Gosselins in the Year 2025, Part 4

Jon and Kate are still married. Since the twins and tups have left the house, Kate is depressed and desperately wants more kids. Since she’s always had the nagging feeling that she won’t be able to have any kids while going through menopause, she contacts Brad and Angelina, and manages to adopt. After a long process, they are proud to bring home a sibling group from China. Kate realizes shortly after that only 3 will not garnish the attention and freebees that her other litter did. And people just didn’t know how to help. She manages to adopt another sibling group of 6, bringing her total to 9, a personal best. People are so impressed, as these children were homeless, malnourished, abused, alone, sick, and had no life whatsoever. As soon as they were old enough to talk, they asked to be returned to where they came from. They told Oprah that the life that had in China was heaven next to what they endured with the Gosselins.

Mady works for the state, and was able to change the records of the twin’s birth, so now Mady is, by all records, the oldest. Hence, her attitude has improved. Her house has been condemned since she refuses to do chores.

Cara is working on her post-doctorate in child psychology, and is very happy with her life. She had her tubes tied at 18.

Hannah was the last to move out at age 20. She couldn’t handle sharing Kate’s lap with the new kids.

Alexis owns her own company making permanent markers.

Leah’s wish came true, she is still a little kid. She is playing the long lost cousin on Little People Big World.

Collin is hosting his own show on TLC with a 2025 version of Clean Sweep. He replaced the aging Peter Walsh.

Aaden is married with two kids. There are no timeout corners in his house and his parents are not part of their lives.

Joel has moved to Melbourne, Australia, which he has calculated to be the farthest place on earth from Lancaster County, PA. Last contact with Kate was 5 years ago when he told her she can forget him for good now, since she has always forgotten him anyway.

Reprinted with permission from NancyAnneDavis.

3 comments:

FIONA said...

These are soo funny, but they are so on the mark they are painfully sad! Can you imagine if Jon and Kate read this? If it were me, I would come out of denial fast!

Olivia said...

Awwwwwwwwww even though it's kinda funny it's pretty um sad. As Aurora said. I'm going to be very realistic. I don't think Jon and Kate will be together, or they will be unhappily married unless they get some serious counseling. I think Maddy will either be on Broadway or trying to find her way by traveling the Globe, I see Cara as a fashion columnist in New York or something fancy. I see little Hannah as a mommy at some point with a lot of kids, but I also see her as a nurse as well. I see Alexis being maybe an actress or something wild. Unexpected. Maybe she'll do a bunch of everything. I see Leah as a Lawyer or writer, I think she'll be very bright. I see Collin as a construction worker or designer. I see Aaden as a comedian or zoologist and he will never use contacts. And sweet Joel as a male model and you know what maybe he will be gay, any of them could be but I hope they'll love him just the same.

Anonymous said...

Awwwww, indeed. Who's going to write the tell-all book: At Play in the Fields of the Lord--Without Dirt and Grass Stains?