Before the snark begins, I want to share a link with Jon & Kate - http://www.notimeforflashcards.com/ It’s a blog all about crafting with small children and is not associated with Gosselins Without Pity. One of my mom friends shared the link and I want to share the love.
The show begins with various scenes of things that are going to happen on this episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Then we have Jon announcing that their music video will air at the end of the show. I know I can’t wait for that!
“It all started with the two of us” -- apparently God was happy with just that, but Jon & Kate weren’t! Mady says “girl’s day out, roll two, take one.” Then she announces that for girl’s day out they will paint pottery. Jon says that while Kate was going to do pottery with the girls, he was taking the boys to the gym.
Mady says “girl’s day out, roll two, take one.” Then she announces that for girl’s day out they will paint pottery. Jon says that while Kate was going to do pottery with the girls, he was taking the boys to the gym.
Kate announces “Five girls, six including me, painting pottery.”
Then Kate says that all the girls are going to paint pottery, “another mess. I don’t enjoy it.” Kate says that she was in a bad mood that day. She says to Jon, “Unlike you, I keep my word. I’m leaving here at , I’ll get there at 1. I’ll be home by 3. That’s two and a half hours”. I suppose she thinks that unlike Jon, she can also do math. Smarty pants.
She remarks that all she can think about is the mess. Jon remarks that he thought painting pottery was a good idea, but not with all the “anxiety in the house”. I think the producers thought it was a good idea -- a good way to freak Kate out and provoke the kind of behavior that causes sites like GWoP to exist. Thank you, producers!
Kate says she just hates messes. Kate says she pictured a tight area with all the girls elbowing each other, “slapping paint all over each other,” and making a mess. “I don’t enjoy messes. That’s no surprise to anyone.”
Then they show a whole slew of clips of Kate freaking out over various messes. “Cleanliness, order, organization, that excites
(We should all be glad that something does.)
Jon says that, thankfully, he’s going away too. Kate says that the little girls should have fun since they have never done it, and she’s excited too, because if it all turns out, she’ll have pieces that they made for her. (Note to Kate: They’re not doing it for you. They’re doing it to have fun, and maybe a child will want to keep her piece of pottery, herself.)
(Another note to Kate: Why would you think that three young children would be able to paint something you’d want to keep, since you’ve never permitted them to paint in your house before? Expecting them to paint something to your standards, on their first try, is setting them up for failure.)
They discuss that boys day out came first, and Kate shows her ignorance of golfing once again.
“Jon took the boys to . . .”
Jon says, “a par three golf course” and Kate says ”whatever that is.” She then says that the girls probably wouldn’t have had fun golfing, “I know I wouldn’t have,” and that the boys certainly wouldn’t enjoy painting pottery. Way to continue to stereotype those gender roles.
Kate is making lunch, if you can call four apple slices and some cheese lunch, and Jon is in with the kids. His arms are folded, but he is interacting with them.
Kate says “Could we have a Kate and Jon switch day? Where I would stand around with my arms crossed?” All the while Jon is reciting all the things he has done already today, gotten the kids up and dressed etc., etc., etc.
Jon and Kate are on the couch, discussing the preceding scene, and she says it is their usual "Jon not helping discussion." She then backtracks, and says that Jon helps quite a bit, but she would just like for him to ask her if she needs his help. It would reduce her stress by 90 percent. (Elephant tranquilizers wouldn’t stand a chance of reducing her stress.) Kate says that he probably doesn’t like that she is airing his faults, but that is his issue.
Then she says, “right, honey?”
Jon says, “yes, I know I have many faults.”
Kate says, “I’m not trying to air your faults, I just wish you would say, “Kate, I know you are trying to get out the door, is there something I can help you with. OK?” Jon says, “OK.”
Poor Jon is sitting there with that disgusted little-boy-who-has-just-been reprimanded- for-something-he-didn’t-do look, but knows that the authority figure doesn’t care if he did it or not, he’s still in trouble. Jen asks if he has anything to add, and he says, “no.” Of course not, nothing he says will make any difference anyway. Kate makes this clear by laughing. Because she loves it when her husband is so disgusted by her words that he clams up! Ha ha!
Jon interacts with the kids, wiping cheese off the kids, kidding around with them. Kate says that the idea of having these days out is to interact with the same sex parent. We get that Kate. God forbid the producers ask you to spend a day with your sons!
Then we see Collin carrying chairs. Kate explains that she asked him to take the little, stacking chairs to the garage a few days ago, and he has been carrying those chairs around ever since. She says he enjoys moving them from place to place. He is persistent. Collin says that the reason he can carry so many chairs is that he is very strong. He looks so proud of himself.
Then they start to put the girls in the car. Kate says this was the first time she took the girls anywhere, just us girls. Well, of course, Kate, we know you don’t drive hither, thither and yon.
Collin gets confused, because he thought he was going in the van. Jon told him that they weren’t going in that car, but he kept trying to get in, so Jon put him in the corner. Poor Collin sat there saying, “Look what my daddy did. Look what my daddy did.” Joel came over to comfort him, and gave him a stuffed animal. “He’ll make you all better, ok?”
Then Kate explains why she doesn’t drive hither, thither and yon. She doesn’t like going into a city. She doesn’t know where she is going. She says Jon has programmed the “GPS thingie ”for her, but then she asks him, “How am I going to get home?” He explains what to do, and Kate actually starts the car, as Jon heads for the garage and the boys. He should have known better. She calls for him to bring her the potty seat. Then as he starts to the garage, she calls for him to bring Cara’s polka dot flipflops. He said he has decided to stay there in the driveway until she leaves. Sure enough she then throws Cara’s Crocs out the window, and tells him Cara wanted her to throw them out, but he doesn’t have to pick them up. Jon picks them up. She drives off, and he says, “Thank God, the queen has left the building,” Then he goes into the garage to get the boys.
After the commercial, Jon puts all the boys in the black van without drama or complaining. Amazing! He had arranged with his trainer that he could bring the boys, and the trainer brought her daughter to watch the boys. The trainer gets down on the boys’ level, smiles at their utter cuteness, and asks them to tell her their names. Joel, who is completely awesome, says “I’m Daddy’s son”.
Kate on the couch: “She asked him his name and he said ‘I’m Daddy’s son?’”, incredulous that Joel didn’t say “I’m Kate Gosselin’s son. You know who Kate Gosselin is, don’t you? She’s that poor, exhausted, brave woman who is raising 8 children and has a useless husband to boot.”
Jon: “’I’m Daddyth thon’”
Kate laughs and points at Jon and says “He sounds like him!”
For crying out loud! I rewound this on my DVR, and Joel didn’t lisp, but Jon made fun of his lisp anyways. Bad Jon, bad! Go sit on the time out mat!
At the gym, Jon properly introduces the boys. They are then introduced to the trainer’s daughter, Julia, and her friend Holly.
Jon narrates that Karen is the owner of the gym and his trainer. He is also Karen’s first male client ever.
Kate on couch: “Oh? So she’s going to turn you into a woman?”
Karen proudly watches Jon work out on the treadmill, noting that he’s becoming a gym rat.
At the pottery studio, Kate sees all of the pieces that can be painted. One of the studio workers encourages the girls to look around and choose what they want to paint.
Kate voice-overs: “We saw the dishes first and so, uh, I got a brainy idea to try to encourage each of the girls to choose something like a dish that they could paint for me.” Because IT’S ALL ABOUT KATE! Her plan works when Leah agrees to paint a sugar bowl for her. Alexis is guided into painting a bowl. She also convinces Cara to paint a serving platter for her. Kate throws her daughters a bone by saying that someday she’ll get all sentimental about the pieces. You know, after the hypnotist makes those bad memories about the mess go away.
Leah pats the sugar bowl and says “This is MY sugar bowl!” That’s what you think, honey. Hannah is going to paint a creamer and Mady is going to paint an Asian teapot. For Daddy. I adore Mady’s spunk!
And the girls see that there are animals that can be painted. They are allowed to also choose an animal for themselves. To her credit, Kate does not tell them which animal they can paint for her. She actually encourages them to choose something for themselves! I know!
The girls have their own couch interview. The producers asked how different the day would have been with the boys there. Mady answers for everyone by saying they would have needed more pottery, it probably would have been louder and more annoying.
At the gym, the boys play with Julia and Holly. A little obstacle course has been set up in a classroom, with some mini-dumbbells. Some people snarked that Jon really didn’t spend the day with them again, but I liked this segment. They had supervised playtime, instead of being told to amuse themselves in a corner of the gym. They weren’t being told by Kate what they can’t do, and they weren’t being manipulated into painting pottery for her. And since Jon is the hands on parent at home, he deserves a break from the kids more than Kate does.
Speaking of Jon, Karen is getting Jon to lift some weights, and Jon starts bitching about after he’s done, he’ll have to cook dinner and he’ll have to clean up “because I don’t do anything” and explains that was a big argument. He continues to say that he doesn’t ask for help, he doesn’t ask Kate what needs to be done because he already knows. Karen tries to be positive and says that its good that he’s working out to get all this energy since he has a busy day ahead, thinking “Did I ask how your home life is?”
Back at the pottery studio, Kate and the workers put aprons on the girls. Kate is relieved that there are lots of tables and plenty of room to not paint each other. She seems jealous of how blithe the studio workers are toward stains. They say there is a dark blue paint that doesn’t wash out of clothes well, and agree not to use it. The girls choose their paint colors. Kate questions Alexis’ choice to paint her animal purple.
The instructor explains colors and kilns and that they will get their fired pieces later on in the week. They paint. The camera operator makes sure to zoom in on a girl getting paint on a table.
Kate voices over that she’s never painted pottery before and she had no idea that she would enjoy it. Although Kate is not thrilled with the little girls' color choices and painting techniques, she manages not to go postal. Her defense mechanism was to engross herself in her own work and ignore the "mess" happening elsewhere. To give Kate credit, she actually does that. And she had fun! Also to give her credit, she notices that the girls had fun and enjoyed being allowed to make a mess.
Back at the gym, Jon pumps iron. He predicts that Kate is freaking out about the mess, and there will be screaming at each other. I can see why he’d think that, but he’s wrong. Things are civilized and Kate is amazed to be having fun.
At the gym, the boys come out and play with the incline bench. They slide down on it. They get a carefully guided tour of the equipment. One of the babysitters says it was more stress than she expected, but she is having fun. The boys go to the play area and Jon jokes around with Karen.
At the studio, the girls are painting their pottery for Kate. Leah predicts Kate will be super happy. Hannah piles paint on her horse. Cara isn’t painting an animal, she is painting a soccer ball bank very carefully. Mady paints a fairy, then tries to help Alexis paint her whole dog, not just part of it. Kate goes into yellow alert at the thought that Alexis might not have time to paint a bowl for her, but the studio workers step in and save the day.
Kate is still amazed that it was fun. Cara shows her what she painted and Kate blurts out “That looks like real art!” Kate -- it is real art. Just thought you should know. Kate asks if men come to the studio to paint things for Mother’s Day, and upon hearing "yes," says “Smart dads do that,” in the tone that says “if he ever wants to see me naked again, Jon will do that.” Jon gets smoothies for the boys. Aaden wants a “lallow” straw and is so cute I can’t stand it.
Jon suggests they go home and play on their bikes before the girls get home. Collin says they can’t tell the girls about the smoothies, to keep things fair between the sexes.
Kate relates her favorite story: at the studio, she is trying to paint her vase and not watch what the girls are doing, since they are painting stuff for her as a surprise. She looks up and can’t not look away as Alexis whimsically paints the inside of her bowl with her “strange brush marks.” (In hindsight she admits that the bowl was rather big for a four year old to paint.) Then the bowl is flipped over, and Alexis is placing hand prints on the outside of the bowl, having dipped her hands in “soppy water table mess.” So Kate stands up thinking “I have got to rescue that darn bowl.” NOT -- “Oh look, my precious daughter is placing her handprints on that bowl. Those handprints will be a special memory to me.” NO, Kate stands up, asks if she can “help” finish the bowl, and paints all over the handprints. She gave Alexis “the top circle” (the bottom of the bowl) and is quite proud of how she managed to distract Alexis and paint over her artwork. Then she shows the finished bowl to the camera, snarking that it doesn’t look like something you’d eat out of, but the outside is pretty. When Alexis ambles over, eating her shirt, Kate does manage to pretend she likes what Alexis did.
So to recap -- Kate's favorite story is how she painted over her daughter's artwork because Alexis' painting wasn't good enough for her. Alexis will find out the truth years from now, when she sees this episode on a DVD. I hope she smashes the bowl when she does!
There is one last project -- each girl is going to place her own handprint on a bowl. Marcy, the studio instructor, helps them with this, with all the patience and encouragement a little girl could ask for. See, Marcy knows that a child’s handprint is precious!
Back on the couch, Kate hints one more time to Jon that he is to bring the kids to the studio and paint something for her. Jon looks ready to fall asleep after listening to Kate yammer on about how she had fun for once.
At the studio, Cara and Mady have a special activity of their own. They pick out their own beads to make a piece of jewelry for themselves. Kate praises Cara’s “pretty” ankle bracelet, and insults Mady’s “obnoxious orange bracelet with obnoxious orange earrings” in the voiceover -- which will be preserved on DVD to torture them with forever. Kate says that, in the future, she’ll be fighting with the girls to keep the pieces because their work is caught in time “no matter how awful Alexis did her dog or Hannah did her horse.” The point is, no matter how crappy her daughters painted, she’ll want to keep the pieces. And in the future, she'll probably still be saying their work was crappy.
At home, Jon opens up the van and discovers the boys have gotten messy with the smoothies. He wipes off the car seat buckles and cleans up the boys and then hits practice golf balls at them in the spacious back yard. They compete to see who can gather the most whiffle balls. Why the heck do they play in the driveway when they have so much yard in back? Oh right -- the driveway isn’t grassy.
The female Gosselins return, with sleeping little girls. Jon tells Kate he has burgers on the grill and she snarks at him to not burn them.
To cap the pottery painting, Jon praises the work, especially Cara and Mady’s. The camera shows Cara's bank, Mady's teapot, Kate's vase, and the bowl that Marcy decorated with the girls. Nothing that the littlest girls painted. Kate is glad she has that portion of time frozen in pottery, and they will all go back together. She throws in one more hint for Jon to bring the kids back to paint more stuff for her.
And then the last fifteen minutes of the show are dedicated to that stupid Gosselin music video, and I am not recapping that crap!