Funny Friday: Definitely a BS Degree

Submitted for publication via email by ThreeFarmers.

I've decided to take a look at Jon & Kate Plus 8 from a different perspective. Instead of fighting the urge to cut off my ears so I don't have to listen to them ramble on about all that they can't afford, I've decided to evaluate all that I've learned from them instead. ...continued

28 comments:

Serena said...

FUNNY FRIDAY: DEFINITELY A BS DEGREE

Submitted for publication via email by ThreeFarmers

I've decided to take a look at Jon & Kate Plus 8 from a different perspective. Instead of fighting the urge to cut off my ears so I don't have to listen to them ramble on about all that they can't afford, I've decided to evaluate all that I've learned from them instead.

1. Thanks to Kate, I've learned to monopolize an entire army of friends, family helpers, and relatives to the point where they never want to be around my family again. Just think of all those cookies that I won't have to make and all those carols we won't have to sing this Christmas.

2. The Gosselins have taught me the value of true friends and family, which is apparently nothing.

3. My knowledge of gender roles has now been refined. In all my 43 years, I never knew that, as a woman, I wasn't expected to gas up the vehicles, move furniture, make my own morning coffee, dress my children, fold laundry, iron, or pick out my own clothing. However, I can slap the crap out of my husband anytime I want.

4. I know that pee on the floor of a Pennsylvania van will eventually freeze. (I was previously unaware that germaphobic OCD is a condition of convenience.) This law of physics becomes dramatically more confusing south of the Mason-Dixon Line where the winters are far less harsh and the likelihood of said pee swishing around on the floor of the van is thereby heightened.

5. Chaos Theory Redux states: an uninvited female sextuplet in the room of a female twin is a lesser offense than an uninvited male sextuplet in the room of the same female twin. However, a female sextuplet, invited or not, in the room of a male sextuplet is okey dokey as long as no dresser knobs are removed.

6. Supply and Demand: Economically, demand will remain constant as long as all liquid assets are converted to Love Offerings and the production of investment fabrications adjusts with the fluctuating market.

This is the education I never got in college. *grin*

onlythrugrace1 said...

Too funny! Thanks for a big grin with my coffee this morning. I, too, never understood how someone who is a germaphobe could allow so much pee to accumulate around their house and on the floor of their van. Whew!!!!!!! The odors have to be ungodly...remember when Kevin (Kate's brother) stayed at their house and had to empty all the potties..he was gagging all the way. It would have made so much more sense to give them a step-up and teach them to use the toilet. Oh well! Thanks for a funny post :)

lonnyswife said...

Thanks for a smile with my coffee!

Paula said...

Thanks for a wonderful start to the weekend!! Right on spot!!

Chris said...

Honestly? This is brilliant - I LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing it here! :)

tpk said...

"5. Chaos Theory Redux states: an uninvited female sextuplet in the room of a female twin is a lesser offense than an uninvited male sextuplet in the room of the same female twin. However, a female sextuplet, invited or not, in the room of a male sextuplet is okey dokey as long as no dresser knobs are removed."

Ah, this one had me rolling. Concern for these children is so high, but it's nice to be able to laugh. Thanks for the lighthearted post.

Fidelia said...

Fantastic!! Thanks for the laugh this morning! Upline comments have said it all for me.

Fidelia

Judy said...

(I was previously unaware that germaphobic OCD is a condition of convenience.)

I had to respond to this just to clarify somethng. I have OCD and am totally freaked out by germs. I use disinfectant wipes on my bathroom CONSTANTLY. I cant even touch raw meat w/o having a panic attack (seriously). BUT, my car is full of crumbs and old things that I would never allow in my house. My DH is amazed that I can freak about the house but that our car "sometimes" can turn into a bit of a "compost pile".
OCD is different with each person.

5monkeys said...

I was previously unaware that germaphobic OCD is a condition of convenience

Too funny...that made me LOL !

Great post overall, too. Thanks for the laughs :)

Nichole said...

Okay, this made me laugh. I never fully realized that about number 5...

And I'll be the first one, however, to admit I haven't seen every episode (not that I'm too worried about it!). When did they leave pee on the floor of the van!? Ewww. Was that because they're portable potty, that I've heard they have, was leaking?

Hawkeye95 said...

Can't......stop.....giggling! Thank you ThreeFarmers!

My 2 cents: on the whole pee freezing issue. I never thought pee in the family van would freeze in Kate's presence. I imagine her with an aggravated-'why isn't someone else doing this'-glare-of-death (picture maybe Gazerbeam from the Incredibles). This beam would immediately cause any pee within her searing glare to vaporize and fill the van with an ensuing mist that would cover everything.... Sorry that was gross, but that is just the picture I had in my mind. Maybe she just doesn't smell it anymore. I too can't understand how a germaphobe can allow that stuff to sit around or be in the carpet- I would think that just has to be nasty. I felt soooooo bad when Kevin was dumping those potties (I was gagging right along with him just watching the show). I could understand having them in the basement so the tups wouldn't have accidents on the way up the stairs, but with the $$$$ coming in, why haven't they put a basic powder room for the kids in the basement????

Thanks for a great/funny start to my day!

Travis said...

3. My knowledge of gender roles has now been refined. In all my 43 years, I never knew that, as a woman, I wasn't expected to gas up the vehicles, move furniture, make my own morning coffee, dress my children, fold laundry, iron, or pick out my own clothing. However, I can slap the crap out of my husband anytime I want.


Hilarious, given that was so self-sufficient before Jon came along! Slapping the crap out of him is just icing on the cake (made with organic ingredients, of course, that takes two hours or more to complete). ; )

ThreeFarmers said...

When did they leave pee on the floor of the van!? Ewww. Was that because they're portable potty, that I've heard they have, was leaking?


Jon was cleaning the blue van out for one of their outings and he mentioned that there was frozen pee on the floor of the van that sloshed out of the porta potty they apparantly keep in there.

I had to respond to this just to clarify somethng. I have OCD and am totally freaked out by germs. I use disinfectant wipes on my bathroom CONSTANTLY. I cant even touch raw meat w/o having a panic attack (seriously). BUT, my car is full of crumbs and old things that I would never allow in my house.

Judy, I wasn't trying to make fun of people who truly suffer from the disorder. Personally, I don't think Kate is OCD... I think she puts on a good act to look like supermom. Besides, I think if there was pee spilled in your car, you'd probably clean it up.

I think it's crazy of Kate and Jon to complain that they are so busy and they are doing the best they can. They should be teaching those children some manners instead of exhausting themselves on minutia. Seriously, forgo a couple of the 4-a-day floor sweepings and sit with your children and teach them please, thank you, and excuse me.

Thanks for all the kind words. *grin*

Hawkeye95 said...

I hope I didn't gross anyone out with my previous comment. I do still believe she has an evil superpowerful lazer gaze- ever notice how many bridges she has burned over the years?

I agree with ThreeFarmers- I don't know if Kate officially has OCD, but she certainly has her control issues. It still just boggles my mind that Kate still uses potty chairs while she claims to be a germaphobe. I don't remember seeing her ever rinse them out with bleach or at least wipe them out with Clorox/Lysol wipes. IMHO, still would have been easier to have the kiddie seat that attaches to the toilet than constantly maintain multiple potty chairs. Oh wait, maybe the production company or J&K didn't think it wouldn't be as offensive if they filmed the tups on potty chairs instead of the toilet? Maybe just another way J&K&Figure8 are keeping the tups 'little' and 'cute' so we will keep tuning in.

Moons in Leo said...

Very funny and so right on the money.

Unless Clorox is sending them freebies you'll never see their products.

Nichole said...

Oh my goodness. I said "they're" instead of "their"... So embarrassed -- I have an English degree! But alas, I was at work and in a rush.

Thank you for clearing that up for me, three farmers. I appreciate it!

Anonymous said...

I just don't understand this thing about having potty chairs ALL OVER the house, and I have NEVER heard of anyone having one in their van. I am not questioning this to be picky or mean. I am sincere. I have brought up children, and now take care of grandchildren. I realize that when bladders are little, they can't wait too long. But when kids are in or even out of pull ups or training pants, I would normally remind them just out of the blue, to go use the potty. I don't believe that everyone, say after eating lunch, would have to void at precisely the same exact moment. It may seem like it, with so many kids....but seriously, I think gentle reminders here and there would make sure that everyone visits the bathroom. I can't imagine people having potties all over the house...and with Kevin emptying them like we saw on that episode...that's asking too much of a babysitter! When thinking about this situation--I thought of a warehouse where I used to work. There were probably 25 women in that section, and we had one bathroom assigned to women, so they added one. We made out fine with those 2 bathrooms. Now, I realize that grown women can pace themselves better than toddlers. But still, look at the numbers...25 women, using two bathrooms during each work day. It worked out fine. Why would they need all those potties when they already have a couple of bathrooms? I think they have 2.5 in that house. That potty deal is disgusting. And in the recent episode where they were leaving for NC, Jon told his daughter to hurry and go to the bathroom before they left--"in the garage...or somewhere". Why would anyone think that would be acceptable?

Anonymous said...

Whats up with the potty chairs all over the house? That is not very sanitary. Kate being a nurse should know that not washing ones hands could spread all kinds of infections in these children. Not using toilet paper or washing your hands, is nasty. A person can get fecal oral contamination from not practicing good hygiene.

Anonymous said...

I believe that Kates obssession with messes seems to be less about the mess and more about Kate wanting to be in control of things. If she was concerned about messy behavior she would not have 20 potty chairs all over the house.
On the beach episode, involving the pudding project. I dont think she really cared abut the kids making a mess as much as she was concerned about her not being in control of the situation. Another example is Jon hosing off the kids she should of just stepped back
and let Jon handle things. She is getting way too annoying to watch. Has anyone every counted how many times she has said the word "I" in Each episode? I dont think she has any interest in her kids at all. She just wants the spotlight on her and she knows no children, no spotlight.
Jenny if your reading the post. I would run like the wind away from this family. I know they cannot be treating you right. Dont waste your time with these clowns.

ThreeFarmers said...

I think Kate just created more work by having all those potties. Again, another example of them exhausting themselves on minutia when they could use the time to actually parent the children.

Last night my just-turned-2-year-old great-nephew came up to me asking for a "cooo-kie" I asked him what he should say, to which he replied "pwees", when he got his cookie, without prompting he said "thin q" and walked away. The tups are twice his age and they couldn't manage this simple exchange.

I think all the hyper organization and diligence toward chores that IMO are NBD (no big deal). J&K focus on the wrong tasks when it comes to raising their children. Being constantly busy and feigning exhaustion is one thing, but when you see all the important stuff that is NOT being done. It just makes them look LAZY.

I don't care how clean that floor is (sloshy pee notwithstanding), if your kids can't say "please" and "thank you" by the time they are 4 (don't hear Mady and Cara say it much, either), then you are failing!

nas said...

if your kids can't say "please" and "thank you" by the time they are 4 (don't hear Mady and Cara say it much, either), then you are failing!

Don't forget that we only hear what TLC wants us to. Tantrums and rude manners get more of a rise out of people, and make J&K look more "overwhelmed". I'm sure the kids can say Please and Thank You. It's just another thing that isn't shown, possibly.

FIONA said...

That potty deal is disgusting. And in the recent episode where they were leaving for NC, Jon told his daughter to hurry and go to the bathroom before they left--"in the garage...or somewhere". Why would anyone think that would be acceptable?

8/23/2008 12:49 AM
--
Jon and Kate are hicks, that's why they think it is ok to pee in the garage or in front of someone's house. I seriously am surprised Jon didn't teach the little boys to pee outside in the bushes.

But, they still sit down, which is weird.

Kristee said...

I've never seen so many potties in my whole life. When my kids were potty training I never lugged a potty with us in the van. If we were leaving for a while they had to try to go before we left, and that was it. There were few occasions we had to stop shopping or whatever to find a rest room but no big deal. Kate has often used the fact that there are 6 of them all needing the potty at once. I also think the little girls use the "potty" as a form of control. They always have to go when something is expected of them. As soon as it's meal time they need to get down and go, being buckled into their car seats, on the way to Sunday school. I'm not being mean, but it always seems like a way out of whatever they need to be doing.

Also, I noticed during an episode where they were talking about how they used to dress. Kate said she dressed comfy b/c she never left the house. The next scene is Jon talking about how he always wore the same shorts and it shows him walking out to the van. He has a potty in his hand and it's night time. The tups were babies during this older episode, so the potty was for Mady and Cara. So, Kate's potty obsession started a while ago and it's not because she has so many little ones. My guess is they are just to lazy to have them go before they leave, or it's just to much work to take them while they are away from home. Whatever the reason, it's so gross.

Anonymous said...

i've never commented before, but i just couldn't resist. i stumbled upon this site by accident, what an eye opener! i've always watched the show but don't think i will anymore. the potty chair thing always drove me crazy! as a mother of four young children, i think i'm somewhat of a potty training expert :) we have NEVER put a chair in our vehicle. we only use the potty chair downstairs for the first week or two of training (our bathroom is upstairs) and then that's it. we have six people using ONE bathroom and yet, we still manage to make it work without plastic urinals all over the house. it's just pure laziness, plain and simple. really now, how many bathrooms do you think they have in that house? i think i've counted three. that's plenty for eight people. thanks for letting me vent :)

Anonymous said...

Does Kate have some kind of potty fixtation? She even takes photos of their first poop. No one finds that bizarre??

MomOfThree said...

ThreeFarmers makes some interesting (and funny!) points. I know as much about OCD as anyone else who is not directly affected by it; which is to say that I have heard of it but do not know all the details. I, too, am on the fence as to whether or not Kate actually suffers from it or just uses it as a way of justifying her controlling ways. I would definately say that she suffers from some form of anxiety disorder...possibly post-partum depression or even "post-traumatic stress disorder" due to the stressful pregnancy and now having to raise all these children. Any "stress disorder" untreated by therapy or medication gets worse as time goes on. All joking aside, the cupcake episode really made me raise an eyebrow as to how serious her issues may be. The contrast between the 3rd birthday "extravaganza" and the 4th b-day "didn't even sing 'Happy Birthday' or get to eat the b-day cupcakes was huge. The obvious angst Kate displayed while the kids (who were covered chin to knees with plastic aprons) touched the frosting and decorated the cupcakes was just plain weird. However, when Kate moved from the middle of the room to be near the wall because she can't sit in the middle a room...that was the defining moment when I thought, "This woman really IS ill". Does she feel unsafe or unprotected with open space all around her? My husband, who happened to be passing by and stopped to watch a moment, was stunned. He said, "What's with HER? Is she afraid the "Bakery Bandits" are gonna come by and shoot her first because she is a direct target?". This brings me to my next point. Has anyone else noticed that "the bakery" episode isn't being re-run like the others are? I think this episode was the stunning cresendo that may have lit a fire under TLC's big-wigs. I am wondering if Kate may now possibly be on medication. I say this because in the episodes after this, she seems a bit calmer. She rode the rollercoaster at Sesame Place; didn't freak-out about the wide open windows on the Thoms train (I thought for sure she'd have them all standing in the middle aisle so nobody would fall out) and she even climbed a bit up the lighthouse stairs. I don't know but it seems like for someone who almost convulsed at the sight of cupcake frosting to watch her children smear themselves with pudding and not collapse may be under a doctor's care. Anyone else have any similar feelings?

funkycatt said...

I have to agree the potty chairs are due to laziness and convience. The kids don't have to go upstairs to pee, just cop a squat in the basement. Also, I think it is control on Kate's part. There are potties in the little kids bedrooms so that they don't have to leave to pee at night or during nap time.

Interesting that at Aunt Jody's house they used the big potty with a smaller adapter with no problems. That tells me it is not fear on the kids' part, but convience for the parents.

Anonymous said...

Having 6 kids who are potty training would increase the likelihood that one of them would need the potty during an outing. I was just shocked that they didn't put anything in the potty in the van to prevent the sloshing. We had a potty in our van during that time due to length of trips we had to make on a daily basis. So we placed a small amount of kitty litter in the bottom of the potty to absorb the liquid and prevent accidental spills. But you could use paper towels or old rags. I was just shocked that her OCD allowed pee all over the floor of the van and yet she can't walk on a hotel floor without shoes. And also watching Hannah folding clean washcloths on the floor of the house (Hannah was adorable!) but clean washcloths on the floor? Where was her OCD then?