be included under "parents."

Yes... the brother-in-law who painted the Pepto Bismol bedroom is Jeff, Kendra's husband.

IIRC, sister Clairissa was made to choose between the Gosselins and her parents.

ThreePumpkins said...

This was funny. Good job!

michelle said...

No one should make you choose between them or the parents.
If this is absolutely true then shame on Jon and Kate Gosselin.

Martina said...

LOL.

That was so funny..and at the same time so very sad for all the children involved.

michelle said...

I just had a thought. All these people could still be a part of Jon and Kate and the children's life. Maybe they are just now choosing to not be on camera, for whatever reason.

That is a possibility??

Anonymous said...

What about the guy and his big family at the buffet? Jon called him his mentor!

---------------

Not quite positive about the first name, but I think that was Jeff Brown, who had a set of quintuplets to deal with.

I figure he's not in the picture anymore because J/K's move back then took him out of their sphere of influence. Either that, or J/K disassociated themselves from him because, as a father of quintuplets, he can't possibly be of any assistance to those with sextuplets.

Ashley said...

Ha! That was very funny, great morning pick me up! Although I am a little confused as to who Tito is.....maybe I missed something (which wouldnt surprise me, I spend half the show wanting to puke and the other half wanting the shake Kates nasty hair do right off her head!) Anyways its very true, and what about Jons mom, sadly I couldnt restrain myself and I read the book, apparently she was a help when Kate was pregnant...hmmm I guess she has also been banned. I feel sorry for the children though, they have no family that can stand to talk to Kate and as a result the children are really missing out on some great stuff.

Anonymous said...

Who is Susan?

Paula S said...

What about Jon's mother? Isn't she supposed to live far away? Although, I'm not sure what could be too far away when Jon and Kate have absolutely no problem traveling hither, thither and yon for all free trips.

Anonymous said...

How about Vic and Diana? Weren't they the friends that provided to Kon the "estate" they originally got married? No one has ever heard from them.

Anonymous said...

"Friends are like tissues, quickly used up and discarded."

Kon

dancingqueen said...

Tito is a reference to the forgotten Jackson (of the Jackson 5)-- Tito Jackson. I am sure the author meant this in jest in response to a post about Tito Gosselin made a long time ago on one of the boards.

Ashley said...

Ok I know I already posted here but...

Im honestly not a KON supporter but maybe its not Kate alienating everyone, perhaps nobody will talk to her. Im mean really if my family member acted the way she seems to act, as hard as it would be I wouldnt want to be around her. She seems to be depressing.

Anyways it was just a thought...

Anonymous said...

What about Kate's good friend Jamie???

lifeoriley said...

What about "Gammy Gosselin" , Jon's grandmother? Her last name wouldn't be Gosselin, of course, but we haven't seen or heard about her since the 'tups third birthday party. She's elderly, so maybe she can't travel much or doesn't want to be filmed?
It's just sad if all these friends and family members are truly cut from the G's lives.

Anonymous said...

Im honestly not a KON supporter but maybe its not Kate alienating everyone, perhaps nobody will talk to her. Im mean really if my family member acted the way she seems to act, as hard as it would be I wouldnt want to be around her. She seems to be depressing.
-----------------------------

If nobody wants to be around Kate because of her behavior, that in itself IS alientation.

Ashley said...

Anon 10:43,
Your right it is also alienation, BUT how can you blame them, Kate is horrible. She treats Jon like garbage and exploits her children. I dont know many people that would be able to put up with Kate, I know I wouldnt be able to...Kate has always been this way, if you saw the episode of her and Jons family videos, what kind of woman tapes herself spinning in circles.

And it was only a theory, nobody really knows what happens behind closed doors.

ThreeFarmers said...

Here's a quote I found today from
Kirsten Dunst:

"Being famous can be isolating. I was 11 when I started acting, and I've always been surrounded by adults and people I'm trying to please. It can make you feel very lonely. You're constantly wondering if people are using you."

Just think, the Gosselin kids won't have to wonder if they are being used. They'll be certain of it and they'll know that the people to blame are their own parents. Now there's a MEMORY for ya!

margojata said...

Very funny, but sad at the same time. Where have all these wonderful friends and family members gone. I think it's terrible that KON has kicked them to the curb. They'll be sorry...money isn't everything. (Neither are free tummy tucks and hair plugs).

Anonymous said...

can i just say something that has been bugging me.

WHY IS IT THAT KATE CAN PRONOUNCE JON CORRECTLY BUT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THE WORD ON. it is not auwn.

the end.

Anonymous said...

ashley-

I wasn't disagreeing with you at all. Aside from the exploitation thing, Kate just doesn't seem like a nice person with a good soul. And, she is maybe a lot worse now, but you could definitely see that she was needy and demanding even on those old home videos.

Yes, there is a lot of speculation about her behavior, but she is terrible when the cameras are on her, I can't imagine how bad she is when the cameras are off, IMO.

ashley said...

Ha Anon 2:02, I never noticed that before! But you can bet I will be looking for it in tonights episode. Yes I know its practically a sin to watch and its extremely painful (completely self-inflicted on my part :P) but I am a sucker and I will most likely watch...

iluveeyore said...

I have also made a few changes on the post to explain who some people are.

Rachel said...

I agree 100% with ashley, I think people are alienating Kate, not the other way around. My family had someone like Kate (obvisouly they werent on TV or anything :P) and eventually she just became too much and as difficult as it was to stop seeing her (and her adorable kids and kind husband) it just wasnt good for us. She made us depressed, angry, disappointed and ashamed. She just wasnt healthy to be with and I think Kates family probably feels the same way.

ashley said...

Moderators, I dont expect this comment to be posted, I just want you guys to know that I appreciate you trying to keep the blog clean of profanity and such. Its got to be hard and time consuming, defidently something I wouldnt have the patience or time for, lol, but anyways Good Job, and its one of the things I love most about this blog!

highondegrassi said...

"Moderators, I dont expect this comment to be posted, I just want you guys to know that I appreciate you trying to keep the blog clean of profanity and such."

I agree! This probably isn't the place to mention it, but I appreciate how professional and informative you keep this blog. I'm glad you're exposing KON and all of the untruths. I hope the children will benefit from your hard work.

Anonymous said...

I posted this earlier but it must have gotten deleted with the other stuff.
The G's are going to be in the National Enquirer again dated November 10th.

Gloria said...

michelle said...
I just had a thought. All these people could still be a part of Jon and Kate and the children's life. Maybe they are just now choosing to not be on camera, for whatever reason.

That is a possibility??
***********************************
It sure would be nice for the kids if it were a possibility, but unfortunately, it is not. All these people and more are the casualties of the Gimme Gosselins "use'em up and throw'em away" policy.

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous said...
Who is Susan?"

Susan was the friend of Kate's who kept Leah and Hannah when Kon went to the Florida Keys for Jon's 30th birthday.

Whoever mentioned Gammy, you are right! She is MIA too - has not been seen since the tups' third birthday carnival.

Dang, Jon and Kate - is there anyone left in your inner circle who is not paid to be there?

Methinks not.

mollybloom said...

I think if any of these people were still with the Gosselins we would have heard about it, even if people chose not to be on camera. We know that Jon and Kate and the staff stalk the blogs to see what they need to "fix" in further episodes, and this issue has not been fixed. It's hard to explain away all the people who have disappeared from their lives. I'll pin this on Kate. That many people just don't disappear out of most people's lives. Gosh, do the children think this is normal?

One more for the list: The plastic surgeon's wife, Kate's wonderful BFF, season 2. What about those yearly slumber parties? Haven't heard a word. I bet that woman changed her name and moved.

jkaz said...

Re: Nana Joan - in one of the recent magazine articles (I can't recall which) there was someone named Joan who was identified as a friend, and there was a quote from her. Was that Nana Joan?

Anonymous said...

Paula S said...
What about Jon's mother? Isn't she supposed to live far away? Although, I'm not sure what could be too far away when Jon and Kate have absolutely no problem traveling hither, thither and yon for all free trips.
___________
Jon's mom is not far away. She lives in Huntingdon, just about an hour and a half from Etown. Certainly with easy visiting distance.

meowmeow said...

OMG, I always felt SO bad for the lady who came on Thursday to fold about 100 baskets of laundry, and then the Carla's daughter come on Friday and put all the stuff away.

Get a grip Kate. It wasn't enough that you got those HUGE w&dryers,
but you couldn't even fold or put the stuff away.

By the way, I'm so over this show, I will now see fit to check out your website to get a laugh!!!

JenDalessan said...

Kate will only keep people around that she can control. Wait till those kids become teens, all hell is going to break loose when Kate is not completely running the show.

Sue said...

Did I hear right? Kate said on tonight's show that the kids have been to CA many times.

Anonymous said...

WHY IS IT THAT KATE CAN PRONOUNCE JON CORRECTLY BUT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THE WORD ON. it is not auwn.
------------------

Thank you! I shudder every time I hear her say it. I thought it was just her accent at first, but she doesn't consitently pronounce her o's that way. So funny!

sueshe said...

Excellent observations and funny too!!!

Anonymous said...

no you did not hear right Sue. She said they've TRAVELED quite a few times and know it's easier going through airport security because they know how to do it by now.

Anonymous said...

To Anon 10:18: Having lived in that part of the country some years ago I can tell you that Kate's pronunciation of on as auwn is pretty common with the common folk there. And Kate is more common than most. Also I can remember them saying they would red up the house, meaning get the house cleaned up or "ready". Has she said this? I dont' watch any more so I dont' know.

Anonymous said...

Actually, Sue, you did hear correctly. She said that the kids had been to CA several times and it was hard enough dealing with the 3 hour time difference. Hence the reason for the 5 day layover in San Diego before proceeding to Hawaii.

Anonymous said...

I watched the show last night and a few things resonated with me. First, I shuttered when they were on the plane and Jon said, "We try to take up all the back seats, so we don't have to sit next to strangers." Well, heaven forbid you have to have a conversation with us common folk. What a pretentous comment. They have created a family bubble...those poor children don't know what it is like to have friends! And, second, I was very happy to hear Kate say "thank you" as much as she did at the end of the episode. Maybe, just maybe, they are reading some of these comments. I think they have moved up from product placement to state placement. Anyone catch the California commercial?!

ThreeFarmers said...

And Kate is more common than most.

*snicker*

margojata said...

Katie Irene should really be ashamed of herself for the way she has alienated her family. She can be happy with her monetary blessings now, but she will have to justify her actions when she meets the Almighty Father.

Anonymous said...

what about the carpenter who redid their attack a couple of years ago (his name was Bob), Beth's daughters, Karla's daughters, the babysitter they had on their "Kon special day" and the babysitter they had when the series first began (I believe she came with Karla to help when she was first still new).

Anonymous said...

Yeah..the tummy tuck surgeon's wife is in the witness protection program now.

mollybloom said...

If I were a betting woman, I'd lay money down that Nanny Jenny will be on the Gosselin MIA list in three months. Entering that house is like falling into a black hole. People just vanish. Alien abductions? The Bermuda Triangle? Nope. Just the Kate Gosselin effect.

Anonymous said...

"WHY IS IT THAT KATE CAN PRONOUNCE JON CORRECTLY BUT SHE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THE WORD ON. it is not auwn.
------------------

Thank you! I shudder every time I hear her say it. I thought it was just her accent at first, but she doesn't consitently pronounce her o's that way. So funny!"

________________________________

What I find irritating about the way she speaks is the way she over pronouces her "R's". Like when she says "Orrrrrganic" or "grrrrammerrr" and she draws the "R" out. Funny, Jon doesn't seem to have a problem. The only problem he has speaking is when he gets nervous because Kate is giving him the hairy eyeball and is about to pounce on him about his grrrrammerrrr.

Anonymous said...

What I find irritating about the way she speaks is the way she over pronouces her "R's". Like when she says "Orrrrrganic" or "grrrrammerrr" and she draws the "R" out. Funny, Jon doesn't seem to have a problem. The only problem he has speaking is when he gets nervous because Kate is giving him the hairy eyeball and is about to pounce on him about his grrrrammerrrr."

I have thought the same thing! I drives me nuts how she rolls her r's, especially when she says organic. Makes me cringe!

KONartist said...

I thought the Tito comment was very funny, well played, well played.

However maybe Tito is better off instead of being constantly filmed, having bickering parents who do nothing but pimp you out to the media, take free trips on your behalf and make fun of you at every chance they can get.

I hate to see Jon and Kate making fun of their little moneymakers especially poor little Aaden *Jon cocking his head to the side going durrrrrrr*

IMHO said...

Oh was that good! Someone should do a You-Tube video, Dragnet style, with pics and graphics typed over the pics and that dnn dnn dnn dnn music after each graphic types out. Yah - someone get right on that, LOL!

Anonymous said...

I knew Kate had siblings but I honestly thought that Jon was an only child. Has he ever acknowledged their existence on the show?

momforthekids said...

I know that Jon has two brothers, Thomas and Mark. Jon is the middle child. I can't remember Jon ever talking about his brother's or seeing them on the show. I'm sure that they don't get along with Kate.

Anonymous said...

"Im honestly not a KON supporter but maybe its not Kate alienating everyone, perhaps nobody will talk to her. Im mean really if my family member acted the way she seems to act, as hard as it would be I wouldnt want to be around her."

At first I thought you might have a point. But then I thought of all these wonderful family members and friends who had deep bonds with the children. Even if they hated Kate, I think most of them would stick around for the children's sake. Especially grandparents. Grandparents notoriously are there for their grandkids even if their children are screwups. In fact that is what it seemed like Jodi was doing for a long time--hanging in there for the kids. I think most of these people would put up with it because they love the children more than they care about Kate being awful to them. So that's why I think it was Kate's decision to cut them off and not theirs. We have heard through the grapevine many times that she will often hang the children over people's heads to get them to do what she wanted. If they didn't they wouldn't see the kids anymore--that's lovely, using your children like little pawns in your game playing that you call your life.

Anonymous said...

I'm watching the new episode right now and I haven't watched the show for quite a while. J & K have got it made! I notice Kate has an iPhone. Free trip to San Diego and Hawaii!? I think it would be hard for anyone to get caught up in all of the freebies.

Liz said...

Nana Joan (baby sitter)
Location: Unknown
Missing since: July 4th Parade
Status: Suspected of hijacking Kate’s hotdog and is on the lam!



Actually she's in Florida!

TLC flys her and her husband up in times of Kate and Jon travel (minus kids) so that they can babysit!!!