Gosselins in the Year 2025

The Jon & Kate thread at TWoP is locked again. I got a chuckle out of Mars saying it would be locked until the year 2025. What's really funny is that if you look at the Suggestion thread, some people actually thought it would be locked until then.

So we decided to imagine the Gosselins in the year 2025. Here is my guess, all tongue in cheek:

Jon & Kate will be divorced. Jon will have this weird patch of hair on his forehead that never grew in right. He will be working at McDonald's, unable to get a decent job in IT because of all the years he spent in the closet, not keeping up with the industry.

After the divorce, Kate found another young, bushy-haired Korean lad and nagged him into marriage. She decided to try for "just one" baby with her second husband, and ended up with quadruplets. All boys. She failed to get another free tummy tuck, or a boob job. She sits at home in her spotless kitchen, all alone, wondering why none of her first eight children return her calls.

Cara is married. She refuses to have children, stating tersely "The cycle of abuse stops with me".

Mady has her own reality show, Mady in the City. Cameras follow her everywhere as she pursues her career as a journalist in Manhattan, and dishes with her three best friends about life and love, all dressed in the highest fashion.

Aaden is an economics major and plays in a rock band. He gets sarcastic and mean any time that anyone calls him "The Professor".

Hannah joined a convent rather than deal with the real world. She enjoys her work in the laundry room.

Joel is studying to be a pediatrician. He got into medical school with his insightful essay "The Best Place for a Sick Child is In a Bed, Not On the Laundry Room Floor".

On May 10, 2022, her 18th birthday, Alexis packed her bags, told her parents to f*** off, and went to Australia to save alligators and crocodiles. She sends postcards to her fellow 'tups.

Collin got married at age 18, to Johannah Duggar. By the year 2025, they have two children with a third on the way.

Leah won five Olympic gold medals in gymnastics, before being hospitalized with eating disorders. Now she weighs 125 pounds and is making her way through the talk show circuit, blaming her mother and her restricted diet of organic food growing up.

Jodi and Kevin and Beth and Bob and Bev and Janet are all very happy, and have no contact with Jon or Kate.

7 comments:

preesi said...

BRAVO! BRAVO!

FIONA said...

OH MY LORDY BEE-that was feaking hilarious! Hey Pressi, I have heard about you. Had a hard time on The Imperfect Parent? That blog is C R A Z Y. Were you banned? Just wondering....Anyway, this is pure genious!

Amanda said...

That was hysterical!

The Duggar reference--love it!

Travis said...

Joel's essay title is priceless!

Anonymous said...

You are a genius!! This was so entertaining.

Maybe they will pick you up as a writer for the new season ;)

LOL

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I missed this!

I would have liked to have Kate birthing triplets: Hither, Thither and Yon.

xsandlapper said...

Collin got married at age 18, to Johannah Duggar. By the year 2025, they have two children with a third on the way.


Bravo SM! Are they going to top JB & J'M? Please write a 2050 update!