"Give a beggar a dime and he'll bless you..."

"Give a beggar a dime and he'll bless you; give him a dollar and he'll curse you for withholding the rest of your fortune." - Anzia Yezierska

This blog entry submitted for publication via email by Stephanie

It bothers me that the Gosselins continue to have their hands out, and continue to beg, even though whatever financial "hardships" they had in the beginning are clearly over. ...continued


Serena said...


This blog entry submitted for publication via email by Stephanie.

It bothers me that the Gosselins continue to have their hands out, and continue to beg, even though whatever financial "hardships" they had in the beginning are clearly over.

Many years ago, we had a terminally ill toddler daughter. I never thought to ask for money, even though the costs of a sick child in the US are astronomical, even with insurance. It wasn't that we were wealthy, or we were not struggling with the medical bills. I just honestly couldn't be bothered with money then. I asked for (and truly wanted) good thoughts, prayers, etc. At first, the prayers were for our daughter's survival. As time went on, the prayers were for strength to move on, to raise our older daughter well, and for our marriage to survive. Asking for money, in all honesty, never occurred to me.

I want to recount some of the prayers that were answered.

I came home one night, exhausted, and a neighbor came over with a complete dinner for my family. I cried, because I was so overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. It was the most delicious meal I've ever eaten.

She then made it her "mission" to provide us a meal every few days. And she let us know we were always welcome to dine with them.

Another neighbor always had a knack for knowing when I needed a break and would arrive, stroller in hand, to take my older daughter for a walk.

Another neighbor would just "check in" and give me her shoulder to cry on.

One woman from a local church would greet me at the hospital, knowing that I really needed a cup of coffee and the paper. She would hand me both each morning, along with a People magazine every week. She knew my vices and catered to them, even though we did not share a faith. She was in attendance at my daughter's funeral as well, even though she didn't know a lick of Hebrew. She always knew to put cream in my coffee, she knew my daughter's name. A complete stranger.

There were a dozen or so nights that we crashed at a family's house near the hospital, because we'd had a very long day and the 30 minute drive home was daunting, especially through the tears.

My relatives were across the country, so the neighbors filled in. Although the experience itself was, hands down, the most horrible thing I have ever gone through, I am still in awe of how the neighborhood came together to help do whatever they could. It may have seemed tiny to them, but it was huge to me.I never forgot and I will pay it forward forever.

MY husband worked the ENTIRE TIME that our daughter was sick. He worked a job he hated every single day because we needed the insurance, and the mortgage company doesn't care that your baby is sick. I would have loved to have him there with me...he was at the end, but I needed him to lean on when she was screaming in agony for 17 hours straight because the morphine stopped working and they couldn't increase the dosage. He missed her teething, which seemed so stupid, considering she was dying. He also missed the good times, like her smiling because she was well enough to take laps around the hospital in her favorite red wagon, or laughing while watching Barney or Sesame Street. He missed the last few months with her because he had no other choice. We had to pay the bills.

By the way, the medical bills weren't paid until a while after she died. You really don't know pain until you write a check for an MRI your deceased daughter had, or you are threatened with collection for her overlooked radiology bill. And we are not special. Thousands of people go through these tragedies, and much worse, every year. I hope that means that there are tens of thousands of good people out there, silently helping these families "refuel" and giving them the strength to get through another day. I sure hope that their experience with the Gosselins have not stopped any of these great people from reaching out again.

Thanks for listening. I just figured out why I have so much disdain for the Gosselins.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It's remarkable you can speak about that time of your life to people you do not even know. I am honored to read your words and think of what is truly important in life. I am married to a cancer survivor and know what it is like to face death head on with a loved one. My prayers go out to you and your family and your little angel in Heaven. God Bless and thank you again for sharing that.

balletbrat said...

Wow, I have tears. Thank you for sharing your story, I really hope the KONS read it and think long and hard.

Anonymous said...

I really am speechless.

You and your family are in my prayers, Stephanie.

Anonymous said...

I am soooo sorry. You must be so strong. I can't even read the words 'terminally toddler daughter' without bawling my eyes out : (

mlou said...

Thank you for your story, I am so sorry for your loss. I will admit Kon's actions have made me question peoples' motives. But after hearing your story I am reminded that there are decent people with real struggles that I cannot even comprehend. I have had many angels placed in my life. I would hate to think of where I would be without them. I will remember that we are placed on this earth to help others and will do so to the best of my abilities. Thanks again.

beachluvin said...

Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. You are fortunate to have such loving, caring neighbors, friends and family in your life. You must be a very special person. I have always told my children that in order to HAVE good friends in your life, you need to BE a good friend.
As much as I hate to use their names anywhere near yours, not even a life threatening situation has given Kon a clue as to how thankful they should be to have such healthy kids.
When Kate said to Joel "I better not even hear you breathe", I got chills up my spine. Images of Joel with tubes in his nose while struggling to capture each breath came to mind.
I wish someone would send her a video of Joel's early struggles with Kate saying "I better not even hear you breathe" in the background.
She probably would still not catch a clue.

Nadia said...

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

I hope that you do not mind me sharing that poem with you, it is a poem that I have read over and over again. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is hard to find words to tell you how sorry I am for your pain. Though I have had several miscarages (very late term, 15-20 weeks) and came very close to losing my son, I will never say that I can begin to understand the depth of your pain.

But as a mom who has also held my dying child, and hearing the words from the doctor that he would never make it though the day I can share you disdain for J&K. It makes me feel ill to hear her complain about her 8 healthy children! My husband worked as well the whole time that my twins were in the hospital (they were born at 29 weeks and though one did fine the other one had multiple complications do to some problems inutro) and he had to leave me in Chidrens hospital, 4 hours from where we live. Because of the nature of his job he had to move in with his mom so that if he had to leave in the middle of the night, then our 18 month old son would be taken care of. So I was 4 hours away from anyone who knew me, no support other then a few phone calls and a child that had hours to live. It was only by divine intervention that I have my son today, J&K know nothing of real heart break. They have been handed everything on a silver plater and give nothing back in return.

My heart and thoughts are with your family, ~Nadia

pokie said...

I, too, would like to thank you for sharing your very personal pain with us. God bless you and yours.

BK said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Stephanie. It was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. I hope you don't mind if I share a similar story.

I had cancer last year. It wasn't one of the most fatal types, but it required surgery and chemotherapy. Living in Jon and Kate's area, I know first hand the generosity of the community. The day I got my diagnosis, I called my sisters. Within three days, days when I was barely functioning from shock and grief and anger, my neighborhood and church had *everything* taken care of. Not monetarily. I wouldn't allow that. But, within three days, I had a schedule presented to me with the arrangements to get me to chemo and back on the days I had it. My youngest son was taken to school everyday by another parent. My sister picked him up and brought him home. For THREE MONTHS, there was a volunteer at my house every day to take him from my sister and do whatever needed to be done. There were days when my head was in the toilet all day...helping a child with homework or starting dinner when you can't leave the bathroom is a challenge. Luckily, I never had to worry about it. The person who had come over would help him with his work, fix dinner, play with him, bring him in to my bedroom and bring board games, movies, or keep within ear range so that I could snuggle with my boy. The moment I got too "exhausted" (and you do with chemo), these people would get him involved in something else so he didn't know I needed the peace and quiet. Though I wouldn't allow money, I didn't have a need to buy groceries for those three months. Every other day (it seemed), a different neighbor would show up with the things my wonderful helpers needed to cook with. During the nights when I was in the worst shape, my sister would come stay the night. (My husband is in Iraq.) When she couldn't come (because her kids were sick and I couldn't be exposed), there was someone knocking on my door.

To this day, I have no idea how these people anticipated our needs so well. It was miraculous. There will never ever be a day when I don't credit them with saving my life. There's not enough I could do to thank them.

Perhaps this is the reason Jon and Kate anger me so much. I know the help they had...heck, I was part of the help! So was every member of my family!!!! Watching them continue this begging and entitlement crap day-after-day for over four years boggles my mind. They never seem to get enough. Meanwhile, I've heard many people say that this experience (with the Gosselins) has affected their eagerness to help people. Four years. Four years and I don't think Kate has ever said "thank you" to a stranger. A friend of ours, who donated a substantial amount of money to help them out early on (and talked her company into a bunch of freebies) saw Kate around town and attempted to greet her. My friend introduced herself and said "Hello! The tups are growing so well." and Kate ignored her. Jon looked up and said, "Yeah. They're getting big." and Kate snapped at him. She said, very rudely, "JON! We aren't doing this." She then gave my friend the evil eye and said, out loud so other people heard, "People have no respect for our privacy."


queenie said...

I don't get teary reading blogs or posts. I am teary now. Today my vibrant 6-year-old daughter just irritated me down to my last nerve. She is asleep now, but I am going to go kiss her and be so grateful and thank God. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I admire your and your husband's strength. Please know you paid it forward to me with your post. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you and your family.
My sister was stillborn. This was back in 1994. I was seven years old when she died. My brother was ten. My mom was always an amazing mom and so wonderful. But after Rebecca died, she truly knew what a miracle each child is and how blessed she was that my brother and I were healthy. She was so thankful for us and she never took us for granted. I don't think she took us for granted before Rebecca died but it really hit her after she passed that we could be taken away in a second, in a heartbeat.
One thing in particular that made me frustrated was when Kate was complaining about Aaden's glasses and how she wished all her children could be completely normal. She admitted that there's much worse things in the world and she's very lucky that her kids are healthy. But it's like, she has NO IDEA. That's why I'm not angry. Because she doesn't know what it feels to lose a child suddenly or see them terminally ill, knowing they're going to die. No idea of the intense grief, heartache, depression, ect. I'm not even the parent of a deceased child, I'm just the sibling but I've felt those emotions and I saw my parents go through their grieving process. I don't want Kate or Jon to ever go through this. I don't want anything to happen to those eight precious children. I just hope one day Kate sees how each one of her children is so precious and irreplaceable.

Anonymous said...

Your story has put a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach, and tears in my eyes. The struggle and loss you have endured are unimagineable to me. I am so sorry for your loss.

I also often think about the Gosselins and wish they could just open their eyes and see their family and actually enjoy those children and each other while they have the opportunity. I suffered a near death experience last year (in the middle of chanukah) and spent 4 months hospitalized - leaving my sons in the care of their working father. I thank God every day that I am alive and able to be a good mother to my boys and loving wife to my husband. The experience, as tragic as it was, has made me a better mother and wife because I know that it can all be taken away in a snap. I imagine the same might be true for you also.

I wish the Gosselins could hear your story and understand how truly blessed they are and how they need to savor every moment and be thankful every day.

Sara said...

Thank you for your post. It is very moving. Let us all remember that when we can do those little things for people, we should. Your neighbor showing up with the stroller is a perfect example. Such a little thing and it brought you exactly what you needed at the time.

I wish, after all of the blessings that Jon and Kate have received over the years, that they would realize that it is now time to give back. Most here who come to GWoP want the show off the air because they are exploiting their children. If that doesn't happen, my wish is that they would, without financial gain, give back to their community or world in some way. They should use their "celebrity" for good instead of selfish gains. That would be the example they should be setting for their children.

Thank you again for your post. I hope those that have read it will keep it in mind and help others every chance they get. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we did?

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your story. You put the Gosselin circus into a perspective that all of us need to see -- most especially the Gosselin parents.

May you find comfort in the sweet memories of your child and in the blessings of your family.

CarolSue said...

I do so understand what you have gone through.
Your underlying message of friends, family and strangers enfolding you in love. My husband and I have been privileged to experience this also. I found out later when my husband was asked what they could do for us, his only response was, love your children and keep us in your prayers. Friends, family and so many people we never knew became our lifeline.
J&K continue to sever all ties. They will need others, money can't replace people. Being older and having worked a lifetime money wasn't an issue, for this I'm extremely grateful When our daughter's angel day crashed down upon us so unexpectedly, the wealth of caring,loving people surrounded us.
When watching these two and discovering their total disregard for others. One thought that always occurs is, forgive them they know not what they do.
Maybe E-mails to TLC, GH etc will help create awareness.
Will J&K ever change, I don't see it happening. What I see, they are going downhill faster than ever.
I hope they come to realize (without experiencing all encompassing pain) their children are their wealth. Children are gifts to be treasured.Not to create bankable wealth.
You and your family will remain in my prayers.

Carol Sue

Anonymous said...

Your story has had a tremendous impact on me and I know it will affect many lives. There is no way I can know how you feel and what you went through but your stength and your character just shine in what you wrote.
I try to learn something every day and today's lesson has come from you. Few of us will experience the kind of pain you have but by telling your story, you have certainly changed the way some of us deal with the slightest annoyance or inconvenience - all in your precious daughter's honor and I sincerely thank you.

themrs said...

thank you so much for sharing. and inadvertantly, you hit the nail on the head. you never asked for help, therefore people saw your need and tried to fill it. a dear friend of mine has been undergoing chemo and radiation, while raising young children AND caring for her elderly parents. for every single day of her treatment (9mths worth) she recieved dinner from a different member of our church. there was always someone stopping by to do her laundry, take her kids out to play, etc. we were all HONORED to help in any way, because she never expected it and she was so grateful for every little thing. as a fellow christian, i have experienced first hand what happens when pride and greed take over. i hope that KON remembers that God will not be mocked. whey you profess yourself as His follower, you are expected to act in accordance. HE will put them in check. it's not a fun process, i've been there :)

Anonymous said...

I too, have tears. I really hope Kon reads this. Just think of the thousands of families, like yours, that are struggling each and every day to keep their children alive or pay the bills once they are in heaven. I really hope that Kon can at least take a step back and appreciate their good "fortune" before the 15 minutes are up. (and that time is coming!)

Hambone said...

Wow...what do you say after a post like that. I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cut it.

I truly hope Jon and Kate Gosselin see this post and really ponder it. That their actions, which they believe are justifiable and are only critiqued by petty people who are jealous, are causing many many thousands of people to second guess themselves before reaching out to others who are struggling, in case they are being scammed by beggars who already have everything they could possibly need.

I am sickened that this couple had a lavish NC vacation fully paid for, and less than 1 month later had another exceptionally huge lavish Hawaiian vacation fully paid for. They most likely now have their hands out for more and will gladly take it, and not once give back because they are too busy with their show, and too exhausted from traveling everywhere to take people's money.

This greedy couple needs to take their horse blinders off and start walking the walk.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, I am so sorry for your loss, but I am so grateful that you had friends and neighbors to comfort you, to pray for you, and to help you through your grief. I had tears in my eyes as I read your post.

My father is in his 50s and is battling cancer. It's terminal and he will lose his battle at some point. Our family has been so blessed by the prayers, good thoughts, and kind deeds of neighbors, friends and relatives as we've dealt with this awful disease.

My dad receives treatment at a wonderful cancer hospital far from home. When my parents thought they wouldn't be able to make it home for Thanksgiving, friends chipped in and bought them plane tickets home. Neighbors got a house key from my sister and cleaned the house and stocked the fridge with everything that would be needed for the holidays. Friends have brought dinners and neighbors have mowed the lawn for my parents when they're in town. Friends and family who live near the hospital have provided food, company, even a place to stay.

It has made such an unbelievable difference to us in this difficult situation. We have tried, and will continue to try to "pay it forward" as well.

It makes me both sad and angry that Jon and Kate were the recipients of such generous offerings of time, prayers, and donations for their children but instead of paying it forward and attempting to "do unto others", they have chosen to beg time and again for more money, more trips, more THINGS for themselves. They turned away hand-me-downs and generously donated items because they didn't match or were gently used. They turned away volunteers who'd given generously of their time and then begged for the state to pay for a nurse. They have eight healthy, beautiful children, and they take it for granted.

It's so incredibly sad.

Anonymous said...

We also had a child seriously ill in the hospital... it was grim for a few days, but somehow he pulled through. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow your family went through to actually lose a child. I about lost my heart to all the pain just 'thinking' about losing my son.

We also had neighbors, strangers and friends help out in the smallest - but most meaningful ways. Like coming home to lasagna after crying our eyes and out and being so exhausted. I can still taste that meal now... it was so delicious.

Thank you SO much for sharing your story. I hope others who might be going through their own valley read it and are inspired by your courageous strength. This really does put J&K in perspective...


CarolSue said...


I'm so sorry for your shoes. For every mother that has ever had to put them on my heart breaks for your empty arms.
I do think you know the depth of this pain. This ocean of tears, where endless waves of unheard screams drown a soul.The times you fight for every breath.
Thank you for sharing the poem.
I really can't express my feelings now. I'm overwhelmed with sorrow for you.
You are in my thoughts & prayers.

Carol Sue

FIONA said...

Thank you for posting this tragic story. I say thank you because among all this disgust for the Gosselin's, we need to be reminded that there exist truly grateful and needy people in this world. People who know the meaning of good friendships. family. Your loss is something I cannot comprehend. But I will offer you a heartfelt, "I am so very sorry". I hope all is well in your home today, although, the loss of a child is never forgotten.

Penny said...

My greatest fear is losing one of my children. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Yet, I am encouraged that you didn't have to go through it alone.

I think all of us with children have times when we take them for granted. My son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when he was 3. Prior to that I took for granted how healthy my children were. Now, I don't. I can look at the world a little differently. I know that a lot of times the things that some consider huge are really insignificant and the things some consider small make all the difference in the world.

I don't take the health of my children for granted because I have a different perspective than most. You, too, have a different perspective, one you never asked for.

Thank you for sharing that with us. I hope others will read and remember how blessed they are that they have have children at all whether it be one child or 8.

amandarella82 said...

Thank you for sharing your story, I have tears. I sincerely hope Kate reads this post.

Randi said...

I too have thought how absolutely, down to the core, BLESSED those Gosselins are. A child does need an 8,000 square foot house to be happy in.
I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's passing. Please post here often. Thank you forgiving us the honor of reading her story.

Lonnyswife said...

Truly the measure of one's wealth is not by the size of his/her bank account.IMHO it comes done to friends and family who will step in WITHOUT being asked. Who know you so well, they KNOW what it is you must need, and when you need it. And perhaps even moreso your friends over your family. Not all of us have great relationships with family due to myriad reasons. But friends have been chosen, or have chosen you, to be part of your/their life.
It's interesting that this post showed up today because just yesterday I was thinking about the nature of friendship and it dawned on me that if what we see is truly "the reality of the G's daily life" how sad is it that we have never, to my knowledge seen a neighbor, or friend for that matter, simply drop by to say hi-how ya doing? Understandably the Gs are busy, but to NEVR have someone just stop by. To have the neighborhood kids ring the doorbell? For the neighbor husband to wander over to chat while Jon is washing the van or Kate is sitting in the garage 'watching (directing??)' her children at play?
If it weren't for my friends and family there are times in my life I might truly have gone whackydoodle. When I may have felt woe is me, no one has my problems. And then one of them will call and I am reminded of how blessed I am,regardless of what else is going on in my life.
PS-and it certainly isn't a Post Script. I am so lucky that my Best Friend also happens to be my husband.

AireAoe said...

I am so touched by your story and want to extend my caring and sympathy for you, even though I will never meet you. That time of your life is behind you yet always with you, and shapes your thoughts and reactions.
How kind people were to you and how right you are that you never thought to ask for financial help. The love and outreach of your friends means more than new matchy-matchy clothes or a huge house, filled with emptiness.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie--Thank you for telling us your story. It is good to know how kind and thoughtful people can be at times. I know that the only way to explain such a loss is that your soul is shattered. But we look forward to being reunited someday.
BK--I have one thing I'd like tos ay to Kate and that is "WE are not doing this anymore!" and that's that. Everyone SHOULD know what this scame is about and everyone should just pull the plug.
They are not the ONLY family in the USA with 8 kids. They will survive.
As far as privacy goes....they gave that up 4 years ago, when they signed on.
I will give her this: perhaps they didn't realize the extent of people knowing about you and your family, and trying to talk....However, it all goes with the original price of the TV show. It is what it is.
There is one perfect solution to invsion of their privacy.
No more contracts, no more personal appearances, no more being in the public eye.
People will go on with their lives, as long as they are not having this family pushed into their faces each week on TV. Look how interested we were about others, like the McCaughey family. But, I couldn't tell you today what state they live in, etc...because other things have been front and center on TV and in the news.
If they want the perks of being well known, the Gosselins will have to also put up with the whole package.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you and your entire family. My greatest fear is to have one of my children pass before I do. I admire your strength and you must be an exceptional person to have so many people come to help you in your time of need.

I think the Gosselins got it all wrong when they said "they just don't know how to help us".

In fact, the Gosselins didn't know what was really important.

seashell said...

Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing your very touching and heartbreaking story. I am sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine your pain.

I wish with every fiber of my being that Kate Gosselin would take a story like this to heart.

Life is fleeting. Things are not important, people are. Jon and Kate, please learn this lesson before it's too late.

The Truth Will Set You Free said...

Stephanie and Nadia--thank you for sharing your touching stories. I am deeply moved.

I went into preterm labor with my oldest daughter at 27 wks. It was a terrifying experience. I spent 10weeks on medication and bedrest and by the grace of God, was able to carry her to full term. She is now starting high school and not a day goes by that I don't think about how fortunate I am, and how special she is. I have been blessed with 3 healthy children and I don't take that for granted.

A year after my daughter was born, I started a job in the NICU (I'm an RN). It takes a very special person to be able to work there. It was so overwhelming to me, I think more so after the experience I had a year earlier. There are truly amazing things that take place, but it is also very heartbreaking.

It really affected me. There are no words to describe the loss and heartache that you experience along with the parents. I know what I experienced as the nurse doesn't even come close to what a parent must feel with the loss of a child. I only lasted about 6 months.

Every child is a gift--precious and special. My heart breaks for the Gosselin children.

Thank you all for sharing the ways family, friends, neighbors and strangers have helped in a time of need. It's so touching to hear from people who are truly grateful for even the smallest gesture. It's wonderful to hear such inspiring stories!

yepperpepper said...


I know the saying "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger". I'm sure you've heard it too. I disagree. Just hearing your story I know that a part of you died with your child, because I feel like although I don't know you all, part of me died just hearing about your loss. Hearing about a child passing is hard. But hearing it in detail was truly painful! I can't imagine after all the praying for my wonderful children, that one would pass.

I have never given birth to children; but I am a mother. My three children are adopted, and they are wonderful and an answer to my husband's and my prayers, hopes and wishes. I've never even miscarried so I don't even know the joys of pregnancy. But I know the joys of motherhood and family, and although we have many ups and downs in my household, I am grateful for what I have. Your story is a reminder of that. Thank you.

The thing that bothers me about the Gosselins is that they really aren't feeling blessed with what they have, they are looking for forward to more and more blessings. It's selfish and it's sad.

Your story is inspirational. Thank you for your strength to share. Blessings to you and yours, sending positive energy and cyberhugs to you and yours!

Barbara in VA said...

Your story left me speechless. God bless you.

Paul Peterson has now officially told Kon that it is time to wrap up their show. Does anyone think they will listen to the author of Minor Considerations? I'm doubtful, but I sure hope they do. I fear the money is too tempting for them and they can't imagine now having to fend for themselves at all.

Hugabug said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I had tears in my eyes for you and your daughter.

I was also touched by how eloquently and with such detail you were able to express your gratitude to the many people who helped you. It also put to rest some of my final excuses for Kate. I have been fortunate enough to have never been in the situation described, so I used to think that having "the army of volunteers" would have been overwhelming to manage, and that maybe I would also have gotten cranky about it (though I hope that I would never have been so rude as to make them feel unappreciated for their kindness). In reading your posts and the ones that followed about how people help I realize that volunteers really put the people that they are helping first. They are not things to be managed. It also made me realize that sometimes I get caught up in thinking that I have to respond or manage people who are helping me (I guess a variation of the "they don't know how to help me" now that I'm typing this and if I'm being honest with myself). I don't know if your message will reach Jon and Kate, but it reached me and I thank you for it.

iluveeyore said...

Jon and Kate are in too deep. If they cease and desist, they THINK they will have nothing.

However, they would still have their 8 healthy children -- but they don't see it that way.

Anonymous said...

God Bless you, you dear woman Stephanie. I am so touched by your story and by the fact that you bring people to their knees in recognizing the reality of "true need" as well as "true kindness" in this country. I wish that TLC could and would highlight more stories of people such as yourself who are in such appreciation of the nonmonetary kindnesses of strangers, neighbors, friends and families. There are so many people that are truly in need in this country, and frankly, we do not need to watch the Gosselins live this life of luxury each week, when there is so much real need in the world. However, this extends beyond the Gosselins as almost every single reality tv show is about a family that is filthy filthy rich, such as Ozzie, Hogans, Kardashians, Denise Richards, Pamela Anderson, Gene Simmons... If I watch one more tv show where the family can afford a dog psychic, I feel like I will explode.

I wish that shows were based on real families and real needs. I think the Gosselins started off like that, but now it is totally out of control. If Kate were a more decent, kind, real person, perhaps the reactions wouldn't be as severe.. because frankly the Roloffs and all of their spending and fancy vacations, etc. is out of control as well.

Many Americans live with a gulp in their throat as to how they are going to keep up with just the basic needs (house, food, expenses, schools, etc.).

Back to you Stephanie, I admire you and I hurt for what you went through. I am glad that you are aware and appreciative of the love that is out there in the world.

The people on this board never cease to amaze me. If we ever can expand to discuss other issues besides the Gosselins, I feel that we could help change the world, as I believe there are mostly compassionate, wonderful and brilliant women writing here.

avidreader said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes and really hit home as I have a 22 month old daughter. My thoughts are with your family.

I truly believe what goes around comes around. We don't know how or when and we may not even see it happen, but it will. Kate has to live with herself, and that alone is a punishment in itself, at least for me it would be.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your post. They help remind me to be on the look out to help others who are in an unfortunate situation.

Moons in Leo said...

Stephanie, thank you for sharing your story. I cannot imagine anything worse than losing a child, but out of your grief came your gratitude for those who were with you during your time of need.

Bless you and your husband.

ravello said...

Stephanie, thank you for the beautiful story. I cannot begin to imagine your agony.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, you have been through much and I thank you for your courage in sharing your painful story. It highlights our human need for connection and relationship with others. My daughter has had two bouts of cancer in her young life. I do not know how I would have coped had it not been for the kindness and support of others.

Jon and Kate abused the kindness of others and considered it a one way donation they were entitled to because of their unusual circumstances. They mistakenly feel that the accummulations of money, possessions and fame will satisfy their inner needs and are willing to step on others and burn bridges on their journey to notoriety. They have forgotten the people who helped them along the way. They have lost their way and their sense of what is important, if they ever understood. They say they understand. They talk the talk, but don't walk the way. And, sadly, they are taking their children down with them.

Anonymous said...

I found this online from an artical when the babies were born..... her parents can't be all that bad????
The Gosselins will not get to experience parenthood times eight just yet, as the projected release from the hospital for the sextuplets is about six weeks from now. Members of their church, Calvary Bible Fellowship in Sinking Spring, are building an addition to their Wyomissing home, and several corporations have made donations, including $5,000 in gift cards from Giant Food Stores.

Though Jonathan Gosselin said six more children were never part of the couple's plan (they took fertility drugs to conceive), Kate's mother, Charlene Kreider, said her daughter always wanted to be a mother. Kate Gosselin always wanted twins, Kreider said, and her love for children influenced her choice to pursue a career as a labor and delivery nurse.

"She got her twins and went beyond that," Kreider said.

Stephanie said...

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments.

My reason for writing this was mostly to publicly thank the people who helped us through a very difficult time, and to let others know that kind deeds, no matter how small, do NOT go unappreciated. The Gosselins are the exception, not the rule.
And if you don't reach out because you don't know what to say, don't worry about it. NOTHING you say in kindness or love is "wrong" or "stupid". I don't remember most of the conversations or small talk. I remember the actions.And it is okay to smile or tell a joke. Really, it is. :-)

And an update:

Our daughter would be 16 now, had she lived. We are still married (though we were separated for awhile) and we had a (surprise!)son soon after her death. I thank God every day for giving us a son, because I think I would have obsessed and raised her in her sister's shadow if I had another daughter. (God knows better than we do what we need.) I also had this unbelievable feeling of peace rush over me after he was born, like God was telling me it was going to be okay...and I didn't worry about him dying as much as I feared I would. I was also afraid I would never love a new baby, but learned my heart just got that much bigger.

But the bottom line is you don't have to have money to reach out to someone, and it isn't important. A kind word or gesture will mean the world to them.

Thanks again,

Anonymous said...

Thank you Stephanie for sharing the update to your lives. You remind us all that the human heart has an enormous capacity to love.

Blessings to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I am constantly reminded in such little crazy, happy and sad moments of the friends I have and the friend that I am. I will never forget the look on my best friend's face three days after we moved into our house. Due to complications of wiring, our phone wasn't on yet. With no cellphone I didn't have the means to communicate with the "outside" world.. She showed up at my house in tears, asking if I was okay. Truly not understanding what was wrong, I said yes, and she said she was trying to get a hold of me and the phone was out. She promptly left her cell on my kitchen counter with strict instructions to use it. There wasn't an emergency, or life threatening moment, just a friend worried because she couldn't reach me. There has been times in our lovely, not taken for granted friendship, that she has been there for me and I for her. When her dearest friend died at the age of 31, Thanksgiving week. When a family had to make the darn choice of taking their daughter/wife/mom off life support, I called and "let" her vent, scream, rail you name it, because thats what friends do. When they needed a specific song for the funeral, I made sure to get it, so they didn't have to worry about dealing with the employees of a store who had no idea what they were going through. The best thing I heard about me, was when my Best Friend was discussing with someone on how if there was ever a time she needed her friends, I would be there without a doubt and probably before her, waitng. (She is constanly late - a fact that I have grown to love)But no matter what, a friend who loves you, cares for you, will be there no matter what and we all need the gentle reminder of that from time to time. The Kon's will never realize or will in a harsh moment of reality what it's like to have a friend there for them because they want to be, not because they HAVE to be.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie, I am so sorry that you had to endure that horrible experience and lose your sweet angel. My heart breaks for you. I can't stop crying. I wish things like this didn't happen in the world. Thank you for so elouqently sharing your tragic story.
Thank you, Nadia for the touching poem, I copied it for my mother, as she also wears those awful shoes.
God Bless