The Chosen One

My kids are avid watchers of this show, but I just finished reading the article in People where they remarried in Hawaii and there were a few things that REALLY bothered me... not bad, but I would urge them to consider a few things. As an only child myself, my biggest regret was not having siblings, and it's not because my parents couldn't give me any, they chose not to. I understand that Jon & Kate both have siblings so they may not understand why I'm saying this. The thing that caught my attention was that they want to "adopt a baby so they can see what its like to have a child that's actually not a duplicate of another."

Coming from an only child, I have this to say... that child they adopt will not be able to relate because it will be "the only one" and I'm pretty sure will be reminded of that on a regular basis, and the others will likely gang up on that poor child simply because of that fact. Also, by putting "the non duplicate" in front of the camera with the rest of the kids, they will be forever reminding this child that they are not a "special duplicated child," especially when they end up releasing the dvd series.

Keep in mind I'm an only child AND a Mother who chose to give my older daughter a sibling before I went thru a horrendous hysterectomy that almost killed me. I am also blessed to be a Godparent to two boys. Jon & Kate seem to have this notion that no child is alike, but I can guarantee you... that child is going to feel left out its entire life. I'm trying to be very polite, but don't think they've even considered the consequences. I think they should consider some MAJOR counseling before taking this step... if I'm not mistaken they've been on Oprah, so maybe Dr Phil can help? Another freebie...

As "Devout Christians," I think they've been handed enough blessings already and their children have been blessed with more opportunities than most children will ever see in an entire lifetime. I'm a firm believer in "If you get one miracle in your life, you're lucky," and because of their eight miracles they should consider themselves EXTREMELY lucky, yet it doesn't seem like its enough unless this is the overall plan to keep the show going as long as possible. And of course these kids can't answer to be, or not to be in front of those cameras, but judging by the look on the 2 oldest faces and their attitudes, it doesn't seem they want anything to do with it (my youngest is the same age). Making excuses for the way they act on camera when they don't want to be on camera is not fooling us that are watching, its fooling themselves.

Hopefully, someday they don't regret what they've done... and, honestly, I would expect my husband to divorce me if I berated him like that on national television, which is the MAIN reason I don't watch it and remind my children every time they do that treating your spouse that way is not right. Please tell me I'm not the only person that looks at it this way!! I would really like to hear what other "only children" think of this.

Submitted by A One and Only Child

51 comments:

Confused said...

I don't get why they want another child. Weren't they the ones who said SEVERAL times that they were DONE. I don't get it ... I really don't. They talk about how hard it is all the time. Now - they want another? I'm suspicious of this being either A) not really true and a ratings ploy (or to keep people interested in the show) B) to have future episode about the adoption but not follow through ... or c)They really have blown a fuse and want to be the Duggers.

quinn said...

That is an interesting point of view. I agree that the adopted child would feel left out. I still wonder why eight children isn't enough. It doesn't make sense to me.

Dew said...

Cousin Oliver-gate! Of course they haven't considered the consequences! They're selfish like that. Notice they never talk about how they could give a needy child a nice life, how they could help another child, how much love a child could be given in their family. It's all about them and their selfish desire to experience one baby at a time. I also think they're grapling at straws for something new to do with the show. Fictional shows around about the fourth season tend to decide to spice things up by having a baby. But this isn't a fictional show! To bring a human being into their family as a plot device is truly astounding, truly shocking. I suppose we'll get episodes about traveling to Korea, bringing her home, the children adjusting. This is that baby's LIFE, not some sitcom. Someone call Angelina Jolie. She could give that Korean baby a much better home. I hope any adoption agency will reject them based on the set-like quality of their house and the shere number of children.

Anonymous said...

Somehow, I don't think this will ever happen. Just from what I know about people who go through the adoption process, I just don't think that ANY adoption agency would allow them adopt a child. I'm not sure they would pass a psych evaluation, let alone the home evaluation. I think they just talk about it so that people will watch to see what's going to happen.

Anonymous said...

I would agree with this if it was worded strictly as if Kate and Jon Gosselin in particular wanting to add an adopted child to their family is a bad idea, and not as if any family with one or more sets of higher order multiples adopting a child is a bad idea.

I completely agree about Jon and Kate. They don't have the time and skills to devote enough affection to each of their already existing children. It would be ridiculous and cruel to adopt a child into a household that does not have the love and emotional resources to nourish it.

But where I disagree is with the argument about how the adopted child would not be accepted because it is singular and the sextuplets and twins have their own "groups" where a new child would not fit. That argument could technically apply to any family with higher order multiples, but I don't believe that to honestly be the case.

Would the tups all be closer to each other than to a younger sibling? Probably. But in a lot of families siblings who are closer in age are naturally drawn closer together than ones who are farther apart in age. If you have a 6-year-old, a 5-year-old, and 2-year-old, chances are the 6-year-old and 5-year-old are going to play together more and be closer to each other growing up than the 2-year-old ever will be.

That doesn't mean that a mother who has two children close in age (or has a set of higher order multiples) should tie her tubes or never adopt on the assumption that any future child will be an outcast.

michelle said...

It's strange that I believe adoption children is a good thing and "big" families are not "Bad" that you will not post my opinion.
Strange, but you have that right. Will all have rights to our own opinions.

I'm not saying I agree with what Jon and Kate are doing by putting their children in the spotlight because I do not. I do think that many people (including me) have enough love in my heart for many children if I choose to have a biological child and adopt and if I choose to have a big family. More to love and I have that much love within me.

There are many children, of all ages, in this world who would want to be adopted into a loving home, even into a big family.

Lonnyswife said...

I saw a link to an interview today (perhaps it was for the Good Housekeeping interview) where Kate has said they won't be adopting a Korean child as they found out they were four kids over the limit allowed.

sabrinasmom said...

I think the issue with Jon and Kate and adopting is - they have been "pleading 8" to get the freebies they are receiving now. What about the "requests" for "prayers" regarding their "financial" situation? Now they want to bring another child into the mix? Give me a break.

Anonymous said...

This post really bothered me....perhaps because I have 3 biological children and one adopted child from another country. So does this mean that s/he will have issues because s/he looks different from his/her blond siblings? This little person is loved so much by all family members. What more can a child ask for?

ThreeFarmers said...

Just another valid reason on a long list of reasons why KON should not consider adoption.

Dew said...

I agree with others it is not the size of Kon's family or the multiples that matter when adopting a child, it is Kate and Jon themselves and the eight little lives they've already nearly destroyed by exploiting them daily the way they have. To bring another child into this mess is cruel. Give that child to a family who would really provide for her emotionally and not is just using her to fulfill some selfish whim only to lose interest when she gets a little older.

Had Kate gone with their original plan and adopted one baby directly after Mady and Cara, I have no doubt this family would have been very happy and loved and emotionally satisfied and lived their happy lives outside the public eye.

Anonymous said...

As a someone who is adopting, I am appalled that once again they are taking something as parenthood for granted and without thought.

In their opening sequence you hear "We wanted just one more", having already gone through the process and having gotten twins confirms they know the ratio is always higher to have multiples. Did they know they would have 6? No, probably not. Did they know or were they that multiples is a highly possible? yes!!

And lets be clear, Jon and Kate did not research this otherwise they would know would know Adoption is a long process. Overseas can takes years, unless you buy the country a hospital like Angelina. No, I'm not dissing Angelina. I'm just saying she has a lot money to make the process easier and faster, than a normal working couple. This is not something the producers can get around - unless they adopt from America and specfically request a Korean child. Also for a Korean adoption - very important - is that you can not have more than 4 children in the household. (they are double the occupancy allowed!) Having an adopted child is gift,not TV episode. Then again - I wouldn't be surprised if she was a Joan Crawford fan.

Don't take this wrong way J & K, but your kids are Korean, be thankful! For their heritage and that fact you have children.

Clearly they are dreaming, because despite more free time from not working real jobs, they didn't stop to think or research before they spoke.

And here I thought no one could sound as stupid as Hulk Hogan's daughter Brooke. She's the one who said she's not watching the Presidential Race, but won't miss a show of "I love money".

Mmmm I guess she is a fan of John and Kate plus 8 too!

Anonymous said...

There are many children, of all ages, in this world who would want to be adopted into a loving home, even into a big family.
Right you are and that's why the poor children that want a loving home shouldn't be placed with Jon and Kate. Parent's that mock their biological children aren't likely to be better to an adopted child. And if Kate is finally saying she can't adopt due to the family size, yippee. Now stop even mentioning it, Katie!

Anonymous said...

I'm Sharon from Atlanta-(can't get into my 'goggle' account) Anyways, first off the correct term for a child outside of a set of multiples is called a singleton. My BF has a set of triplets and a singleton.

I too have no problem with adoption. Being a 2 time Breast Cancer survivor in my 20's, I was told to never have children. If we couldn't, adoption was the next step of us.

What I believe (correct me if I am wrong) that this debate is about the fact they (KON) have said they don't want any more children. Now that ratings are dropping (due to other more important issues like our economy) it seems time to stir up the mix.

This is NOT the reason to bring a child into ANY home. And, not a pet either. They travel too much to give the children they have the quality time these children need.

I watch my BF's trips and singleton, my child, another couple child and a neighbors child while these parents went on a couples retreat. (eight children 3 to 8). I LOVED EVERY MINIUTE of it! I didn't want to leave them. =( I was responsible for eight children. I LOVED it!! This was one of the most rewarding weekends in my life taking care of all those children.

It seems others make this appear to be not-normal. Like most mom's and women, we want to give the great life if you have one child or more.

I am very pro-adoption. Esp. when there is a child who needs a home. But, (my Opionion) is that KON is going to use this to keep their ratings up. Any TRUE Christian would see the writing on the wall' and say 'Thanks, but NO Thanks)

But then again, when ever have KON said to?

JMHO
Sharon-Atlanta GA

Anonymous said...

A question: Were Jon and Kate remarried in Hawaii, or did they simply renew their vows? I haven't read anywhere that their marriage ended.

michelle said...

They renewed their vows.

For someone, like myself, who will be having a girl, and I'm in my forties and my second child, is being adopted, I believe this is just fine. You let both of your children know that they were very wanted and truly a gift from God and love them both for the wonderful individuals that they are.
So, I am all for adoption. However, I do feel the adoption process should indeed be strict and thorough on the family or person who wants to adopt.

Anonymous said...

"Don't take this wrong way J & K, but your kids are Korean, be thankful! For their heritage and that fact you have children."

Excuse me, but the Gosselin children are all american, not Korean. It's nice they have some Korean heritage along with some others but they are American.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me that adoption would be a huge mistake. Kon does not pay attention, love or nurture the 8 children they already have. They are simply not equipped to deal with a child of adoption which would bring a whole new set of problems with them. This child would need endless time and attention which would not be available in this house of horrors. Any agency which would consider letting them adopt a child should be investigated.
Heaven help the poor innocent child brought into this charade of a family.

Anonymous said...

One child that's not a duplicate of another? They're not duplicates, they're individuals and they need to be treated as such, instead all 8 are treated as one big herd. I didn't need the article, so I don't know if that's their specific quote, but please, if they wanted to experience just one more, why not adopt after the twins?

Anonymous said...

My sister and her husband recently took a trip to China where they met and fell in love with a special needs orphan. The government usually bars families with more than one child from adopting, but since this child is special needs and a "burden" on the state, they are allowed. I wonder if J&K would consider special needs?

Anonymous said...

I'm not a fan of this show but why is everyone assuming that they want another child for ratings? I think the fact that the tups are now 4 is a huge reason why Kate is longing for another baby. I myself felt I was done with two beautiful daughters, but when my youngest started pre-k things changed.

Anonymous said...

I have seen both sides. I am an only child. I was lonely growing up and was always jealous of kids with big families. I wanted several children so, my husband and I had three. Twin boys and then another son, born 18 months apart.

As much as we've TRIED, the twin boys leave out their older brother. They love each other dearly, but when they play, the twins play together and leave out the singleton.

This doesn't mean Kon shouldn't adopt. I am merely pointing out that, in my experience, our multiples DO have a bond that does not include their sibling.

Ravello said...

I have never believed the talk from the KONS about adopting a Korean infant. It seemed to be an attempt to endear themselves to the public.
She barely pays attention to the kids she has.
Kate pays little to no attention to the boys, they are treated as excess baggage, her " gross icky" boys. They are her necessary evil, the 3 boys bring the number to 6, voila they have sextuplets.
The twins seem very morose, sad, stressed. They do not appear to get much attention. She is always telling them they must participate for the sake of the tups.

I have observed Kate giving lots of love and attention to her Hannie. Otherwise, she falls way short of meeting the needs of the 8 kids she already has.

Anonymous said...

I could not agree with you more. And notice that the reason they want this child is because THEY WANT to feel what it is like to have a single child. Everything is about them. I don't think they've wasted a moment's time considering any of your very valid points. And I don't think they will. If they are able, and I think it is mostly Kate, to somehow outwit the system that surely should not allow an adoption here, then they will consider it another blessing for THEM -- not for the kid.

Anonymous said...

Okay, first... Love the Cousin Oliver reference - it ended the Brady's.

God help the boys if they adopt a singleton GIRL! Jon and the boys might as well pack their bags and pitch a tent in the backyard!

Jen said...

Bottom line...Kate is greedy. She's greedy and shameful. She has been blessed with eight beautiful healthy children, yet because she's a drama queen who need to create situations to get attention, she brings up adoption. There is nothing these two won't do to keep the drama and gravy train going. There are people out there who would consider themselves blessed beyond belief to have ONE child, yet Kate, despite her CONSTANT complaining about how hard her life is and how her kids drive her crazy, decides that one more kid will keep the attention flowing. In my opinion, she has something seriously wrong with her. Pay attention to the kids you ALREADY HAVE Kate! Give them your love, attention and support. That's your job already as their mother, and let someone who can truly give the attention needed to a child who has already had a difficult life adopt a baby.

What is wrong with this woman? You'd think with all of their new-found money earned on the backs of her kids that she could at least BUY a clue! Or pay Jenny to come up with one for her!

Anonymous said...

I don't think Jon and Kate could handle a special needs child. Isn't this the woman who got upset because Aaden needed glasses. I work with Special Olympics and there is no way this family would be able to handle a child with disabilities on a daily basis.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

Just from what I know about people who go through the adoption process, I just don't think that ANY adoption agency would allow them adopt a child.


There are private agents (many of them also attorneys) who "facilitate" and "expedite" the adoption of babies from other countries. Their services are very costly. No doubt one of them will be found who is glad to "donate" those services--for a promotional feature in an episode, of course.

Dew said...

Had Kate gone with their original plan and adopted one baby directly after Mady and Cara, I have no doubt this family would have been very happy and loved and emotionally satisfied and lived their happy lives outside the public eye.


I agree only with the last sentence (which I italicized for emphasis). Kate is, as has been stated many times, a narcissist. She herself admits that she is "driven". She would have impacted her family's existence with some other obsession.

allison parker said...

Hey, thanks for pointing that out. Jon and Kate have a very stupid and shallow reason to adopt a child. I hope that whoever gets to give them a child realizes this and in turn not allow them to adopt. The point of adopting is so that you can give love and care to a child who would love and care for you in return. You don't just adopt just so you know how it would feel to get one baby. That's so stupid! If they want to know how it feels, why don't they spend more one on one time with their kids. I doubt it Kate doesn't know how it feels. Doesn't she always pretend Hannah is an only child anyways?

GreenMunkee said...

No, you're not the only one who thinks like this and they have not considered the consequences.

As an only child I totally understand your point of view.

My husband has six brothers and sisters and to this day does not understand how lonely it can be being an "only" as an adult as well. I thank God for my three adult children every day and that they have each other.

Not having a sibling to reminisce your childhood with or not having someone around to totally have your back. Blood truely is the strongest bond. Cousins are not the same as having a sibling and "we" know this all too well.



Hopefully that child will not be singled out by the others; but who is to say in an argument what might come out of someone's mouth?

We don't know the age of the child but if the child is old enough to understand and not an infant than that child would totally be aware that the other children are not their blood relatives and they are the newcomer.

You have to take into consideration the medical aspect as well.

Have they ever thought about heaven forbid that adopted child could possibly one day need a kidney, liver or some other transplant and pray that one of them would be a match and if not would end up on a list waiting for one? This is the reality for only children faced with a medical crisis.

This child should not be their experiment to see what its like to have a singleton. This is a living, thinking, breathing human being; not an object. But that is an eerie thought since somone once mentioned that Kate thinks of people as objects.

I really understand your post and where you're coming from on this one.

Anonymous said...

I wonder about J&K sometimes. No child is a duplicate of another. Just because 2 or 6 were born at the same time they are individuals. I think that might be Kate's problem--she cannot separate the children in to individuals. The boys are a unit. The little girls are a unit. The twins are a unit. Perhaps if she acknowledged that the kids were different people she would allow the children to blossom in to individual personalities.

Anonymous said...

Lonnyswife said...
I saw a link to an interview today (perhaps it was for the Good Housekeeping interview) where Kate has said they won't be adopting a Korean child as they found out they were four kids over the limit allowed.
____________________________
Frankly, although KON is unbelievably stupid and shallow, they may have figured our that this adoption of a ninth child from Korea or wherever would actually ruin the highly lucrative scam they have going as everyone would be demanding to know why they can care for and financially support another child when they are crying "poor."

Anonymous said...

Lonnyswife said...
I saw a link to an interview today (perhaps it was for the Good Housekeeping interview) where Kate has said they won't be adopting a Korean child as they found out they were four kids over the limit allowed.
____________________________
Frankly, although KON is unbelievably stupid and shallow, they may have figured our that this adoption of a ninth child from Korea or wherever would actually ruin the highly lucrative scam they have going as everyone would be demanding to know why they can care for and financially support another child when they are crying "poor."

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering whats up with all the 'lonely' only children on this board. I'm an only child. My parents did this on purpose, so that I could have more than they did. I'm not worse off for it. I have tons of cousins to reminisce about my childhood with. No, its not the same- its better! When they went home I had mom and dad all to myself. No wondering who they love more. No one to be compared to.

As far as someone always having your back, Ive got such a person. And shes the best example of how blood isnt always the tightest bond. She and I are a thousand times more close than she and her sister. Siblings dont always equate bestestfriendsforever. My best friends sister cares only for one person- herself. (Mind you, we arent kids either.. we are all in our mid 20's)

So just wanted to throw that out there... Not all only kids pine away as adults wishing for the siblings they will never have nor do they all make sure that their kids will have siblings. Im planning on having just one, maybe two- If I can afford it-not because I think my only needs one.

On topic- KON would be crazy to adopt another kid... Sure it sounds great when the cameras are rolling and the freebies are rolling in, but what happens when that ends and they have 9 children to support? BAD BAD idea... Honestly though, I dont see how any reputable agency would place a child with them anyway. Their 'super awesome' parenting skills are aired to the nation each week.

Anonymous said...

People the only way to stop Jon and Kate is to stop watching the show!

I know that is easier said then done but honestly our watching is only getting them farther. It doesnt matter if your watching because you love Jon and Kate, love watching the kids, or your worried for the kids safety, you are contributing to their high ratings! No TV station will take a show of with such high ratings, we need to make their rating lower and the only way that will happen is if WE STOP WATCHING!!!

Anonymous said...

Anon 8:19,

Totally agree with you. K.G. is a narcissist. Decisions are made according to what she wants. People with this personality trait, which many consider a disorder, do not take in to account anyone else's needs, wants, concerns when making their decisions. In essence, it is the world according to, "Them."This jmho, based on what I've seen and read.

Anon 9:11,

You're right...Kate will never see and treat the kids as individuals, because that's just too much work for her. Like she actually does any of the work. Don't you realize she's EXHAUSTED.

Anonymous said...

This aside from the Gosselin debacle, I have a singleton girl who is 27 mos. older than my twins. I think people almost went overboard, making sure she didn't feel 'left out' or 'not special' because she is a singleton. My identical twins are also girls, and the 3 of them are as tight as they come. As toddlers the babies almost would rather play with their older sister than each other; but then my older daughter started Preschool, etc. and they loved playing with each other as well. They are now 14 and 12, and when they make me want to rip my hair out, as adolescent girls do - I silently think to myself - they will always be tight and there for each other - even if they want to blame ME for all the wrongs in their worlds ;) Might be because they are all girls, but at no time did my oldest daughter feel left out. -Patti B.

wendimail said...

I think this is all about Kate and her obsession with babies. She makes it very clear that seeing her children grow pains her.

Why does she want another baby? She's a control freak and a narcissist. A baby provides both. She can control a baby and the baby is dependent on her completely.

AmandaT said...

Did they really call their multiples "duplicates?" I really hope they didn't.
Their excuse with being sub-par parents with the other kids was that they had so many. So what will the excuse be with just one?
I agree that they are setting this child up for some major issues in the future, simply because of the dynamics of the situation.
Why do they want to adopt? To give a home to a deserving child? Because they have so much love they want more children to share it with? Because they are so blessed they want to spread the blessings to needy children?
No. Because they want to know what it's like to have "just one."

wilma said...

you state that your children are "avid watchers of the show". Really...I was just with two kids and they were totally uninterested. I haven't watched all the shows but the ones I have seen show a few seconds of the kids, and then cut to J/K discussing what happened. Even for me as an adult it is very fragmented. I really only can watch to snark (and I have stopped that behavior). I just wonder how kids find this show interesting at all.

Open question...what ages do kids find this show interesting? are they bored when it is just J/K talking.

GreenMunkee said...

Keep in mind I'm an only child AND a Mother who chose to give my older daughter a sibling before I went thru a horrendous hysterectomy that almost killed me. I am also blessed to be a Godparent to two boys.

**********************************

Obviously you are a caring and loving mother to consider your daughter's future and to think of that ahead of time.

Only a true mother would put her children's considerations ahead of her own. You are truly blessed.

Anonymous said...

Only within the fantasy driven mind and world that Kate lives in could she justify her reasoning of wanting to adopt as ' wanting to know what it feels like to have just one'. Kate will never know what it is like to have 'just one child' as she is the mother of 8 and adding one more would equal 9 children. One does not fulfill some misquided fantasy of having 'just one child' to the exclusion of the existing 8 children. The existing 8 children may have entered this world in the form of twins and sextuplets, but they are each their own individual and unique in their own right and should be acknowledged as such by the parents and their fellow siblings. You do not segregate and label children within a family unit based on the bioligy in which they were concieved, those are the twins, these are the sextuplets and this is my 'one child'. Furthermore, one does not enter in to the idea of wanting to know what its like to 'have just one child' when the family currently exists of 8 children ! The parental obligations and responsibilities of having 8 children do not cease with the addition of 'just one more'.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting how most families of multiples I have seen on TV go out of their way to not refer to their children as the twins or the quads. I've heard these parents make reference to the fact that it is the outside world that is obsessed with labels not them. J&K rarely refer to the children as anything other than the twins or the little girls or the little boys. Occasionaly you hear a reference to something Aaden did or something Alexis said, but aren't these references prompted by Jen the producer?

I have friends of multiples who will correct me if I refer to their children as "the twins" rather than by their name.

dirtydisher said...

Hmm, "I went thru a horrendous hysterectomy that almost killed me." Sorry, but, that sounds like a Kate-isim. Was it horrendously horrendous?

Anonymous said...

I never really understood the comment " we want to know what
it's like to have just one".

Why is that KON? If you treated your children as 8 individuals instead of a pair and a pack, you would know what it's like to have just one.....

Anonymous said...

I can't believe Jon and Kate are actually considering adopting a child. First off, to all those familes with adopted kids: I have no doub that your kids are your kids....are your kids. They are not your adopted kids, they are your kids. Kate, on the other hand, seems to compartmentalize and label her kids EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. The twins. The little girls. The little boys. Dressing them all alike and not seeming to recognize their differences. A new baby, whether adopted or not, would be "the single one" or the "the baby one" or knowing Kate she would toss some oddly fractured English word to describe the baby: "Adoptorean" as to combine adopted and Korean or some other odd word. They made a big production about "being done. We are DONE!" But now the kids aren't so little and we need some new blood.
They both annoy me. And of course Kate wants a gorl - we have seen her distate for the boys.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one old enough to remember back to when the big buzzword of the day (compare to Global Warming and Living Green today)was Zero Population Growth. Everyone was being told that the responsible thing to do was not have more than 2 (or was it 2 1/2--LOL!)children. When did couples who procreate like rabbits become so admired? Or is it just curiosity, like the other freak shows that TLC airs constantly? I mean, I totally sympathize with women who want a baby and struggle with infertility. But Kate had two healthy, beautiful, normal daughters, which a woman with PCOS you'd think would be grateful for and leave it at that. Plus, I remember Jon saying he was dead set against having more. I wonder sometimes how many ignorant women out there Kate is inspiring to try for multiple births, thinking maybe if they have enough it'll be a ticket to stardom.

Anonymous said...

Have they ever thought about heaven forbid that adopted child could possibly one day need a kidney, liver or some other transplant and pray that one of them would be a match and if not would end up on a list waiting for one? This is the reality for only children faced with a medical crisis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But... that could happen even to a biological child. Sometimes even a child's very own mother, father, brother, or sister won't even be a match for it. Are you advocating that people shouldn't have children period in case the child they give birth to ever gets ill?

Are you saying no one should ever adopt because they don't have a handy set of organs available to match their adopted child?

If that was a major concern when adopting, agencies would force prospective parents to have blood tests to see if they match who they adopt. But as they don't, I imagine having a matching kidney or liver is not a criteria for adopting a child.

AmandaT said...

I came across a wonderful quote on one of the parenting sites I enjoy (www.naturalchild.org). It's the quote of the month by Lois Haddad:

"Nobody tells you that if you live long enough and if you survive the inevitable stresses and mistakes, the best part of parenting is having your children in your life as adults ... your ultimate purpose is to get through the child development years to savor the pleasure of having in your life a magnificent adult with whom you have an excellent relationship ... if you're aware at the beginning how this process works, you can make better choices about the kind of memories you want to end up with."

This really struck me as something that I want to remember as I go through the day to day routine with my child. And this is something that I believe Jon and Kate have lost along the way.
They seem so focused on the now - what are we doing now? what can we get now?
When they speak about the future, they talk about how the house will be quiet, and thus, the idea to adopt a "tagalong." When that child grows, what will happen next, Kate and Jon? Is there a concern that perhaps the children will leave, and then they will be left with the quiet? The quiet that finally allows that nagging voice in the back of their heads to be audible, the voice that says there are more important things than money and celebrity. In fact, the Gosselins have been blessed with 8 wonderful little people who are far more important than any freebie. The answer is not to stay so busy that the buzz of life drowns out that voice. Instead, the answer is to find a bit of quiet time right now, to face that voice and to answer it honestly. No excuses, no rationalizations, but an honest answer to that choice - are we doing the best by our children when we consider their whole lives?
And if not, then what truly needs to change? Is the way I am earning a living something that I want to see my children do? Is the way I speak to and about others the way I want my children to speak?
From watching Jon and Kate on tv, at speaking engagements, and in interviews, it seems their focus is very much on the now. They shun any talk of the future, and do not seem to have any plans for beyond the immediate future.
As a mother, I can understand this to an extent. Some days, the only way to get through it is to focus on the present moment.
Yet even in that present moment I can quickly think, "Do I want my son to speak to another person this way?"
Kate and Jon would do well to seriously consider their words and actions, and to consider their children as they will be as adults.

Kelli said...

Anon said:
"Obviously you are a caring and loving mother to consider your daughter's future and to think of that ahead of time.

Only a true mother would put her children's considerations ahead of her own. You are truly blessed."
----------------------

Ouch. I'm an only and I didn't really mind it. Sure, it would have been nice to have a sibling, but I don't. I have friends and a husband and I make due with that. My husband has two brothers that he never talks to.

My son has autism, and because of that, we probably won't have another child because I'm not sure that I could handle the needs of two special needs children (higher autism rate with sibs). While I feel badly that he will be on only, I have no desire to have another child and I don't think "to give my current child a sibling" is a valid reason for having another. Apparently I'm not that loving after all.

Anonymous said...

Don't sweat it, Kelli, you're not the only one who found this post offensive.

DirtyDisher