"If I could give Kate a little advice..."

I'm a 49 year old mother of 4 (now grown) kids, happily married for almost 32 years and if I could give Kate a little advice, it would be this:

1) Slow down and enjoy your family as they are right now. You know how quickly it has changed so far and the remaining years will go even faster;

2) Remember that your husband's input is just as valuable as your own. Just because his way of doing things is different from yours, doesn't make his wrong and yours right;

3) Talk in a more civilized tone, don't yell so much. No family, no matter how large, should need to yell to be heard. Teach that to your children also;

4) Gender is not a reason for exclusion of anything, be it love, time together, sports, cooking, cleaning, etc.;

5)While sarcasm is fun for the person talking, it comes across as very mean and hurtful to many people. Temper this and it will go along way in every facet of your life;

6) Show your love to all your children equally. They pick up on more than you realize and you will live to regret this if you don't;

7) I would use your paid help to do the cleaning of the home, not the rearing of your children. You can keep your home clean once the kids are gone. You can't rear the kids once their gone;

8) Place a higher value on family. You don't have to let them control your life, but they should definitely be a large part of it, for the kids if nothing else;

9) Never be afraid to tell your kids or your husband you are sorry or you were wrong. You are a human that makes mistakes just like everyone else, but acknowledging your errors often brings people closer to you.

10) Three of my kids are boys and I agree it was different from girls. Not worse, just different. But they deserve a mom that really understands them and you are it. I would suggest you start living up to their needs because they are the men of tomorrow and they deserve better than I have witnessed.

These are just a few of the important things I have noticed from watching the show. Everyone can look back and wish they had done certain things differently, but no one gets a second chance to actually do that. So if you can correct your actions as you go, you and your family will be making much better memories, be much happier and stronger.

Blog entry created by a comment left by grapecrush.

19 comments:

Pam said...

Absolutely beautiful! You hit everything right on the head.

Barbara said...

Serena, this was a great post! You really told the straight truth about relationships and raising families. It's really not that hard to do. But the respect issue is the huge one here. And Kate has this feeling of entitlement for some reason and thinks she is smarter than him. Her put-downs are destructive and hurtful. Look at some of the other large families on other TLC programs. None of them have kids screaming and hitting and biting each other. There is calm and peace in their families and it comes from the example set by the head of the family, or heads, whichever you choose, but you have to present yourself as a united front and respect your husband or wife. Otherwise, chaos. Great post, Serena.

Serena said...

Thank you, but this blog entry was not authored by me -- notice at the bottom there is the notation, "Blog entry created by a comment left by grapecrush.".

Anonymous said...

Bravo to Grapecrush! I'm sure you have a lovely family!

Remember when Jon and Kate showed the children that typed paper in the garage? They were all really too young to understand it. I think Grapecrushes' words would do well to be hung on a wall someplace in the Gosselin home.

Linda said...

Did you notice that grapecrush never once called Kate a shrew or Jon lazy? If you really desire to help these kids and advocate for them then you must not permit commenters or posters to call their parents names no matter how deserved YOU believe the name-calling is.

Serena said...

Did you notice that grapecrush never once called Kate a shrew or Jon lazy? If you really desire to help these kids and advocate for them then you must not permit commenters or posters to call their parents names no matter how deserved YOU believe the name-calling is.

Excellent point. There is plenty of opportunity to be critical of what Jon and Kate are doing, but this can more effectively be accomplished by criticizing the behavior rather than attacking the person, and describing HOW that behavior is detrimental to her family and friends.

While I personally do think Kate is a shrew, I think trying to word comments in a more civil way is a great goal. The point can still be made.

green said...

Bravo grapecrush! This is spot-on. I agree with all your points. I especially agree about enjoying your family. There is no magic “Reset” button, no “Do-Overs”. Don’t look back upon this time with regret or disappointment. This should replace or be hung beside the Gosselin Family Mission Statement.

Pam said...

I did not watch last years episodes so I am slowly catching up. I just finished watching several and I don't think there was as much of this type of behavior a year ago. It seems like a lot of things have just escalated as the series became very popular.

laura linger said...

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair

Anonymous said...

Did you notice that grapecrush never once called Kate a shrew or Jon lazy? If you really desire to help these kids and advocate for them then you must not permit commenters or posters to call their parents names no matter how deserved YOU believe the name-calling is.

What I hated most about TWoP was inability to articulate my feelings in a way that fit the random parameters of board imposed censorship. I don't care if or what people call the Gosselins or anyone else. I'm an adult who is capable of reading or hearing words that might cause elevated blood pressure or a case of the vapors in others. To me, the message is more important than the words used to express an opinion. We're a collection of diverse adults here. I take this fact into consideration whenever I read anything on the 'net.

While I do appreciate civil discourse, it seems to me that some folks have found that if they can't defend the Gosselins any longer, they can attack the way in which others criticize the Gs. I hope that this blog doesn't bow to the pressure to impose parameters that serve no other purpose than to silence diverse public opinion.

Jayne said...

This post was so true. For me, I keep thinking of all the "memories" Kate is supposed to be making with her kids.

What memories will they remember? A berated dad-in-the-closet, screaming mother, semi-hateful sibs?

Or will they remember the freebies-- never ending supplies of Juicy Juice, free beds and private trips to Gymboree.

I am not suggesting that the trips or the freebies are a bad thing- hell, everyone has a price. But to use your children to force your own agenda is just wrong.

Not a Sheeple said...

Thank you very much, grapecrush. I truly hope someone can convey those or similar sentiments to Jon and Kate for the benefit of the children and themselves.

Anonymous said...

I just got done watching a few reruns (the trip to the organic farm, Sarah Snow). I have to say Kate seemed so much happier and she and jon were much more at ease with each other. They even seemed to enjoy each other during the interview. Sarah Snow expressed how much love was in the Gosselin home. Maybe she was putting on a show for the cameras, but in the specials and the first season I saw a lot of Kate's virtues and related to her as a young mother trying to do the best for her kids. I related to the exhaustion, frustration with a constant messy house and communication issues with her spouse. I only have two children and am often worn out just from always feeling like some one needs something and from the guilt I feel when I lose my temper or am not always patient and loving. I think every mother of small children feels this way at times. It is difficult to find a balance between all the different roles of motherhood.

Now before you all jump on me for defending Kate, let me just say that I used to be a fan of both Jon and Kate before reading this blog and finding out about their greed and family issues. Also, their interaction and Kate's control problem in more recent episodes have made me cringe. But, I don't think that she needs to be villified as a bitch or horrible person. She has made some bad choices that have affected her kids, her marriage and other relationships in a negative way. I think the downward spiral we are seeing in current episodes is her frustration at the fact that their lives are hectic and crazy because of the show. She probably does not have a friend to vent to, so she vents to the camera and takes everything out on Jon. If he is now home everyday, I'm sure they're on each others' nerves. My husband and I would bicker a lot if were were in the house all day together with our kids.

I guess I'm rambling now. I hope that Jon and Kate do stop the show after this season, for the sake of their beautiful children, their marriage and their overall quality of life. I don't think they are evil people. They got in over their heads and are now dealing with the consequences.

AngieMack said...

The favoritism just kills me. I think that's what bothered me most about the cupcake episode. She doesn't ever try to hide it. Kate said something like "Jon took MY table." She seemed clearly annoyed to be sitting with the other three 'tups. WRONG, Kate. You should WANT to sit at every table. You should WANT to spend time with each of your children. And, if you don't, then you damn well better make sure that they don't notice.

berkscounty said...

This is an awesome entry, very true. I wonder how easy it would be for J&K to retrace their steps and welcome back those they pushed away. The "4th of July parade" episode was on today. What happened to Beth and Bob and their mansion? I could feel the tension, it was palpable, at the Wyomissing parade. Kate stomping around and stating "Wyomissing we're back"! You could see the expressions on people's faces and it was not good. I'm from Berks County and there is not a lot of love for the Gosselins here. The Reading Eagle, who would normally run happy slappy with such a public interest story, vilified them. I think nurse gate was the final straw and I suppose they won't be back anytime soon at least to live here. I wonder if this animosity exsists amongst others who the Gosselins have left behind. Can bridges ever be mended?

Nina said...

I have been reading the posts and comments on several diffrent forum including this one and have time and time again seen the work Gate used ie; joelgate, nurse gate, gumgate. I'm wondering what the meaning is behind the word Gate....I have an Idea but i'm not sure if i'm correct in my thinking!

~NC~

Anonymous said...

Nina
it comes from the WaterGate scandel
when Nixon was president..

Anonymous said...

I am a mother of 2 and a sibling of 12 so I know how difficult large families are. One of the things that I thought my Mother should have done thru the years was to speak kindly to us - which she did not. This carries over into life situations today as an adult where some of my siblings continue to carry on their "unkind" remarks to us when they are corresponding or speaking to us. My comment to Kate is that she watch her tongue...this is a deadly weapon and things that come from the tongue cannot be taken back. A husband will not put up with being belittled for long...he will try to find a way out.

Nina said...

anon 9:44 :
Nina
it comes from the WaterGate scandel
when Nixon was president..

Thank you for the clarification, that was not at all what I thought it refered to, so thanks again.

~NC~