Have the Gosselins Given Fertility Treatments a Bad Name?

This post was sent via email by a viewer who wishes to remain anonymous.

Why the Negative Attitude Toward Fertility Treatments? Like many people here I used to be a fan of the show and I respected and admired Jon and Kate for their apparent dedication to their children. A few months ago I began to have doubts about Kate's character (GumGate) which led me to search the internet and eventually brought me here.The lies and deception went much deeper than I ever imagined and now I am just waiting and hoping for the show to be canceled.

That said, many people on this site make very derogatory comments in regards to PCOS, infertility in general and fertility treatments. My husband and I tried for 7 years to start a family and bring home a healthy baby. My premature twins died in my arms with our tears falling on their perfect little hands. We had to bury them before we even saw them smile. Thankfully, we now have a beautiful and healthy toddler that is the center of our world.

Those who have never struggled to conceive or have never lost a child cannot even begin to understand the heartache, grief and stress it causes. When I read people's comments that say or imply things like "It was God's plan for them to be infertile", it makes my blood boil. People with infertilty issues are not any more or less entitled to be parents than the 15 year old girl who gets pregnant or the happy couple with the white picket fence. How a baby is made has nothing to do with parenting skills. Just because Kate is a shrew doesn't mean all people with infertility issues will disregard their childrens wants, needs and rights the way that she does. The stereotypes are just not necessary and really degrade the quality of this site and insult those of us who have had to struggle to build a family.

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

I completely agree. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry for the devestating loss of your twins. I teared up reading that part. But it's wonderful you have been able to have a child of your own, congratulations! :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing. I applaud you in standing up for those of us who suffer from infertility. I always say you can't understand it unless you've been there yourselves. We went through three rounds of IUI (unsuccessfully) and are the proud parents of two beautiful three year old boys via adoption. You are so right on when you say how a baby is made has nothing to do with parenting skills.

Thank you for letting me vent.

FIONA said...

When I read people's comments that say or imply things like "It was God's plan for them to be infertile", it makes my blood boil. People with infertilty issues are not any more or less entitled to be parents than the 15 year old girl who gets pregnant or the happy couple with the white picket fence. How a baby is made has nothing to do with parenting skills.

----
You are absolutely correct. It is nature, and none of us have perfect bodies. Not being able to conceive has nothing to do with your nuturing capabilities. And I think adoption is great..I have an awesome nephew who was adopted, and it is uncanny how he has acquired all our unique familial traits. He is truly a blessing.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry about your twins. And I am very happy for you to have your little one. I did want to share with you my thoughts about your post. I think the negative comments about fertility treatments by people here on GWoP are made exclusively in the context of Kate Gosselin. The comments are not, I believe, a general indictment about all those who undergo fertility treatments. Kate Gosselin's immaturity, entitlement issues, selfishness, narcissism, total lack of personal responsibility and chronic lies are so extremely upsetting and disturbing. Her story as it relates to her infertility indicates her massive ego motivated her to undergo these treatments without any awareness of the possible consequences. That is the difference. I have numerous friends who have had and are undergoing fertility treatments and I know how heartbreaking it can be when they are unsuccessful. Kate is someone who uses her infertility as a gateway to fame and fortune. This is what makes people angry and causes the negative comments. I wish you and your family nothing but the best. I hope you can see that these negative comments do not apply to all people who can be helped by fertility treatments.

Anonymous said...

Hi there, Please accept my condolences on the loss of your children. The death of a child is something that no parent should ever have to face, more than one just terrible.

I am 1 of those people that has a hard time understanding the Gosselins' decision to go for a 2nd round of treatments. They were barely married when they initiated their first round of treatments, and by their own admissions were thrilled to have their beautiful, healthy daughters. If what we've all read (from those insiders)on the blogs is truthful, J/K were not caring for the twins on their own and showed not signs of being financially secure following the girls' births. And, this is where I have the problem: If you are unable to soley care for and support the 2 kids that you have, I believe that you have absolutely no right to seek treatments that could produce more. You do not have to agree....I was just raised in a home where personal responsibilty and owning up to your own decisions was stressed, and I have raised my children in the same atmosphere. We're trying to make this world a better place, not just seeing how much that we can extract from it.

I'm not against treatments. I'm just against the irresponsible use of technology. If you are healthy and functional you should have a plan, be responsible and should not expect others to care or provide for you and your family.( This includes your minor chidren or the state of PA.) Thanks, and again I am sorry for your losses.

Mimi said...

I am very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what it's like to want a child and have trouble conceiving -- that has to be one of the most stressful situations out there.

However, I don't remember most people here being against fertility treatments in general (of course, I'm not here a lot so it's possible I just didn't see them).

For me, the problem with Kate and fertility treatments is her statement (paraphrasing) that society should help take care of the children since society has enabled fertility treatments.

It is not society's problem and I think most people resent any hint that it should be.

What I don't believe in any way, shape or fashion is that God has so much time on His hands that He sits around mulling over who should have a baby and who should not.

Anonymous said...

Please accept my sympathies on the loss of your beautiful twins. I was happy to read you now have a toddler! I agree with other posters that any judgement on fertilty on this board is aimed at Kate and only Kate. I would NEVER ask anyone if they used fertility, it is none of my business. Kate made it everyone's business by talking about it (endlessly) on their show. I do have judgements toward their doc who allowed them to go through a second round of fertility. They had two kids already! I am taken aback when a woman has twins and people ASK "Did you use fertilty?" I would be so shocked I would not know what to say!! Kate comes across as someone who gambled with the fertility dice and is now overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed!

FIONA said...

For me, the problem with Kate and fertility treatments is her statement (paraphrasing) that society should help take care of the children since society has enabled fertility treatments.
-----What I don't believe in any way, shape or fashion is that God has so much time on His hands that He sits around mulling over who should have a baby and who should not.

9/25/2008 4:59 PM

---
I agree with your sentiments and will attempt to say again, that it is part of nature, in my opinion, that some can conceive, and some cannot.

Further, I do not believe that a doctor should implant for embryos than a woman is designed to carry. "First do no harm".

Kate put her life at risk and all the babies. I think it should be a medical standard that physicians follow to limit the number of embryos a woman can carry.

I think you have to be willing to reduce for the safety of the mother and the babies.

Anonymous said...

I dont think poster should lump herselve in the same catergory as Kate Gosselin. Kate Gosseling expects soceity to foot the bill for her young children. I dont think this is true in your case and a lot of other women who are in the same boat as you. It probably struck a nerve with you because you have been through it, and have suffered a loss. I think people do have a right to their opinion about infertiltiy and they do not have to walk in any one's shoes in order to have it. I am not trying to be insensitive but any comment that was negative was aimed at Kate. People going through the same thing should not put themselves in the same mix as Kate.

Anonymous said...

I think stories like yours are the reason Kate Gosselin gives fertility treatments a bad name.

With everything else, Kate makes it seem so easy. Fertility treatments don't guarantee babies, being a Mother is not so easy.

For whatever reason, Kate Gosselin received fertility treatments at young age, without the normal "wait and see" approach, most infertile couples receive. Kate Gosselin makes Motherhood look easy without disclosing she has a full staff and unlimited assets at her disposal.

In reference to the "It was God's plan for them to be infertile." - IMO that is directed toward the Gosselin's supposed faith.

Chris said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins. And I am happy that you do have a little one.

The problem isn't you or any other couple with fertility issues. It's the Gosselin's. After being blessed with two healthy, beautiful, daughters they wanted more, for purely selfish reasons. From what has been said by people in the know, they had difficulty caring for Cara and Mady. I find Kate's statement that society owes it to her to take care of her family because society allows fertility treatments especially jarring. I want to knock her upside the head and tell her "Look. Society doesn't owe you anything. It was here first."

Carrie said...

Thanks for your wonderful post. While I can't imagine the heartbreak of losing two babies, I too struggled with infertility for 5 years. My frustration with Kate lies with the fact that she talks about long and painful her infertility journey was. Really? Weren't the twins born before their 1st anniversary? The scene in Monday's episode where she was showing the video of her pregnancy test and saying, "This is the most wanted pregnancy ever" made my blood boil. How many cycles of IUI did they even go through? One? She has NO idea what an infertility journey is like. I totally get that they wanted a baby badly. What I can't stand is that they talk like it was such a long and hard journey when in essence she spent approximately three months trying for a baby. There's still something fishy there. Most fertility doctors will not even see you until you have tried for six months to a year, even with a PCOS diagnosis since people with PCOS can occasionally ovulate. (My six year old is proof of that) Then to jump right to IUI without any other treatments makes me very suspicious as well. I had ultrasounds, then BC pills to try and quiet my ovaries, then surgery to remove the cysts, 4 rounds of Clomid and finally glucophage to promote ovulation. I didn't even get a referral to a fertility specialist until after surgery. Kate "knows" that she might have trouble conceiving and within a month she's seeing a doctor and getting fertility treatments? What is up with that?

Anonymous said...

As much as I dislike Kate (and it's a LOT), I would never wish the emotional and physical stress involved with fertility treatments on my worst enemy.

When I was 29, my husband and I had a bouncing baby boy with no complications. When he turned 3, we decided to try again. 7 years, 7 IUI's,1 miscarriage and 1 IVF later, we had another healthy, beautiful son, who is now almost 4. We are so very thankful that one of our treatments was successful, but the road there was a long, emotional and heartbreaking one.

I have all the respect in the world for those who go the fertility route as it is not an easy one to follow .

As another poster stated, I truly believe that most people are not against fertility treatments per se, it's just that everything associated with Kate has been tainted by her greed and selfish behavior.

I hope are enjoying your little miracle! God bless.

barb said...

I'm no Kate fan, but I wanted to clear up a few misconceptions about Kate's infertility treatments that I have seen here and elsewhere. (BTW, my husband and I Have struggled with infertility for over 3.5 years and are currently in the process of doing an in vitro fertiltization cycle, so I have some experience with the topic).



Fiona stated:

"Kate put her life at risk and all the babies. I think it should be a medical standard that physicians follow to limit the number of embryos a woman can carry."

You are referring to IVF here. Kate did not have IVF--She had a medicated(with drugs to stimulate her ovaries) IUI, which is when the woman is inseminated with sperm and you wait to see how many eggs fertilize. That is how she wound up with sextuplets--six of her eggs happened to fertilize. That is very rare. Often no eggs fertilize.

With IVF, doctors rarely transfer more than two embryos unless they are of poor quality or the mother is on the older side. In both cases, it is less likely the embryos will implant. Thus you transfer more. Even then a doctor will maybe do three.

The goal of fertility treatments, especially IVF is to produce one baby (maybe two), as more than that can be unhealthy for the babies and the mother. With IVF you have more control of that number, as thedoctor decides how many embryos to transfer. With a medicated IUI, it is more difficult to control, as it is an insemination--not an embryo transfer. That is why Kate said her doctor referred to her situation as a "fertility nightmare." From a medical standpoint, conceiving six at once is a very undesireable--and potentially very dangerous--situation.

Nobody goes into an IUI expecting to get lots of kids. You're lucky if you get one. I can't tell you how many women I know who tried IUI after IUI without success.

Also, I don't understand the sentiment that they should have been happy with two and not tried again for another. Why should infertile couples have a limit on how many children to have when fertile couples do not?

Anonymous said...

When I read people's comments that say or imply things like "It was God's plan for them to be infertile", it makes my blood boil. People with infertilty issues are not any more or less entitled to be parents than the 15 year old girl who gets pregnant or the happy couple with the white picket fence.


I couldn't agree more. I have lost my ability to ever have my own children b/c of uterine cancer (I'm 33). I was diagnosed a few weeks before my wedding last year. When I hear the "it wasn't meant to be" speech it makes me want to throw something! Whether a couple loses their ability to naturaly conceive through disease, or a roll of the genetic dice, it doesn't mean we shouldn't do everything in our power to become parents. Amen sister!

Libby said...

Your story is very touching and I'm happy that you got a happy ending, although it is so sad that you lost your twins. How horribly heartbreaking for you. I had secondary infertility. I had tried to become pregnant when my 1st was 2&1/2. After a year of trying, my GYN began testing, followed by Clomid. I took it for several months without becoming pregnant. I became afraid of what might happen if I kept taking the clomid so I stopped. I eventually became pregnant when my 1st was almost 4&1/2. I didn't experience what you did, I have no idea what you have been through. I do know what it feels like to hope every single month that this is it. Taking basal body temp. charting everything, timing everything and still not pregnant. It is an emotional roller coaster. In the end, fertility treatment didn't help me. One of my sisters has done the whole thing over and over and she never had a baby. She's 45 now, and just accepts that she's not going to be a mother. That's okay, she is a wonderful aunt. I hope that I haven't knocked fertility treatments. It is a wonderful tool to help woman/couples become parents. I think one of the concerns about Kate has her own issues and I think that there was questions about whether she had manipulated the situation in order to try for multiples the second time around. We obviously don't know exactly what happened, a lot of what is on these posts are just speculation. Regardless of how Kate became pregnant, the fact that we do know is that she is the mom to 8 beautiful children. I think what most of us are concerned with is what she does with her kids now that she has them.

ThreeFarmers said...

Your post represents a much-needed perspective.

I think we are so lucky to live in an age where technology and science have developed such effective fertility treatments. I'm not sure that if I were in the position of being pregnant with sextuplets that I would selectively reduce. I might just try to have those babies. Dunno.

What I worry about is the fact that the Gosselins have probably made the road much more difficult for people who do choose to carry higher order multiples to term. I fear that companies and communities won't be so generous with their support after being taken to the cleaners by the Gosselins.

I don't see anything positive coming out of the Gosselin legacy.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss!

As a mother of spontaneous twins, I have become acquainted with many other moms of multiples who have gone through fertility treatments. They make great moms...maybe more so than myself even. I don't believe Kate was ever a good candidate for fertility treatments. She was young, newly married, and had not tried for that long before starting treatments. It sounds like an irresponsible doctor and a very pushy patient to me. Kate's mom admitted Kate had always wanted twins. She probably craved the attention that having twins brings. She definitely plays up the multiples aspect by dressing the kids the same. My twins are fraternal and that just feels silly to me. If a relative gives us matching stuff I will dress them in it, but I always find myself explaining that I did not buy the matching stuff myself because it kind of embarrasses me to have people think I am trying to make them exactly alike.

Anonymous said...

Barb, It's not the people who have difficulties conceiving who should limit the number of children that they have, it's those couples who can neither solely care nor provide for their current offspring that should limit the number of children that they bring into this world. It's called being a responsible parent and citizen.

Libby, Yes, the focus should not be on if the tups should have been conceived. The darling tups are living and breathing and the focus should be on allowing them to thrive in the most stable atmosphere possible.

missc said...

I am an avid reader but never posted.... I have suffered from infertility seince 2004, lost one and had a chemical pregnancy. I got a negative test yet again today. I used to love Kate to peices, cause she was successful with PCOS, as i did my digging i saw it for what it was.. a NURSE.. skilled in her feild, Dx with a disease that has many symptoms from which infertility is ONE, and went for what she wanted. She came from a large family, is an obviouse attention whore ( for lack of a better word) and wanted to stand out, so she rushed things. I know everyone takes a different road, but DH and i tried for a year, then herbs, then clomid, then clomid with IUI, and are now moving on cautiousely with injectables. I feel sorry for people who do conceive HOM, because given the choice between IVF and IUI, IUI is much cheaper, and yes you are made aware of the risk of HOM ( my paperwork says about 8% with clomid, not sure on the injectables yet) you also know that the bigger risk is NOT conceiving, and you think.. well if i could just get just one.. you never think you are going to be THAT PERSON, and as an FYI, people with OHHS, as Kate had, are told NOT to iseminate..... i find it hard that her doctor did, maybe they went home and did the deed who knows.. the reality is they were blessed by God,( i know people disagree and i respect that ) to have what many people want their whole lives, but they blatenly disregaurd the needs for their childrens well being, it is like they have taken forgranted what they "wanted so bad" What a shame. I think the biggest thing that suffers in the world of infertility, is in that rare occassion that you will have a couple with HOM, the public is and will not be as generouse as they have been, everyone will look for alterior motives. The morrisons in Minn, expierienced horrible feedback in the case of critics when there were diaper drives ( sadly they lost 5 of the 6) and the Ferril Five have people gripping as well. It is a shame. I have had a cousin say to me " so if you have HOM are you gonna try for a TV show?" Nice, thanks Kate!! I really think that is what she wants as well.. no one else getting attention. Case in point WHY would childrens cancer reserch be your only charity ( i an not saying they shoudnt contribute) but why wouldnt they donate all the things that were given to them to other couples struggeling with HOM????? Why dont they pay if forward?? Why dont they do a special on her disease and donate money to PCOS reserch? Why dont they do motivational speaking to couples TTC? I am getting off topic, it just bothers me. I am so glad that not everyone thinks badly of infertility, it is a hard road, and now has gotten publicly bumpier cause of Kate.

Anonymous said...

It probably struck a nerve with you because you have been through it, and have suffered a loss. I think people do have a right to their opinion about infertiltiy and they do not have to walk in any one's shoes in order to have it. I am not trying to be insensitive but any comment that was negative was aimed at Kate. People going through the same thing should not put themselves in the same mix as Kate.
_________

That is how I feel. I think people have a right to their opinions about it even if they have not experienced it. In this case especially, it is just not right for the kids. They are being shortchanged. And who would want to lump themselves in a category with Kate? Why was she even given treatments? Who is to say she was even infertile just because she "had a feeling" about it? I believe it would take more than a couple months to even know if you're truly infertile, even if diagnosed by a "fertility expert". Would 7 eggs even fertilize (they lost one) if she were infertile to begin with? I will continue to have and share the opinion that if you deliberately seek out a pregnancy knowing you have a high chance of lots of babies, don't expect society to support you! (not you as in the OP, but you general)

Anonymous said...

Libby, Yes, the focus should not be on if the tups should have been conceived. The darling tups are living and breathing and the focus should be on allowing them to thrive in the most stable atmosphere possible. The focus is not on if they should have been concieved from what I've read but there are questions many and some come from when they admit they'd not do it again and that they prayed God would take a few before the birth.
I roll my eyes with the remarks that the children will be hurt by remarks made on blogs but how hurt will they be reading their parents words about finding out about them was the worse time of their life, they wouldn't do it again and prayed some would die in utero. Sick.

Anonymous said...

Also, I don't understand the sentiment that they should have been happy with two and not tried again for another. Why should infertile couples have a limit on how many children to have when fertile couples do not?

I think it's directed more at the G's specifically, not infertile people in general. The Gosselins gave the impression (true or not) that they needed a lot of help to support the twins, financially and otherwise. If they had such a hard time providing for two kids, why make things worse by having more? If they hadn't had such a generous community (and a TV show), they'd be in a financial pickle.

(I had a similar reaction to a letter in one of the advice columns, from a couple wondering how to ask for donations to fund fertility treatments they couldn't afford. If there's not enough money to pay for the medical stuff, how will there be enough to support the kids? If you bring a kid into this world, it's your responsibility to take care of it. Not someone else's. Something to think about before the baby arrives, no matter how it gets here.)

Suzanne said...

First off, my sympathies on the loss of your twins. I'm sorry that you didn't get to experience all those firsts.

Anyone who has gone through infertility treatments *knows* that RE's cancel a cycle for hyperstimulated ovaries. In fact, Kate tells of being hospitalized for it prior to conceiving the sextuplets. Those of you who have gone through treatments, would your doctor proceed the next month, or would they wait at least one month, and do an ultrasound before trying another cycle?

The casual viewer who doesn't know this first hand (or have friends who have gone through treatments) thinks that what happened to Kate is the norm. Unfortunately, they don't realize that Kate probably failed to follow doctor's orders that month. At least, that would have been the case with a smart RE.

While Kate talks of being blessed, she glosses over the fact that she got pregnant twice in three (or four?) cycles and had 8 live babies. That is atypical. Friends of mine have gone through IUIs and IVF and only have empty nurseries.

So yes, she does give Infertility Treatments a bad name, for more than a few reasons.

1. False hope for those who are infertile and beginning to seek out treatments.
2. Mistaken impressions for the average person, that it's easy to have kids with IUI
3. The idea that all IUIs result in multiples, when that is not the case with good REs-they do their best to avoid multiples.
4. That if you pray hard enough, God will bless you with children.
5.That everyone who has multiples expects gifts and freebies, merely for having them.


My heart breaks for friends who cannot have children, even after multiple treatments. I know this show tears at them, because Kate gives the impression that it's simple to get treated for PCOS and boom, you're pregnant. That is not the case.

sabrinasmom said...

Thank you for a great post, Suzanne. I am so tired of hearing that anyone who questions the Gosselins are just jealous or haters. Sure life is not fair, but for all of the reasons you listed, thank you for stating in an honest way - why people have issues with Jon and Kate, etc.

Robin said...

Far be it for me to defend Kate, and I normally wouldn't, but the diagnosis of PCOS is typically made long before you are trying to get pregnant. The symptoms begin showing up when should be getting regular cycles. Also, there is usually a family history of it. It's possible that Kate pulled the nurse card and knew an RE who would see her right away. I didn't have to wait 6 months first b/c I had the diagnosis of PCOS, and I also knew that I would need help. I ovulated maybe once a year on my own, but with Clomid and an HCG shot, I ended up with twins on my second month. I am grateful, thrilled, and blessed. That said, I do agree that continuing with a cycle after being hyperstimulated is dangerous and painful, and as a nurse, she would know the risks. I doubt a doc did the IUI in those circumstances. But don't get me started on ALL of the things I don't like about her. But then again, I've never watched myself 24/7...not sure I'd be brave enough to want to see that.

Anonymous said...

As someone who is about to embark on TTC (Trying to Conceive) with PCOS - I've actually had all of the tests, etc., and have been diagnosed with it for almost 7 years) - I find myself agreeing with these posts and getting more infuriated with Kate. Even with PCOS, OB/GYN's still make you try for at least 6 mos., if not a year, before declaring absolute infertility and go forward with IUI/IVF. Argh. Not only does she make all of those couples dealing with the heartache of infertility look bad, but also those with HOM and those women with PCOS. If she really has the disease, I'm in agreement with missc; why can't they raise monies for PCOS research and do a special on it? I'm so disgusted.

Kristens*Mom said...

"When I read people's comments that say or imply things like "It was God's plan for them to be infertile", it makes my blood boil."

I've used this comment in some of my posts but it was in response to J&K's comment that having the tups was "God's will". As soon as they took the matter into their own hands with fertility treatments, it no longer was God's will but became their will. I have no problem with fertility treatments, just with people who use them and then say it was God's will that they have sextuplets.

common sense said...

It is not for us to say that it is "wrong" for people with children to have subsequent fertility treatments. I mean, if you were having children without fertility issues there is not a limit on the number of times you try to conceive and the number of kids you choose to have. Why then is it so wrong for parents with children conceived with fertility treatments to go another round? I have a dear friend whose son was conceived with help and then this past summer she gave birth to triplets who also were conceived using fertility treatments. I see nothing wrong with wanting to give your child/children more siblings!

As for the poster who said companies will be unwilling to help other families with multiples, that is hogwash! Those companies are getting mucho exposure by giving things to the Gosselins. You know as well as I do that many will go buy things because they saw them on tv, and that is exactly the reason why the companies give those freebies. It's called ADVERTISING. Regardless of the Gosselins needs, the companies are benefitting from giving them the free stuff.

Anonymous said...

Further, I do not believe that a doctor should implant for embryos than a woman is designed to carry. "First do no harm".
-----
Not to defend Kate in any way, but she didn't use IVF, she used IUI (the new name for artificial insemination). A doctor can't control how many eggs are created with the fertility meds. He can, however, decide to stop a cycle if there are too many. But let me tell you from experience - one round of fertility meds for my IUI cost $1,600. Not chump change. My problem was that I didn't make eggs, even with the meds. If a doctor told me that I'd have a chance for higher order multiples I probably would have told him to go on. But I wasn't in that spot so I don't know exactly what I would say. I will say that if you are pursuing fertility treatments it is because you can't conceive on your own. They are expensive. And sometimes it comes down to a financial decision. I don't know that I could have gone a second month with a $1,600 bill.

Anonymous said...

Also, I don't understand the sentiment that they should have been happy with two and not tried again for another. Why should infertile couples have a limit on how many children to have when fertile couples do not?
---

Amen. You are so right.

avasmommy said...

Thank you for that touching post. I am so sorry for the loss of your times and so happy that you now have a joyous life raisding your toddler. I am young, 22, and I have an 18 month old. My whold life I knew I wanted to have children and I was always fearful that something would happen and prevent that from happening. After having a c-section I was distraught that I would never get to experience natural childbirth. Then I realized I am so very lucky to even be here enjoying my daughter. Although I have not personally experienced infertility, I have friend who went through so much. After 3 miscarriages, two tubals which ultimately resulted in her having her tubes removed, she was able to get pregnant via treatment. She is now 8 1/2 months pregnant and she truly has a miracle growing inside her. I am more happy for her pregnancy than I have been for others because of the struggle to get there. I will never take advantage of my ability to conceive, and will always be supportive of whatever option those ho cannot choose to take.

Kate's choice to use IUI was her own. I agree that there should not have been a "limit" so to speak after the twins. I do not believe that Jon and Kate went into this believing they would have 6 babies. I do however believe that it was cowardly and ridiculous to claim that it is society's responsibiliy. Each persons children is their own responsibility. J&K took advantage of their friends, family and community, and continue to do so. I think the outrage with J&K using treatment to get pregnant a second time is because they were alreading claiming financial hardhsips before conceiving. They knew that they would be able to get help from people because they had gotten so much with the twins.

Anonymous said...

Suzanne said: "So yes, she does give Infertility Treatments a bad name, for more than a few reasons."

IMO, that is the reason that J & K do NOT include in their 'inspirational speaking circiut' an audience that is specific to the topic of infertility.

Anonymous said...

I just started with a fertility clinic yesterday and had to take an introductory class where they went over the procedures. They mentioned numerous times that they do everything possible to avoid a situation like Jon & Kate!

Nadia said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your twins, but am thrilled for you and your bundle of energy (as all toddlers have). I have had several late term miscarages and I was not sure that I would ever be able to carry a child. I am forever greatful for the children that I have been blessed with and my heart goes out to anyone who is suffering with infertility.

I think that like anything in life, people are going to use things that are meant to help and abuse them. I believe that Kate is one of these people. As a mentor for multiple moms, I see alot of moms that have turned to fertility treatments.

I have also spent alot of time at our local childrens hospital and have seen and talked with many of the moms that have had HOM. It was there that I met one mom who was holding a baby girl in a car seat. It is so rare that you see someone going home there that I had to stop and talk to her. I told her how gorgeous her daughter was and asked if she was her first. She laughed at me! I think she must have seen the shocked look on my face so she said for me to follow her out to the lobby. She snaped her little girl into one of two triple strollers (being watched by her three nannies). She had a 20 month old baby boy, twin 10 month old baby boys, and newborn triplet girls. She told me (braging for some reason) that she started fertility treatments the day after her kids were born. She also hinted that she was already prego again. I think that doctor should have his practice taken away. I can not understand why someone would do that to themselves, or put there children at risk like that.

I think that infertility is wonderful thing, but yes I do have a problem with the tiny pecentage of people who abuse it.

Just a question, but if Kate has PCOS why is it that we see none of the other symptoms in her? My sister has PCOS are her symptoms go far beyond infertility. Please correct me if I am wrong on this, as I am going by only what I have seen with my sister, and the reports that her doctor has given her.

Anonymous said...

There's another side to the fertility dilemma and I have experienced it personally.

I didn't get married until I was 38 years old. My daughter is a honeymoon baby, born 9 months 3 days after our wedding. She's 7 years old, perfectly healthy, and an only child by our choice.

Because I was older when we had her, people who don't know us well just assume we were married a long time and that we HAD to use fertility drugs to conceive.

When other mommies at school at school find out how old I am, I have been asked "Did you consult a fertility specialist because of your advanced age ?"......uh, no, but thanks for asking.

People asking about your fertility methods doesn't just happen to the infertile couples out there.

MomOfThree said...

I completely agree with the "anonymous" poster who said that she isn't against fertility treatments in general, but the misuse of the technology. I understand that certain criteria must be met before treatment can begin, i.e. couple's ages, number of years they have been married, number of years they tried to conceive. However, by all accounts, the Gosselins did not seem to meet any of that criteria but still were able to proceed. Twice! Why? Perhaps it really isn't a doctor's "responsibility" to screen the couple's financial situation, but surely somebody within "the fertility issue department" of a hospital (or a social worker, at the very least) should "approve" a couple on the grounds of financial and psycho-
logical stability, availability of either volunteer or paid help that will be needed, adequate housing for the family, etc. Somebody should be checking to see that a couple who can afford to pay thousands of dollars to undergo these (unguaranteed) treatments will also be able to afford the hundreds of thousands of dollars it will take to raise this child or children. When couples apply for adoption or to be foster parents, they are thoroughly screened and it takes months and years before a child is placed. There are home studies, financial studies, medical studies, personal references checked and in the foster care system, parenting classes to be completed. Even adopting a pet from a shelter requires vet references and background checks, these days. Once again, I am not against anybody wanting to have biological children and trying to do so in all ways possible and it is a shame that to some people infertility treatments will be now considered even more controver-
sial. The bottom line is this. This couple was newly married, very young, newly situated in their jobs (Jon with no training in any field and Kate, I would imagine, with student loans). They had twins that they could not support fiancially and then went out and spent even more money that they didn't have to add multiples to their multiples. That is their right and their business. But in the end, they appeal to the government and the public for help. Their medical bills are certainly in the millions and neither are holding down jobs, so no health insurance. They require living accomodations near the hospital, so enter the Ronald McDonald folks....followed by the
time-share donors. Then, it's back home to the newly expanded house with the free baby nurse for a year. Don't forget the new government job, the one custom made for Jon (who has little to no education or experience) because of Kate's persuasion. In one way or another, we are all paying the price for this couple's choice and that is where it becomes our business.

Mrs. P said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have *SEVERE* endometriosis, and mild PCOS.

I have had multiple surgeries on my uterus to make conseption possible. I get so SAD when I hear comments that are derogatory toward infertile mama's.

I had 5 miscarriages, directly related to my endo, and subsequent surgeries.

Here is my take:
Infertility happens because there is something wrong with your body. JUST like any other disease.

If you had a poor heart valve...would you not repair it?

If you had cancer...would you not treat it?

If you had depression...would you not seek help?

Is it God's will for people to die, or to suffer, even though we have doctors with the wisdom to help us??? OF COURSE NOT!!!!!

Why then, is infertility any different?!?!?!


I do NOT consider J & K infertile. We went through YEARS of trying, and testing, and embarassing tests, and procedures before I sucessfully concieved my first child. J & K got to skip all of the hard stuff, and because of the almost immeadiate sucess of the treatments...she must have had a VERY MILD case of PCOS!!!!

lifeoriley said...

I also would like to thank Suzanne for a well-written comment. I do not have a problem with people seeking fertility treatments--it's the things J&K have said themselves that cause them to be scrutinized. Many of Kate's statements just don't seem to add up. How can you "have a hunch" that you can't get pregnant after only a few months? Even if you have been diagnosed with PCOS--you may still ovulate naturally.
When my husband and I married, we waited 4 1/2 years to try to start a family, due to financial and job reasons. Then, it took us 7 months to conceive naturally (yes, I was getting a little worried by then!--my OB/GYN had said not worry--sometimes nothing is wrong and it may take up to a year to conceive naturally--after that, he would refer me to a fertility specialist). Granted, this was many years ago, maybe doctors are a little more proactive now. Of course, if I hadn't been able to get pregnant I would have looked to fertility treatments--I really wanted a family-- so I can understand totally why someone would use medical science to achieve that. Many people I know have used various fertility treatments successfully and I am very happy for them.
Kate jumped a few steps ahead, IMO. Why didn't she just start with ovulation meds before attempting IUI? (She reminds me a little of the character of Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka-- "don't care how, I want it now!") They were both young--why the rush? Also, they didn't seem to have financial stability--she was working, but did Jon have a career or good job at that time? Were J&K living together before marriage and is that why Kate "had a hunch" she couldn't get pregnant? (I'm not judging--I just wonder.) These are the things that cause me to question their story. And yes, if you put your story out for public consumption, or as an "inspiration" to others-- the public gets to question it.
Nevertheless, the beautiful children that are already here are my main concern with the Gs. They deserve a somewhat "normal" childhood--not having EVERY aspect of their lives (conception, birth, bathing, potty training, tantrums) put on national TV.

Anonymous said...

I think if it works for you to have fertility treatments, then that's between you and God. My husband and I decided that we do not want to go through all of the heartache of losing babies and dealing with deaths because we were selfish and wanted babies.

I don't personally think that science should interfere with God's plans. There are lots of babies who are born that would not have a chance at all, unless someone comes along and adopts them and gives them a better life. And for those who say "I want my own child, not one that's adopted" I think they have the wrong idea about being a parent. Being a parent of adopted children and as someone who has had fertility issues, I KNOW that my children are MY gifts from God!

Anonymous said...

"As for the poster who said companies will be unwilling to help other families with multiples, that is hogwash! Those companies are getting mucho exposure by giving things to the Gosselins. You know as well as I do that many will go buy things because they saw them on tv, and that is exactly the reason why the companies give those freebies. It's called ADVERTISING. Regardless of the Gosselins needs, the companies are benefitting from giving them the free stuff."
___________________________________I have read that the more common multiples become, the less freebies they get. Yes, companies will help with diapers and baby goods for awhile, but the handouts are fewer and not as lavish and they come to an end sooner.

Anonymous said...

I think almost everything Kon does gives that thing a bad name. And you are so right, it is a miracle for some couples and their last hope sometimes. These two should never have even qualified for the treatment (can't imagine how they paid for it) and certainly not been given the treatment twice.

Everything they touch gets tarnished. I'm sure almost no other mom and dad in this world would be as ungrateful and obnoxious as these two and would just live each day in pure happiness over having these wonderful kids.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your twins and all you have had to go through. I am very glad you now have a healthy little one to love and fill your days with joy.

I, too, have been through infertility treatment and now have three beautiful children. My infertility was never explained, treatment was unsuccessful, and we adopted our children. What we went through to accomplish that process was quite arduous and at times heartwrenching.

For me, the issue has never been that the Gosselins had infertility treatment; rather it is how they used infertility treatment and the mistaken impression created by it. IMO, their experience trivializes the protracted heartache and disappointment experienced by most infertile couples as they grapple with infertility, anguish over the child they may never be able to have, choose what course to pursue, mourn their losses and hopefully, eventually, create and raise a family. It just isn't as quick and easy as portrayed by Jon and Kate and the depth of despair supposedly felt by them is a mockery to those who truly know what it feels like to struggle with infertility.

Anonymous said...

Also, I don't understand the sentiment that they should have been happy with two and not tried again for another. Why should infertile couples have a limit on how many children to have when fertile couples do not?


personal account here, so I am going to post this annon

My DH was the one with the problem, due to a disease. We had 1, one, vial of banked sperm, and it was compromised to say the least.

I was on track with my periods, and one of those that feel the pain when the egg ruptures during ovulation. I did the temperatures vaginally and orally for three months, and the doc was satisfied that we could inseminate during a specific 72 hour period of those three months of monitoring.

I hit my peak on a Saturday, he unthawed the sprem that had been banked for 4 years. He said the motility was poor, and the count was low...but it only takes one.

After 45 minutes with my hips evelvated, and cap over my cervix, I went to the beach! I did have a strong feeling that I was going to get pregnant.

I am never late, but that month I was. I had to wait 3 days before taking in my urine. (you can date me now, huh?) And after a short wait I was called back and told I was pregnant.

We never felt like trying again. I felt blessed beyond belief and to ask God for more, for me, seemed wrong. Seemed to take away form the miracle we had.

So I was meant to have just one and it has been great. Had DH been able to produce sperm again, I would have had one more.

We looked into sprem donors, but again, I just felt this was what was meant for us.

Thanks for letting me share.

Anonymous said...

I don't believe it works this way, but if you believe in God's will determining whether people have children, I don't see how you can say using fertility treatments interferes with that. Do you really believe that fertility drugs are stronger than God? If you believe God determines when a new life comes to someone, then it seems you would see that no matter what kind of treatments someone uses, God is still behind the miracle of life.

I do think Kate gives infertility treatments a bad name, (and false hope for some) and I think her fertility doctor is even worse. My RE would have canceled any cycle with more than 4 follicles. I can't believe she was allowed to go ahead with an IUI with so many. The tups are all fraternal, and they lost one so they had at least 7.

It took us almost 3 years to conceive, using Clomid, injections and IUI. I had 2 follicles and now have beautiful triplets. EVERYONE asks if we watch Jon & Kate and I hate that many probably feel we were just as irresponsible with infertility treatments as they were.

Anonymous said...

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little
voice says, 'Because I love you best.'

Real Mothers know that a child ' s growth is not measured by height or
years or grade... It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mom to
Mother...

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.

16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom ' s opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she
carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen
from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where
love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true
beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she
lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with
passing years only grows!

Anonymous said...

Most people who choose to go to fertility clinics are smarter, wealthier and a hell of a lot more responsible than J&K. First, I question the doctors' ethics. It had to have been at least two since they "switched doctors" after her hyperstimulation. Maybe the first doctor has the balls Jon doesn't and actually told Kate NO. Imagine that.

I also question J&K's thoughts at the time. He was working retail and she was barely a nurse when they had the twins. Why start wanting another child when the twins turned 1? That's ludicrous and shows how immature they really are. I suppose they thought they were going to live off Jon's father forever?

IMO they are no better than people who keep having children to cheat the welfare system and expect society to pick up the tab. Oh, wait they really aren't. They used Medicaid for as long as they could until the courts yanked the nurse (and while sitting on their inheritance). So they had to scheme to bilk churches and society out of millions.

Yes, these "parents" give fertility treatments and general human decency a bad name.

Sick of Kate said...

I just had to give me two cents.

My husband and I tried for years to conceive. We decided to start trying on our 2nd wedding anniversary and it just never happened. We tested and found out I had severe PCOS. My gynocologist kept asking if I wanted to start infertility treatments and I said no. I had a very zen attitude and believed that if God wanted us to have a child, that we would conceive.

Ten years passed. Ten years of trying. Ten years of medical issues upon medical issues upon medical issues. And after ten years, my health was so poor, my pain so awful, that we had to do a complete, total abdominal hysterectomy at 36.

I am heartbroken. Sick over the child I will never have. Sick and HORRIFIED at my attitude. Why did I trust God to give me a child? Why didn't I at least try the DRUGS first before giving up?

The reason I'm sharing this is because first, I want every woman I ever meet to hear this - if you want children, don't be afraid to try infertility treatments. There's no shame. There's no failure on your part or your husband's. I wouldn't have felt bad if I needed insulin so why did I feel bad needing Clomid?

And last, I think this is why I dislike Kate so much. When she says, "I had a hunch I'd have problems getting pregnant" and then starts treatment three months later - it's an insult to every woman who tried YEARS.

I know - it may be irrational. But I watch the show for the kids. All eight Gosselin children are beautiful and fun to watch. Their mother is a mean-spirited, bossy harpie.

Anonymous said...

For the people questioning the second doctors medical ethics after they switched doctors. How do you know if Kate disclosed everything to the 2nd doctor before seeking the second round of treatment? Doctors are not mind readers. If you are a new patient, doctors take a medical history based upon what the patient tells them. If you do not disclose this is my second round of treatments then they will never know. Just something to think about.

Chris said...

IMHO all children should be brought into this world for the right motivations. I do not consider having a child just to find out what it's like to be pregnant with one child to be the right motivation. If it takes more than one fertility treatment to have the 5 (or however many) kids a couple decided they want and can care for, so be it.

I just had a horrible thought. With the dvd's out and everything, can you imagine the tup's classmates lording it over them that they were unwanted children because "we wanted just one more"? What a dreadful thought.

Christian_N_Daniel_Mommy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your twins. That is a devastating story. I'm so glad that you have your healthy toddler now and congratulations! I have never been one to believe that infertility was a punishment from God and I too resent that people think that. I hate when people say "That must not be what God wants for you then." While they're taking their kids to the park every Saturday and the "unlucky" ones are trying to calculate when they are ovulating or spending days and weeks in the fertility clinics. There are parents out there who neglect and abuse their children and should have never even been allowed to conceive by purpose or "accident" and then there are couples out there who would do anything for a child of their own yet can not conceive. Life is very unfair. I do not think God wants any of us to be unhappy or feel like we're less of a person because we cannot conceive. I've never had trouble conceiving but I've had a few friends who had. They've gone years trying to get pregnant, gotten pregnant, had miscarriages, etc. and I felt just awful for them and even told one that I would carry for her if the doctors found out that that was the problem and the reason she was having miscarriages and not conceiving.
However... I think that Jon and Kate are NOT grateful for the blessings they have received. Kate wanted babies, she got two - YAY! She noticed that Mady and Cara weren't "babies" anymore so she wanted just one more. Ok - good luck with more IUI!! Well, she got "a little more than we bargained for" they "got six more!" They still refer to the day they found out they were expecting sextuplets "the worst day of their life". I have something wrong with that. The day I found out I was pregnant with my son was the BEST day of my life and although I can imagine it was quite shocking to find out you're expecting SIX babies at a time shouldn't you just be praying that they all come out healthy and happy if "reducing" was not even an option (it wouldn't be an option in my book either). All Kate does is complain, complain, complain! She complains about the "icky" boys, she complains about her husband, she barks orders at him, she complains about not having enough help... ENOUGH already!! We watched as you SEEMED happy about your twins and sextuplets in the first hour special entitled Surviving Twins and Sextuplets but as the years go by the show just shows how miserable Kate Gosselin is with her family. You can't make her happy. She should be happy that all of her children are normal, healthy and happy and intact!! I understand dealing with 8 children on a day to day basis can be frustrating. I mean, I have 2 boys - a two year old and an 11 month old and that is enough to pull my hair out BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY HELP. Kate Gosselin had never been without any help whether it be financial or physical. She even TURNED DOWN help because the volunteers weren't good enough or "didn't know how to help". She is not thankful - she is remorseful and it is EVIDENT in the way she talks about her children, the way she cries on the interview couch about "remembering what it was like with just two..." The sextuplets are a way for her to live comfortable without having to worry about anything financially. I believe that everyone that wishes to have children should do everything possible to have a child but - be careful what you wish for is all I hear when I hear Kate complaining about how she only wanted one more and now they are a "fertility nightmare". There are people far worse off. I can not take her nasty little voice complaining about how hellish her life is anymore. If she actually did her job as a mother and LOVED her children and took care of them and paid them the attention they deserve then her life might be a little bit easier - she might actually *gasp* take JOY in caring for her children instead of letting her children take care of her by making thousands off of exploiting them.

K.C. said...

Robin said...
It's possible that Kate pulled the nurse card and knew an RE who would see her right away.

It's doubtful that Kate was "connected" enough, (or knew any RE's well enough), to get preferential treatment. Julie said that Kate had not even been in her field long enough to qualify for all benefits when the tups were born.

Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with fertility treatments!

However, it's very wrong to create kids and expect us all to pay for them.

No one should have to fund someone else's lifestyle choices.

Choosing to have 8 kids is a lifestyle choice no matter how they got here.

Anonymous said...

As someone who is currently undergoing fertility treatment, I respectfully disagree with you, Original Poster.

I do believe J&K give fertility treatment a bad name. An IUI resulting in 6 children is completely irresponsible and unethical on the doctor's part. As someone else said, my doctor will also cancel a cycle with more than 4 cycles, as will most any reproductive endocrinologist I have heard of anyone dealing with. Both they and their doctor chose to go ahead with something highly risky, and when they didn't get the public funds to help them care for their brood, they turned to corporate sponsorship.

Anonymous said...

[commonsense...It is not for us to say that it is "wrong" for people with children to have subsequent fertility treatments.]

I believe that is not what is being suggested. The suggestion was/has been that in Kate's case, she was not being responsible. It appears that she was trying to conceive multiples the second time...knowingly inseminating during hyperovulation. What was her financial situation at that time? Were Jon & Kate able to comfortably provide for the twins when she was trying to become pregnant again? The suggestion has been made that they were not. Who would even care? right? It isn't anybody's business if they can afford it?..or is it? If they cannot provide for themselves and 2 children (let alone 8) then what are you thinking! After intentionally having more children than they could afford, they proceed to suggest that it is not up to them to provide for the children. It becomes other people's business when they stick their hands out for money/donations to help care for their family.

Anonymous said...

I think Kate had the twins, everyone bent over backwards to help them and Kate liked the spotlight. She loved the attention. So when the twins started growing up, she was not the center of everyone's world anymore, hence the tups. "Oh, my Kate is pregnant with 6 more, can you believe it?" And once again all the attention is on her.
Can you say narcissist????
Once the cash and donations starting pouring in, she is the queen of the world and no way this woman wants the gravy train to stop. Would not surprise me to see her either adopt or pop out another one. "Oh my, Kate is having more children, what a great mom she must be." And that dope of a husband just goes along with it.
These people must be stopped and I so pity the poor puppy who got thrown into this mess.