Episode Recap - "Family Movie Night" - 06/29/2008

"Family Movie Night"

This installment of Jon and Kate Plus 8 takes us to Casa Gosselin on Friday, also known as “Movie Night”…or maybe. See, at one point Kate said “movie night” was something they had started recently and done a couple of times, and minutes later it was characterized that they had done it since ‘the girls’ (twins) were ‘this age’ (tups age) and another characterization tells us it was “sort of our tradition. Right, Jon?”

Riiiiiight.

In other words, “We got nothin’, so Jen thought up somethin’.”

But, before we get to movie night we actually have to get through movie day, and thus, we find Jon, sleepy –eyed from possibly a long night in the closet working on his IT skilz, or Facebook ass, whatever. He’s making coffee and getting the girls ready to catch the bus at 7:30. Where’s Kate? Sleeping. Seems as though the school year is winding down and so is Kate. At the beginning of the school year she made it up before 7 to help get the girls out the door, but it appears this gigs getting old and really, what do they need that can’t be accomplished in ten minutes? At 7:20 Kate makes an appearance, just in time to carefully and lovingly pack the girls off with their no doubt nutritious, organic lunches and a kiss, or 49 ½, on the cheek and off they go!!

Back on the couch Kate laments she’s just not a morning person. Jon tells her she may have to step it up soon. One day there’ll be eight to get ready, lunches packed and out the door every morning. Kate appears shocked. Eight?? She’s not good in math. Or maybe it hasn’t crossed her mind because long ago she planned to sub that out along with the laundry anyway. Naturally. She poo-poo’s Jon’s threat and tells him fine, she’ll just go back to bed when those days come. Jon laughs it off, as if he’s still gonna be around then.

After breakfast for the little kids, they all are ushered out the door to play in the garage and ride bikes. Everyone is good at bikes except Aadan. Aaden thinks he’s a baby and likes to ride the baby bike. Aaden enjoys being babied, enjoys whining like a baby, and just in general wants to remain a baby. Can’t imagine where he thought that up. Maybe sitting in his highchair, with his bib on, chugging out of his sippy cup? Anyway, all the other kids, including Jon, ride their brand spanking new bikes around the driveway. Ellen gave them all nice bikes months and months ago, but they were only recently delivered because of their storage issues. That darn house and garage, just too small to fit all the free stuff. Kate’s life is not easy with all these dilemmas she has a result of the free stuff people just keep giving and giving and giving. Little Joel is a great bike rider though. Before he got his new “boy” bike, he used to ride Cara or Mady’s old pink and purple bikes all over the place and he didn’t even care that it was pink and purple! Kate seems almost shocked Joel wasn’t born with the same rigid gender-bias-bordering-on-homophobic-tendencies she exhibits.

The kids play for a long time in the garage. There’s this little tube thing and they all pack into it at the same time, perhaps longing for the days they were all entwined in their mother’s womb, back before things got so crazy. Collin, the little brut controller that he is, gets out and tries to control things, the way Collin does. He’s playing with the kids inside, trying to roll it around, and one of his brothers or sisters starts poking at him from the inside and he tells them to “Knock it off!” Aaden gets frustrated with Collin bossing him around and climbs out of the tube and declares “I’m telling Mommie!”…just as soon as he can find her.

A little while later, oh horror of horrors! It would seem one of the twins left their lunch in the middle of the garage earlier in the morning in the midst of the mad dash to the bus. Two adult parents, six other children and a host of production crew stepped over it for what appeared to be at least a couple of hours before anyone even noticed, “Hey, there’s a lunchbox here.” But have no fear!! Kate summoned her “professional errand runner” to get the lunch to Cara. This was no problem because he was on his way to the post office and the bank to drop off the haul from the weekend before anyway. Just so happens it was Aaden’s turn in ‘rotation’ to go with Jon for errands. What a novel idea someone came up with there. Wish I had thought of it first. The little kids are now old enough to keep track of whose turn it is so it’s a double score for Kate. She gets rid of a kid or two on these errand runs and doesn’t have to clutter her already exhausted mind with the finer details of it. The kids are in charge of their own social calendar.

Return from commercial finds Joel banished to the time out spot in the garage wailing for Daddy. He cries every time Jon leaves. Kate says “He’s always afraid Jon isn’t coming back. (chuckle)…..ehhhh, maybe he knows something I don’t.” Yes Kate, perhaps Joel is aware of a recently developed affinity for Fuzzy Bunnies Jon has, but more on that later.

Leah plays in the garage with Kate, pretending to cut her hair, in what has to be the longest morning ever in Gosselin history. Kate says “I’ve never had a hairdresser who stood in my lap to cut my hair. I’d really like my hair to look nice.” Really, Kate? Cause you could have fooled me.

Finally it’s time for lunch and Collin, the good ‘helper boy’ he is, cleans up the garage and once again wins praise from Kate for what he can do for her. Meanwhile, Jon and Aaden are still running their errands and they stop to get coffee and Jon gets Aaden a free “munchkin” from the coffee and doughnut shop that shall not be named. Back on the couch Kate questions Jon if he got a doughnut and he assures her he didn’t disobey. He didn’t want to get one because he’s going to the gym later. Gym? Jim? Does Jon have a new friend? ‘Cause I could have sworn I just heard the boy say he was going to work out at the gym. Before they make it back home though, Jon and Aaden have to stop off at the dump to discard all the cardboard that has piled up through the week at the house. Jon could make a trip to the dump every day, they have so much cardboard from packages arriving left and right through the week. Yes, between the storage issues for all the free stuff and the debris created by all the free stuff, this life is exhausting and a beggars chores are never done.

Jon returns just in time to drop Aaden off and head over the gym. (Lordy be! That is what he said!) Kate has all the kids down for a nap, and she’s heading off for one herself. Getting up at the crack of 7:30 and sitting in the garage all morning and slicing apples for lunch wears a mom out. But first she has to make sure the production monkeys….errr, assistants, David and Sean, know exactly what they are doing and how to do it Kate’s way when it comes to the job of hanging new blinds in the living room. They are turning out episodes so fast now the producers don’t have time to fidget with lighting corrections and layering and the light coming in on the set isn’t working out quite the way it should, even after the production lighting was installed in practically every room in the place. Kate instructs the guys to make sure when they are drilling the holes for the blinds, one person drills and one person holds the vacuum hose directly up to the screwdriver to catch any shavings as they fly away. Kate doesn’t like unnecessary mess; plus she probably has three or four other chores for her errand boy when he gets back besides vacuuming.

Speaking of errand boy…where is he? Ohhhh, snap! Jon done up and got him one of them fancy, new-fangled professional trainers we’ve all heard so much about. And would you look at that, she’s blond. I’m simply giddy with excitement wondering how this one is going to turn out. Her name is Karen and she’s a fit and trim blond lady, maybe early 40’s, who looks like she could go bear hunting with a switch and give the switch to the bear. In other words, she’d kick your ass, if the need called for it. But really, she’s great. She encourages Jon to work out, to get to feeling better. She compliments him for a job well done when he gains two pounds of pure lean muscle. She motivates him to be a better Jon. Cut to Jon on the treadmill, “I’m just running from Kate.” Yeah, we don’t blame you, buddy. Even with her pushing him every day to work harder, it seems Jon has found an enjoyable respite to his usual routine that includes being bossed around by a blonde. In fact, in what makes for one of the best couch moments in Jon and Kate history, he refers to her as a “fuzzy bunny” in comparison to Kate. Now, I’m not sure about this. Maybe Kate missed the “compared to Kate” part to begin with, but the whole ‘fuzzy bunny’ thing threw Kate off for a minute. My take was that Kate thought Jon had made up a new term of endearment for his trainer, and this concerned her greatly. But even when Jon clarified, “No compared to YOU, she’s a fuzzy bunny.”, I’m still not sure she got the joke. But we did. Oh, yes we did. All in all, Jon is doing a great job. He’s working on his body fat percentage, which he stated was 23% and Kate was quick to correct; 24%. But he’s working on it. Kate really seemed shocked he was sticking to it so well, but really, what’s there for Jon not to love. He gets out of the house for a few hours, he’s buffing up, feeling better, and there’s Fuzzy Bunny there to kindly and gently motivate him. What more could a man ask for? Ok, maybe a Facebook page full of hot co-eds, but I digress. See, Jon, YOU can have it ALL.

But back to Frick and Frack at home hanging the blinds. They work and study the situation, one drills, one vacuums, just like Kate instructed and eventually they stand back to gaze upon their handiwork and proclaim “PERFECT!” But, uh-oh, what’s that? Lady Gosselin has awakened and must come survey the project. “No this just will not do, will not do, I say!” Kate’s concerned about the privacy the blinds as they are will provide her and her family. Luckily the ever astute lead cameraman, Scott, is nearby and can come get the two bumblefucks on the right track and eventually they get the blinds hung to Kate and Jon’s satisfaction.

At this point, I’m asking, where the hell is the movie?

So, the twins make it home and everyone scurries to get ready for movie night! It’s here! It’s here! Right after we watch Kate make popcorn, complete with surprises in each cup, and Jon make drinks. Then we have to watch two adults and eight kids settle into the basement room to all find their perfect spot to watch the movie. It’s hard though because once again the most routine of memory making experiences sends Kate into a quandary. Apparently there isn’t enough furniture downstairs for everyone to have a seat and this causes mass confusion and much pain and suffering for the little kids and Kate. There’s lots of running around and yelling and talking in the middle of the movie and it’s just hard to concentrate with them all talking and obviously a new sectional and strategically placed chairs and big fluffy pillows and other lounging chairs would make all these problems go away. Finally everyone settles in for the main event and we can all hardly wait to see what has been chosen for family movie night as the wide-eyed Gosselin pups shake and shiver with anticipation themselves.

Wait, what’s that? Did a tiger just rip that monkey’s head and limbs off with his bare teeth? Niiiiiice choice there guys. I’m thinking, four year olds, eight year olds; Nemo or maybe Ariel, right? Herbie the Love Bug in deference to the older girls? But noooo. Tonight’s movie was a full on blast of nature complete with monkeys being ripped apart limb to limb and ‘piggyback rides’. Mady completely lost her shit when the tiger killed the monkey and apparently another scene where something freezes to death. Kate explains it’s the “circle of life” and Mady doesn’t care for the circle of life. It seemed they summed it up for Mady: Life is cruel, Mady, get used to it.

At the end of the movie, we see the kids milling around, getting the last sips of their drinks and getting ready for bed. Jon tells Kate, “Let’s clean up, Kate.” And Kate jumps up and begins clearing the room of all the cups and popcorn holders, folding blankets and picking up pillows…..

Haha, fooled you. Ya’ll know that shit didn’t happen.

Jon chased a little kid up the stairs, roaring like a tiger saying “I’ll get you little monkey!!!” I just hope it wasn’t Mady.

Reprinted with permission by Manda.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lordy be, Manda! That was hilarious. I'm at work and everyone is wondering why I'm laughing out loud!! Thanks for the brilliant post!! :0)

Serena said...

There’s this little tube thing and they all pack into it at the same time, perhaps longing for the days they were all entwined in their mother’s womb, back before things got so crazy.

Ahahaha!

He cries every time Jon leaves.

If I were four years old and that meant I'd be left with Kate, I'd cry too.

Yes, between the storage issues for all the free stuff and the debris created by all the free stuff, this life is exhausting and a beggars chores are never done.

Heh...

Kate instructs the guys to make sure when they are drilling the holes for the blinds, one person drills and one person holds the vacuum hose directly up to the screwdriver to catch any shavings as they fly away.

OK, am I the only one who was passionately wishing that we'd see a long, deliberate shot of the guys drilling with NO VACUUM HOSE in sight?

Did a tiger just rip that monkey’s head and limbs off with his bare teeth?

But I laughed like hell when we heard Jon chanting in the background, "No more monkeys jumpin' on the bed." in response to the mauled chimp.

Anonymous said...

oh. my. gawd. This is the funniest piece I have ever read! Whoever wrote this needs to get a job as a comedy writer...or maybe that's what he/she does for a living. (BTW, if so good luck with the strike). I am not a Kate hater but her behavior drives me to the brink of wanting to shove my hand through the screen to get at her neck. Furthermore, I am driven to the edge of distraction because I just cannot figure out why someone cannot STOP this woman from berating Jon and her children. To the writer - you nailed it! I want more from you, please. I laughed so hard I almost peed in my unnawears.

Anonymous said...

At the end of the movie, we see the kids milling around, getting the last sips of their drinks and getting ready for bed. Jon tells Kate, “Let’s clean up, Kate.” And Kate jumps up and begins clearing the room of all the cups and popcorn holders, folding blankets and picking up pillows…..

Haha, fooled you. Ya’ll know that shit didn’t happen.

Thanks for the laugh, yep, I watched the show and I knew Kate didn't jump up, but that statement was priceless.

Anonymous said...

Great post Serena, I'm totally with you with Kate angling for a new sectional since seating for all of them is such a "challenge"....perhaps a media room complete with stadium seating would better suit "family movie night" which they mentioned they do allll the time, when they are home that is.

Serena said...

Great post Serena, I'm totally with you with Kate angling for a new sectional since seating for all of them is such a "challenge"

I didn't write it, I just posted it for our brilliant writer Manda! :)

Anonymous said...

Great Post Manda. I actually Laughed out Loud.

Anonymous said...

I know this doesn't have to do with this episode, but I just watched the mother's day one, and it looks like they have a childproof doorknob on thier bedroom! There are a lot of things that bother me on the show, but the things and ways they use to push thier kids away FROM them, just amaze me. Things that should be fun, they always end up making it about how it could be fun for them, instead of the kids. Is it just me?

Anonymous said...

Okay, am I the only one who doesn't know what a fuzzy bunny is? Wth was he talking about, someone clue me in.

Angela said...

"Okay, am I the only one who doesn't know what a fuzzy bunny is? Wth was he talking about, someone clue me in."

Jon said that his personal trainer is a "fuzzy bunny" compared to Kate. :-)

Anonymous said...

Wow i love you :) haha you are taking the words right out of my mouth. I used to get excited to watch new jon and kate episodes, but slowly i see how horrible kate REALLY is (it was obvious to begin with). I did notice in their interviews this season, kate its acting alot nicer to jon. This has gotta be on purpose...Maybe she finally started processing all the negative feed back she has been reading, and no doubt instigating?
Awesome blog!

M.N. said...

Good job, Manda! I've got the worst case of the church giggles thanks to this post.

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget Kate said she tries to catch up on her SLEEP during most movie nights. My word this woman sleeps a lot. Up at the crack of 7:3o; nap at 1:00; sleep during movie night at 7:00. (Side note: poor Alexis. Stop eating popcorn on her bed, people!!)

Serena said...

(Side note: poor Alexis. Stop eating popcorn on her bed, people!!)

And Aaden -- stop eating popcorn while lying on your back! I think collective gasps were heard across the country every time that boy popped a kernel into his mouth while lying almost fully reclined on his back!

my3girls said...

"... it looks like they have a childproof doorknob on thier bedroom!"


While I'm no fan of J&K's parenting style (or lack thereof...), I did note that J&K's bedroom is on the first floor. Its possible the childproof doorknob is more for safety & and the all important cleanliness rather than privacy.

Anonymous said...

My husband said something funny last night about TLC: He said the only think he's "learned" from this learning channel program is not to have eight kids . . . AND don't marry a woman like Kate! ha

:-)

Anonymous said...

Excellent recap. Better then a lot of the ones I used to read in the days when TWoP was worth going to. LOL good!

Anonymous said...

"While I'm no fan of J&K's parenting style (or lack thereof...), I did note that J&K's bedroom is on the first floor. Its possible the childproof doorknob is more for safety & and the all important cleanliness rather than privacy."

Thanks! My first thought was so that she could get her sleep without being interupted...;0)

sherp said...

I stumbled on this site and agree that this essai is one of the funniest I have ever read. Still laughing. I had no idea that others thought Kate was as nasty as I do.
I loved this show in the first two seasons but have grown to dislike the parents a lot. Their interaction is mean.
Love the kids and Collin is my favorite. Per knobgate, Collin is a stand up guy. His answer to the "who did it?" question was "nobody - nowbody did it" While poor terrified Joel points to Aedan and say "he did it.
"Should we be contributing to this site to help keep it going?
Another question, why did the moderator at TWP have an interest in closing their site down? What do they care if folk criticize Kate and Jon? Was it a legal issue? Looking forward to more funny posts.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little confused. Is this the episode that aired Monday because I saw Girl's Day Out. Did I miss one?

NS said...

Yeah, Anon at 12:48 - there were two new episodes this past week; this one Sunday night and Girls Day Out Monday night.

Anonymous said...

About the movie night thing. They said they had been diong the movie night since the twins were little, but only had the little ones join recently. So therefore, it is a family tradition, but the 6 little ones are just now joining in. I hope that clears up some of the confusion on that.

Anonymous said...

I read someplace from someone who seemed knowledgeable about TWoP that the reason the J&K topic was closed down was because of recurrent problems with certain posters. The person said that the people at TWoP would *not* have been intimidated by the Gosselins in shutting anything down.

Only repeating what I read.

Anonymous said...

Actually, someone over there asked specifically about the closing the following:

michigander: (snipped)
"IMO closing it down forever you're letting the fans of Jon and Kate win. How do you know they weren't the ones trying to get the thread shut down cause they hated the constant bashing of them?"

(In other words, FANS of J&K purposely disrupting the thread in order to get it shut down.)

STREGA RESPONDS: (snipped)
"Honestly, we know that was going on, and that's why we kept trying to make that thread work for so long."

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3160024&st=1815

Anonymous said...

How can a recap be 1,000 times better than the show? ;-) Great job Manda!

Anonymous said...

I do have one question, when they showed Jon and Kate's home videos from when they were dating and first got married, did Kate seem like a nicer person than she is today (Specifically towards Jon)? I thought maybe it's just me thinking that but I wondered what others might think?

And was she always so OCD or is this something she plays up to the cameras?

NewMom08 said...

You know, I was thinking about this today also. She seemed really nice and very carefree. The playfulness at WDW comes to mind. What a nice young girl she seemed to be. A completely different person. Maybe more spa days are in order.
LOL.

Anonymous said...

OMG, (snif snif wipes tears from face) I have never read anything so funny! My side hurts and I think I need to change cause I....well you know. That was brilliant!

Anonymous said...

This was just WONDERFUL!! Hope you recap all the shows.....

moi said...

And was she always so OCD or is this something she plays up to the cameras?

How OCD / clean-freak could she be? They've already stated that they had to clean the back of the van because pee was sloshing around back there from the port-a-potties, they leave full potties around the house, Kate clips nails and brushes hair in the kitchen... you decide if her "problem" is legit or just convenient.

Anonymous said...

Moi said: "Kate clips nails and brushes hair in the kitchen... you decide if her "problem" is legit or just convenient."

OCD is not consistant in what people fear or are uncomfortable with. My cousin is severly OCD but her house is disgusting, dirty dishes every where and I don't think they sweep the floor more than once or twice a year. The fears are not usually rational or consistant.

AmandaT said...

Ok, I'm going to have to look into the Facebook thing.

What I could not get over from this show was when Kate said, "Go sit in the corner until you're happy," when the little one cried over his dad leaving. Just one more example of these kids getting punished for having normal emotions and expressing them in an age appropriate manner.

Good job, Kate.